Politics 101

I'm really more of a Constitutionalist than a Republican, but I'm registered as the latter so that I can vote in the primaries.  If you asked me to lay the country's issues on a table, my vote for likeminded viewpoints would pull me toward the right side of that table, the conservative side.  I would say that is true for me in most areas, but maybe not so much socially.  Why, you ask?  Well, I have no problem with homosexuals, those who want to legalize marijuana, don't conduct their lives and form opinions out of a single church, etc.  What I do have a problem with is our country's attempt to condone a form of communism...socialism.  Yes, I compared it to the big C.  I do not apologize that I don't like the idea of our government being the "Robin Hood" of America.  I think I should keep everything I work for.  I think I shouldn't have to give others privileges that I don't have myself.  I don't like the federal government telling me what to do, what I can't do.  I want to be truly "free", but with local control to help regulate.  We all know there are individuals around us who just aren't sensible.  These include murderers, rapists, robbers, etc.  We need to have a local force to help regulate, yes.  But we need to have the right to defend ourselves as well.  I do not appreciate dirty liberal hippies (haha, yes) taking from me what they do not earn themselves.  Stop fighting for the "rights" that make no sense.  Stop fighting for money that you didn't earn.  Stop putting the environment above your neighbor and children that are in the here and now.  Stop fighting to stop those who are defending your pansy asses!!!

Now, I remember being younger and having some viewpoints that were way more leaning towards the left.  But I grew up.  I believe it was Winston Churchill who said something like, "If you're not a liberal at 20, you're heartless.  If you're not a conservative at 40, you have no brain."  This speaks to me greatly.  As we become adults and gain more responsibility, we start appreciating what it means to fend for ourselves, not to expect others to provide for us.  Our worlds completely change and really...we become a little irritated with those who take what we work hard for.  People have this huge misconception that the government pulls money from some tree in the back yard of the white house.  Do you know how many people try to argue with me and say, "But you aren't paying for me, the government is" "?!  Are you kidding me????  Where on earth do you think the government gets this money?  Hello, TAXES! 

Likewise, people pay too much attention to the media.  Somehow, they have this conviluted idea that every single time our armed forces go to work, they are wasting our money.  I'm not saying judgment passed isn't at very few times correct; however, where exactly do you think we'd be if these brave men and women weren't around to protect us?  There is so much that the media doesn't spell out because they simply are not aware (thank God, or we'd be in even bigger trouble), so the uninformed American believes only what they hear.  Be thankful that so much is going on behind the scenes to protect you. 

On to the real topic... Stop blaming a party for a couple of "off their rocker" retards that put themselves in the limelight.  Democrats vs Republicans is getting really old.  Choose the person that most represents your viewpoints and shut up.  Or, if you get really desperate and don't know who's name to pull out of the hat, vote for me.  But I don't see how you can call yourselves "for the people" Americans when you feel so comfortable prejudging an entire party instead of realizing it's certain individuals that you have a problem with. 

P.S.  If you find me hypocritical at all with this post...I am.  But I'm also right.  The end.

Money? Who needs money???

"Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect all the things we do have?" ~ Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) While I'm not a fabulous single woman living in Manhattan, I do tend to do this all the time. It's like I'm subconsciously trying to avoid happiness. Stressing over...well, just about anything is a good way to enable this.

Currently, I'm stressing over money. I'm extremely talented at making stupid decisions when it comes to spending it. And, as with all avenues of my life, I don't listen to anyone who tries to stop me. That's all about to change. I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes right now and saying, "Yeah right. I'll believe it when I see it." Touche. You're probably right in your predictions of how things will go. However, I'm going to make an honest effort. This time around, I have some backup and support (not that I didn't have it before, but this is new) that I think I can make myself pay attention to. Nonetheless, I'm working on a serious budget, paying off my student loans, not going out to eat, not going to a lot of shows (or out in general), and not spending needlessly on things I feel somehow I deserve simply because I'm fabulous in Shiremanstown. The cool thing is, I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping. Maybe one or two little things for people yet, but pretty much done. I actually look forward to wrapping them all this weekend.

