Wicked Witch of Kindergarten

School has started and I've been observing many parents (mainly mothers) already begin to criticize their children's teachers.  Or they spend countless conversations discussing all the bad teachers their children have had throughout their school careers thus far.  Sometimes it actually hurts to hear this nonsense.  Though it's only nonsense to a point.  Some incidents do occur and parents have to deal with them appropriately, of course.  But how does a parent even decide if it's the teacher, the school district, or their child that has the problem?  I have no answers to this, to be quite honest.  Here's a couple of my own stories that will forever sit me on the fence.

Roz and Trent started kindergarten the same month that they turned 5 yrs old.  It was a tough decision to send them that year because of their age/maturity.  Nick's family, which consists of many school teachers and wonderful parents, said their opinion was that the twins seemed ready, but that it definitely wouldn't hurt them to wait.  My family, who insists on children starting school as soon as they can and have many that have graduated early, said that I shouldn't hold my children back (and not just in the sense of keeping them home) and that they should most certainly go.  My own opinion was that my children seemed to have a decent level of maturity that matched their age level and they certainly knew the things that were required of a kindergartner.  But my 3rd opinion came from our pediatrician.  His professional opinion was that my children were certainly mentally ready to start school, but that you sometimes do not know what the reactions are or what their pace will be once they begin.  Sometimes, if it doesn't work out, you have the option to hold them back at that time.  Of course, doing so has emotional effects that could be detrimental.  But it was up to us.  And so they went.

Unfortunately, they had to be in the same classroom, since at the time there was only 1 kindergarten class at their school.  Trent seemed to do well, but throughout the year we were receiving notes home several times a week about Rozalynn.  She spaced out often, continued with her workbook even though directed to stop at a certain page, made up stories to tell the class instead of following the reading material, talked incessantly, etc.  She even broke out into song once when the teacher was correcting her (happened to me once too).  I questioned Roz about these things but never received a clear answer.  Though I didn't expect to from a 5 year old.  My opinion of the teacher, however, changed dramatically with an incident that we actually laugh about now.  When Nick went to pick them up from school one day (about the middle of the year), he was met at the door with not just our children but the teacher.  She was livid when she handed Nick a yellow slip of paper and attached letter explaining Rozalynn's outburst for the day.  Here's what happened:

The entire class was assembled on the reading carpet for story time.  Long story short, Rozalynn stuck her hand in the armpit of the boy next to her.  He told the teacher.  The teacher's version of this story was that Rozalynn deliberately disrupted the class and terribly upset this boy.  The teacher made Rozalynn stand up and apologize, which she did.  Then the teacher proceeded to ask her why she did it.  According to the teacher, Rozalynn was being defiant and refused to answer her questions.  Rozalynn's version was slightly different, and made a hell of a lot more sense.  First...why she did it.  She witnessed boys talking about having wet armpits on a cartoon the previous night.  Her mind was wandering during story time and she looked at the boy next to her thinking, I wonder if his armpit is wet.  Some of us may have thought to ask the boy or would have kept our ponderings to ourselves.  Roz doesn't work that way.  She needed to find out on her own, thus sticking her hand in his armpit.  The reason Roz didn't respond to the teacher was because she a) got scared when the teacher started wagging her finger in her face and b) because she was terribly embarrassed about what happened and because she was being corrected for it in front of the whole class.  She clammed up.  When Nick and I questioned her nicely that evening, she didn't hesitate to explain to us.  So, I re-read the teacher's letter, with her underlined words such as 'disappointed', 'disruptive', 'uncalled for', etc., and I wrote my own letter.  I sent one copy to the teacher and the other to the principal to ensure that it made it to Rozalynn's record.  I repeated some of her own words (and yes, I underlined them), but used them in reference to her own behavior.  I expressed my concern about how my child was being handled in the classroom and asked if she felt we needed to meet in person to discuss since these incessant letters home clearly weren't advocating progress.  I never received a response to my letter, and I never received another yellow behavior slip for Roz. 

But it didn't completely end there.  Towards the end the school year, I received a call at work from the school nurse.  She said that the kindergarten teacher was concerned that Roz was having seizure-like movements in class and wanted the nurse to observe.  Holy WHOA!  She was about to go in and would call me back.  I don't even think I had hung up the phone before the tears started to come.  Not only is that scary in and of itself.  But Roz had actually had seizures as an infant.  She's perfectly fine and healthy now, but Jesus!  Hearing the word, seizure, again was an emotional nightmare!  I started wondering if I had been so busy with the new baby (Drake) that I was neglecting my other children.  How could I not notice that my daughter was having problems?  What kind of mother was I?!  About an hour later, another phone call told me that they were clearly not seizures but that they were going to term them, "extra movements".  They wanted to set up a meeting with us and the IEP team (teacher, nurse, counselor, principal) to make sure Roz had the 'attention' she needed.  Holy shit, I knew where this was heading.  When we met, they asked me questions about Roz's birth.  They were thinking that her premature birth could have resulted in her having a developmental delay.  After all, that's quite common, nothing I should be upset about (right...).  They were looking at her spacing out issues, lack of focus, the 'extra movements', etc.  We could put her in special ed or we could look at placing her in what they call a 504 Plan.  This meant that she could be taken out of the classroom for testing, be sat in the front of the class, and have any other consideration given to her as needed.  But to have her placed in that program, I had to have the pediatrician sign off on a form stating that she had been diagnosed with at least one item from their highlighted list.  This included things like neurological diseases, ADHD, and the like.  They also said that it didn't matter if she had it or not, that's just a way to work the system so that Roz's needs could be met.  I was freaking out.  When I was leaving the conference room that day, the nurse stopped me, handed me some tissues and said that she recommend I really speak to my pediatrician.  She said that this happened with her own daughter, she let it ride itself out, and then 3 years later the school was recommending her child be placed in gifted classes.  She told me not to panic, but to do my research and go off of what I know of my own child.  I truly liked this woman.

The pediatrician:  As he was reading the form, I asked, "Wouldn't you be held liable if you signed off on a diagnosis that wasn't true?"  He said, "Of course!  Which is why I'm not going to do it.  I've had this child in my care since she was born.  She's an intelligent individual and shouldn't be hindered by a frightened, over-zealous teacher.  Use your motherly instincts.  Support your child, but also what's right."  After that, we allowed the school to give her a psychological evaluation, of which the results were just fine.  And I made the decision to have both of my children tested academically.  I paid more than I did for my car to have them tested and go for a year of tutoring at Sylvan.  Trent actually had confidence issues due to Roz answering for him all the time and I will say that his time at Sylvan helped him with that and he's been soaring ever since.  Roz's outcome?  The child tests at least 1 grade level higher in some areas, 2 grade levels in others.  Sylvan's thoughts?  My kid was bored!  They gave her 2nd and 3rd grade material to work on during 1st grade and she did wonderfully.  Her focus issues seemed to dissipate and following directions was no longer a problem.  And those 'extra movements'?  I debunked that one myself.  Roz has always had an issue with not wanting to go to the bathroom because she's afraid she'll miss something.  So, basically, her moving back and forth was her trying to keep from peeing her pants.  When I suggested this to the nurse and teacher, they found it to be true.  Have these people never worked with kids before?

My conclusion to this very long blog is this.  Sometimes, there really are issues that parents absolutely have to be on top of.  Yet at the same time, we need to use common sense and reasoning because there are actually wonderful teachers out there who do great things for our children.  Every subsequent teacher that each of the twins have had have been incredible.  Roz's teachers have embraced her personality and learning needs and have allowed her to actually enjoy school.  I am forever grateful for that.