Are You Afraid to Fail?

My thoughts today come from somewhere deep within the bowls of youth sports. Maybe it's more of an admission, one that when made public gives the motivation to improve on the issue or never to make the same mistake again. The best I can say is that this flag football season, in particular, has been a huge learning experience for me. I'll expand on that in a minute.

I quoted Malcolm X today when talking to my youth flag football team. Correction, I quoted Malcolm X when talking to the parents of these kids. Whether words of wisdom, praise for these kids, or anything else I write gets forwarded to these kids, I have no idea. But I digress...

..."Children have a lesson adults should learn, to not be ashamed of failing, but to get up and try again. Most of us adults are so afraid, so cautious, so 'safe', and therefore so shrinking and rigid and afraid that it is why so many humans fail. Most middle-aged adults have resigned themselves to failure."

I see a great deal of truth in that statement. When it's 'about the kids', it's not about the organization or the team being perfect. It's not about money, power, or control (which children have no say in, only adults). It's about children learning, children taking away some sort of positive, and it most certainly is about children having fun. After all, they're children. While they're out there getting exercise and having a good time, they're also learning a variety of skills. Some of those skills are specific to the sport so that they can improve upon the game, become better athletes, and ultimately win. They are also learning life skills that I think parents as well as coaches often interfere with without even knowing it. They should be learning to use their individual abilities to contribute to their team's overall success. They should be learning how to interact in a team setting to accomplish a common goal. They should be learning time management, adherence to commitments and obligations, and general moral conduct.

I digress again. I feel as though adults (not just ones that are a part of my team) let their own egos, their own fear of failure, and their own need for safe and conservative results get in the way of letting children progress. So, when we come across people as adults that act this way, does it not make you wonder if they had the proper foundations as a child? I don't mean proper parenting, though that plays the largest role. I mean a coach, a teacher, another family member or friend, who could lead these children by example. I've questioned that so much this season, and I've become very disappointed in what I know some of these children are NOT learning as a result. Shame on you if you've been a part of this.

Back to the admission part. Last year was our first year participating in flag football. I had to gain my footing in putting this together, called upon everyone I could think of to answer questions and help get the ball rolling. Some were on board immediately. Some refused to talk to me because their egos were too big to fit into my ideals, while others at least called and talked me through getting to the resources I needed. Moral support was appreciated along the way too.

This year, I expected to make this operation bigger and better. It should have been. It was the 2nd year, I had a good idea of what I was doing and what the process was. I had ample time to recruit and nail down my team and coaches before the season began. So, what happened? It's a two part thing: 1) I had too much going on personally with my business, work, and general life to accomplish what I needed to. 2) I didn't accept the fact that I can't do it all alone. I was offered help and, not that I refused it, but I didn't take advantage of it. I have a horrible habit of thinking I can do everything myself. I GOT THIS!!! Apparently, I didn't. So, some of the hardships that we faced, like not always having enough kids to put on the field or allow our kids to have a break during games, was indirectly my fault. Some of these hardships were experienced by other teams as well. But, in contrast, they could have the equivalent of my whole team (9 players) be missing on game day and still have twice that available to put on the field.

Despite that, the kids that played this season, just like last, didn't complain. They put a great deal of passion into what they were doing, played hard and did their jobs. I couldn't be more proud of how they handled themselves and their teammates. This is one of the few times that you'll catch me saying that EVERY kid deserves a reward for their contributions. I can't possibly give them enough praise.

Will we continue next year? Yes, we definitely will in some way, shape, or form. One thing I know for certain is that there is a need and a want for these kids to play flag football in the spring. We'll make it happen. I've already gathered a couple of resources that will make this possible and push us where we need to be next year. I will accept any help that is genuinely offered and beneficial.

Stop Trying to Beat Your Opponent

Not a single one of us can claim to be more wise, more holy, or simply better than any other. We can't preach perfection, but we CAN talk about it to help teach others. Sometimes, people only see our words on social media, not our actions, nor really hear our voices.

That said, it only makes sense to choose what we say and put in writing very carefully. Our words have more impact than some of us would care to believe, both negative and positive. We also have to remember who our audience is. It's never just those who we feel are against us or who we subliminally target. Often, we end up alienating those we never considered. More importantly, most of us are watched closely by young, impressionable minds. Sure, we want to teach them realism. We need them to understand that life isn't always peachy. In doing so, however, we have to make sure that we emphasize positive, mature solutions. 

It's not just about our friends, though. When something goes out as a "shot" towards the enemy, are we sure the message we're getting across is the one we intended? More likely, the point is overlooked and the words are taken as fuel to increase the fire and nothing more. We are not teaching our adversaries anything. We are not shaming them into,  or convincing them to, alter their behavior. We're telling them that it is OKAY to act out and we'll just return the favor. Who's winning?

Being competitive in everything I do, I remember getting frustrated to the point of anger every time I lost a ping pong match in our annual family tournaments. So, my ex-husband, the reigning champion at the time, gave me some great advice that I've used time and time again in life. "Stop trying to beat your opponent. Just play the game well and let your opponent beat themselves." That year, I won the tournament and got my name on the trophy. 

At the end of the day (gotta throw a buzzword in there), here's MY point. Your words may not ever improve a situation. Let the opposition bury themselves. More often than not they don't need your help and you don't want to look just as bad as they do. Simply think before you speak. Better yet, don't speak at all. If you want, express your words to yourself or your immediate peers, but don't let that get out of hand to the point that you're gossiping or snitching. And for the love of God, keep them out of the public eye. Once you set them free, you can't get them back. Onlookers will have a hard time differentiating the good guy from the bad guy. 

P. S. ...

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches."

That is all.