What else am I going to tackle this weekend? Well, seeing as how not much "out of the house" type of action will be going on, I'm planning an attempt to clean my kids' room. There is so much junk in there, you can't see the floor and can't fully open their door. I'm a little scared, and I may need to call in backup. But I figure with some good music, a drink or two, and maybe some chit chat along the way and I'll be good. I doubt I'll get it all done, but I want to at least be able to get in there and put clothes away or change their bed sheets for them (note: they've had to do this themselves and it's not been pretty). If you all don't hear from me for awhile, you may want to come check on me. This WILL get ugly.

On that note, I look forward to some peace this weekend, getting my haircut (don't panic), and spending some time at home. Let's see how this goes.

Relation...whahhh???

Realizations can be like pin pricks to your tush, but they can be most beneficial.  For example, I realized the other night, as I was yet again delirious with fever, that the last 2 years of my life can be summed up in several episodes of Sex and the City (1 1/2 years can be thrown out of the equation). Instead of running down the street screaming in fear, I decided to embrace the fact and run WITH it. My life is my life and I love learning from it...just never at the moment that it's happening. Like in matters of love, I have seen good and bad and irrational when it comes to relationships/dating/singledom. I've fallen for men maybe only twice, but I've wanted to fall many times over. What I really wonder is how many have ever fallen for me? Though, I'll be honest when I say that while I wonder, I'll lose interest in about an hour. The past is the past and it bears no weight on my life at present. Just the cat being curious.

But what makes a good relationship? Many say this is relative; it's different for everyone. For me, I can probably, but not completely, sum it up with a few key components:

• Exclusivity - Sure, I've had my casual relationships; but, when someone makes it clear that the casualness is preferred, then it's also clear that the relationship won't grow beyond that.( "We're not the exception; we're the rule." ~ He's Just Not That Into You) Don't get me wrong. That doesn't make that type of relationship bad or negative. If that's what you're good with at the moment, then it may be ideal for you. There have been times for me when this was the case. I'm just at a point where I'm ready to move past that. I can't talk future unless I know you're capable of devoting your attention to just one woman. No one wants to waste anyone's time when you consider that we don't really have much of it.
• Communication - I don't want anyone up my ass and I don't want to be up anyone else's. I like my "me" time and I get irritated when I see friends get interrupted by phone calls or texts from their significant others when they know they're out with friends. BUT...I also don't like going days without hearing from someone and not knowing what's going on. Are you busy, not feeling like talking to me, losing interest, seeing someone else...see how this could escalate? Sometimes, it's just a matter of needing some good ole common courtesy. A simple note or reply or something to say I'm caught up but all is well. Works wonders.
• Time - At this age, most of us have kids, jobs, etc. It's hard to divvy up that time equally. I don't ask to have as much time as your kids or your job, but I think it's important to make time for each other. Even if it's just an agreed upon date night, or whatever, one or two nights a week. Something you can depend upon, knowing you will get to see that person for sure that day/night.
• Attention - This goes along with time and communication combined. We can assume that when we're not around each other, that we at least think about each other. But making time to see each other or to communicate somehow with each other lets the other person know they have your attention.
• Faithfulness - See Exclusivity... Unless shown otherwise (be it miscommunication or not) we have to implicitly trust each other to be faithful. Otherwise, why even bother to start the relationship in the first place. That said, faithfulness is something that we should be able to depend on and not have to question. If you really can't hold up that end of the bargain, then tell the other person and remove yourself from the relationship immediately. Because clearly, it isn't for you.
• Love/Devotion - Some use the "L" word sooner than others. I say if you're comfortable knowing that's how you feel, then do/say what feels right. But even if you're not there yet, there's a level of devotion that shows how much you care. If you don't feel that's being reciprocated, then is it really a relationship?
• Sex - Argue this if you want, but I feel (at least for me) that sex is a healthy component to the relationship. It's very important to me, so if it's not a mutual thing or there's no compatibility, there will only be issues later in the relationship.
• Availability - This is a biggie. While I understand that certain circumstances may prevent total (normal) communication via specific methods...sigh...it would be nice to know that you can call on (or email, or text, or whatever) your significant other if you needed them; i.e. locked yourself out of the house, are delirious with fever, etc. as opposed to assuming they may not even see your message until a day or two later, by which time you may be frozen solid on your door step or dead on your bathroom floor. It just kinda sucks that others can get to them faster than you can. I'm not sure there's much out there that is more frustrating than this.

