Stop. Collaborate and Listen.

Funny that I have started and stopped this blog about 15 different times over the last several months.  Why?  I guess I felt I had stuff to say, but I didn't quite have the conviction to actually say it.  No biggie.  Today, I feel the need to set myself straight and anyone else who might need it.  That's right.

So, reflection makes you think about the negatives in your life.  My only negative, I guess, is lack of green.  And no, I don't mean weed; I mean money.  I don't mean own a condo in NYC and playing around kind of money.  I mean the kind of money that pays all my bills and allows me to treat myself or my kids once in a while in such a way that I'm "comfortable".  I've been looking into the whole 2nd job thing for some time now.  I get close and then say I can't do it because of the next kid sport that comes up or I wonder how it would work having the kids every other week.  But!  How am I going to pay for these sports if I don't have the money for it?  Plus, it's not something that I have to do forever.  So...tomorrow at lunch, my plan is to go check this out.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Next!  No one really wants other people to talk about relationships.  I know this because I get annoyed when I see it.  Anyway, there seems to be a bit of a misconception about the right/wrong way to live one's life where relationships between men and women are concerned.  This is especially true when it comes to those who want to stick their noses in where it doesn't belong.  So, allow me to explain how I view all of this from my perspective.

• I am divorced, meaning that I previously had a very seriously committed relationship that I no longer have.  It is not my intention to find myself back in the same position I was in before.  Were I to do that, what would be the point of having gotten a divorce in the first place?  I do not need a man in my life to support me, financially, emotionally, or otherwise to make me whole.  So...I'm not planning on rushing this commitment thing.  No, thank you.
• I actually like dating.  I never did that before I was married.  I was 18, so the only "dating" experience I had prior to that was in high school.  This is a totally different ball game.  Dating as an adult has its ups and downs, sure.  But it not only allows me to learn more about me, but it helps me determine what I do and do not want in a man.  I appreciate that.  Not to mention, I've met a lot of wonderful people that, while we might not be the right people for each other, we have great experiences and sometimes create lasting friendships.  
• On that note, I'm almost 30.  If I want to have casual relationships either because I'm not ready for a permanent commitment or I haven't found "the one" yet, there is nothing wrong with that.  Yes, the dating world is scary.  I do most seriously appreciate those who care enough to worry about me and even more the ones who want to tell me so.  But, there's a difference between telling me to be safe because I worry about you and telling me I'm wrong and a horrible person because I'm not settling down with just one person.  The latter people can mind their own business and should probably try to look at their own lives before passing judgment.  I don't need that.
• I LOVE ME!!!  Some view dating and not settling down as a way to get attention because of a lack of self esteem or some other mental disorder.  However, I think it's important for my family and friends to know that this is not something to be concerned about with me.  I love who I am.  I'm very proud of myself and my accomplishments.  Physically, I'm proud of the weight that I've lost (almost 100 lbs); I'm proud of how I look (though I'd like to make that even better); I'm proud of my healthy lifestyle and how that affects myself and my kids.  Otherwise, I'm proud of my educational accomplishments, my career accomplishments, and my ambition to always want to go further and never be stagnant.  These things make me happy.  Not that this means I'm never stressed as that is something totally different.  So, please don't assume that I have self esteem issues simply because I do not live my life the same way you do.  And please don't make your problems my problems.
• I do struggle some days, though rarely, about whether I ever want to have that forever lasting type of relationship again.  There are days when I wish I could find that.  But just because you hear me say it once, doesn't mean there's a layer of denial that's covering up those feelings.  There are certainly positives about those types of relationships that I would enjoy.  However, there are also cons that, until I find the right person, I'm not willing to put up with.  So, the next day I could very well be reminded of why I don't want to settle down just yet.  So, again, I know what I'm doing.

Ok, so that was a bit long, but probably what needed to be said most.  In closing, I just want to add that like everyone on this silly planet, I am not perfect.  I struggle, I fight, but I'm trying to live.  All I ask is that you either live with me or not.  Don't make me feel bad about myself because of your opinions.  It is my own responsibility to make myself happy and I will keep revisiting what I need to do to get there as many times as it takes in my lifetime.  But it is ME who will get me there, not some magical man being who's going to make my life a fairytale.  Though, if he comes along and wants to join me in this mission, by all means I'd like the company.  Plus, a girl's got some needs, if ya know what I mean.  Nonetheless, I hope to not only be the person who propels myself further, but I'd like to be the person who can help others do the same for themselves.