So, dear readers (or reader, whatever). I must apologize for my blogging absense. The fact that I feel the need to say that I'm sorry for not writing my thoughts in a public forum is a bit weird to me, but that's how I feel none the less. I missed my blogs, but I've sat down and attempted the first of about 3 that I need to catch you up on due to recent events, and I just haven't been able to get very far. Why? Well, it has something to do with the fact that my brain tends to get a bit overwhelmed and scattered at times (hence the name of this blog). And I'm sure my not-so-great eating habits and sleep patterns are not helping my ability to focus/concentrate. So, my goal with this particular entry is to give you a bit of an update on me. I have a couple of event blogs that need to happen, but they require remembering sequential moments, so I will have to get those out in due time...just not now. This will flow a bit easier and maybe answer some questions.
1) My weight. Why would I make this first? Well, for starters, I'm rather proud of my accomplishment thus far. Since November of last year, I have lost 48 lbs. I've been stagnant for the last couple of weeks, but I'm still working on it. I feel much better physically, mentally, and it will only continue to get better. I'd say I'd keep you updated on my progress with this, but that could get old real quick and I think you'd be happy just hearing me shout out the latest number if it's a significant difference. What is my goal? Well, if I went to my goal weight for my height, I'd have to lose another 88 lbs. Sorry if you're shocked by that number, but it's so true. And yes, I know that my build is not one that works well with my goal weight. I was 5 lbs over that in 8th grade and I looked incredibly frail and bony. But...I need to have a number goal. When I reach the point that I feel I look good, I'll stop regardless of what the number is. I just know right now I'm not ready to stop...not even close.
2) The new relationship. I am sorry if this came as a surprise to some. I wasn't really advertising it broadly for all of my friends until what we had could actually be defined into a term...a label. I don't like labeling and we certainly didn't need to for us. But when it comes time to let your friends know, it's a little difficult to say, "I have no idea what we are but we're something." Uh...right. So, we defined it. Anyway, a little detail... He's older than I am, 41 to be exact. Like me, he has three wonderful children, the oldest being 15, the youngest 8. Unlike me, he has his kids full time. Freaking out yet? Don't. I'm perfectly content with all of that; and we are at the same point in each of our lives, which gives me an oddly comfortable sense of home. However (there's always a however, a but, or something), I am pretty much scared to death. Why, you ask? I'm scared because I'm afraid of screwing it all up. I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me that causes me to hurt people. I truly wish things could be simple enough in a way that allows you to 'go with the flow' without questioning anything. That would be pretty much awesome. Suffice to say, no one's ever happy with my decisions; some wait on tenterhooks for the opportunity to say I told you so. They may very well get their chance, but I don't want it to be because of me. When I can look at our relationship in a way that only encompasses him, myself, and our kids, I am extremely happy. It would be nice if we could all be on the same page with that. I actually started this blog out with a bit of a different tone, and now because of my annoyance with those who term themselves 'friends', I have lost my appetite to blog about this right now.
In conclusion, those are the biggest 'me' updates. With an exception of trying to contain my irritation with those who choose not to be supportive or who can't seem to refrain from playing both sides of the field cruelly, I am happy, content, and feeling good. I hope all of you are too.
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