And then...I move on to other girly topics like weight. I neglected this thing I pay for every month called the gym during this never ending football season. As a result (because I'm still eating the same), I've gained 5 lbs, give or take. I've made efforts at home by buying a weight bench, weights, zumba Wii game, etc. While I use all of those things at home (sometimes), I find my best motivation comes from the gym, itself. When I'm there, and after, I just simply feel good. There's only one thing better, kids, and that's "censored for young viewers". And I'll have my cake and eat it too on that note. Nonetheless, I have found that for a variety of reasons, the gym has to be a regular part of my life. There really isn't a substitute for that sort of bliss. I eat right, never starve myself, and I just have to accept the fact that I am the type of person who needs constant exercise in my routine.

But enough of all of that. I've said too much on both these topics. Off we go towards another day.

One Thing At a Time

Holy wow.  It's been a long time since I've bloggy-blogged.  It's 4th of July weekend, and I thankfully have the kiddos to enjoy it with.  We don't have exact plans (like this is anything new), but I want to take the kids to a lake of some sort with a beach since they normally have the lake experience every year along with some picnicking, which is more for my benefit.  These are the things I think are fun, maybe because we did this a lot when I was a kid.  When you become a parent, part of you wants to repeat those experiences for your own children and part of you wants to retain the child inside of yourself and keep reliving those awesome times.  Nonetheless...that's the general idea for the weekend.  And, of course, fireworks somewhere.  Though Andrew doesn't know it yet, he'll be on grill duty since that's an integral part of 4th of July weekend as well.

Updates...

Since I gave you this in the last blog, I'll give you a weight loss update.  The last 2 months, I've gone up a couple of pounds, down a couple of pounds.  So, I really haven't lost anything during the last couple of months.  However, overall I have lost 86.5 lbs.  I still think that's pretty awesome, so I just have to buckle down again and do what I know works.  I learned a lot of things when I worked with my "trainer turned friend".  If I can just get myself to do everything he had me doing before, I'd be propelling myself forward a lot faster.  But I have realized that I need to be pushed.  Not in a way that's going to make me angry at you, but someone there to hold me accountable.  I've also learned throughout the entire process that there are certain things that have to be as they are (as I've made them) or this will not work.  They are as follows:

1. Absolutely NO chips/cookies/ice cream/etc. can be allowed in my house.  I knew this before and I had to relearn it recently.  Everyone has weak moments, and I am certainly not excluded.  When I have weak moments, I WILL eat something.  So... I can't have bad options.  If a weak moment comes along, I need to be able to say that's there is either nothing enticing to bother eating or that I'll just have the apple, watermelon, celery...you get the picture.  I know this is hard for everyone else, but this is my solid rule that I have to stick to.  It doesn't hurt others to eat healthy as well, though.

2. Weighing myself every single day is a must.  My trainer had once threatened to take my scale home with him, but he gave in when he realized I "needed" it.  It's a daily ritual when I get ready and, while it does make or break my day, it also helps reaffirm how I should conduct my day.  If I lost weight, I feel a little more lighthearted and I'm encouraged to continue to do well that day so I keep seeing the results.  If I gained, I am encouraged to step things up a bit so I don't continue to gain.  Either way, it's a win/win.

3. I must write down everything I eat, every day.  I've become a meticulous calorie counter.  I think about calories before I decide to eat something, which is good.  It does consume your life a bit, however.  (Pun not intended.)  When I was working with my trainer, I wrote everything out on a piece of paper and kept a collection of them.  Every time we got together, he reviewed them and based off of my progress, would adjust my calorie intake accordingly.  Mostly, it was to tell me to eat more, but still.  I would avoid eating bad things because I felt compelled not to cheat and knew I had to write it down.  Thus, anything I wrote down, he would see.  Totally helped.  Now, I have an app on my whackberry that allows me to do the same thing (thanks to Andrew for this).  I don't show it to anyone, but it helps me stay within a certain calorie range throughout my day.  It's easy to forget about something you might have eaten, especially if you're eating more frequent, smaller meals.  Even if it's an apple.  It still matters.

On a different note, I've been missing my kids like crazy.  I've been having nightmares about losing them, I can't stop thinking about them every second of every day, and I feel like I might go crazy during these moments they're not with me.  And I feel horrible guilt when I lose my patience with them right now.  For example, Drake spent 2 nights with me this week, even though it wasn't my week to have them, because of his day trip to Dutch Wonderland with his friend.  The first night he did great.  The 2nd night, we got home super late from the park and he was overly tired.  It was rough until I got him in bed.  The next morning was even worse.  I had a time constraint to get us both ready, him to his dad's and then me to work.  He refused to get out of bed.  And when I picked him up and set him in the hall, he refused to come downstairs.  He just sat there and whined.  I lost my patience and yelled as I was trying to explain to him that I was going to be late for work and his behavior was ridiculous.  I immediately regretted it and spent the whole trip to his dad's talking to him about why it is important to get ready when I tell him and apologizing for yelling.  I hated the fact that I had to drop him off and not see him for 2 days after that happened.  In fact, it makes me feel sick just thinking about it.  I don't want the moments that I have with them to ever be negative like that.  It's just not necessary.  Yes, they need discipline.  But still.  How do you handle these situations?  Regardless, I do get them after work today and I'm looking forward to a week of good quality time with them.  I want to take advantage of every second. 

Stress in general...I'm feeling that to the utmost extent lately.  Be it financial, kids, you name it...it's on my mind.  Things reach points that get very frustrating and you know it won't last.  However, when you know you've made positive changes already to help your situation improve and they still aren't getting better, you feel the weight even harder.  I just want to be calm, have everyone around me be calm, and things to go as planned.  If I can just get that...

Otherwise, things are what they are for the moment and that's the extent of my updates.  I've had great need to write these things down recently but I've not sat down in front of a computer outside of work for more than a couple minutes at a time for a couple of months now.  I see everything I really need on my phone and I don't normally bother with anything else.  Anyway, that's it for now and I'll hopefully be able to get to this regularly.

Enjoy the holiday weekend and celebrate our independence like crazy!!!!!

The Annihilation Proclamation

Being at work always puts me in a mood to rant and rave about political nonsense (wonder why) and to basically find creative ways to free up our population.  Add to that the idea of being completely irritated by unintelligent nutjobs that shouldn't be wasting time in public just to ruin my day, and I feel that a blog is necessary.  I know these things tend to be controversial with some, but I'm only looking out for myself, my children, those I care about, and really the rest of America.  It's important.  It's like I'm a human environmentalist.  By that I mean, I'm not so much concerned about what effects we have on our planet (I am, but no more than the average being who's too busy to freak out over my recycling abilities), but I'm more concerned about what effects humans have on my own "environment"...yours as well; and it's more of a mental thing.  I go by the saying, "Never let stupid people rent space in your head."  It's a good saying.  I have to remind myself of it sometimes, but it's one to live by.  However, when you're surrounded by stupidity and ignorance, you sometimes forget to hold up the NO VACANCY sign.  And then they all crowd in like Mexico exploded.  So, you have your angel and devil residing on the shoulders of your brain; the angel saying, "These individuals are misunderstood.  Give them a chance.  They need to be cultivated.  They were never loved as a child."  Then the devil says, "Look to your arsenal and get these degenerates out of here!"  Guess which one I'd prefer to side with?

So, I'd like to simply suggest that we develop a program to help remedy this situation.  It's not like we need to waste money on research.  We already have most of the resources at our fingertips, my personal favorite simply being sterilization.  I can certainly tolerate an individual as long as I know they don't have to ruin generations to come.  I'd do that for my children and the children of my friends.  And, imagine how much money we'd save in other programs by putting something like this in place.  Add the concept of not letting non tax-paying citizens and non-citizens remain in our country, and you've got some real efficiency in place.

What it comes down to is the fact that America was developed using a system.  It started with a simple set of rules (our Constitution) that guaranteed the rights and safety of the individual as well as the whole.  And then it grew with a financial plan (taxation) to make sure the citizens receiving those rights and protection were well provided for as a whole when in time of need.  Can you imagine going back to that?  Because we're no where near that now.  The programs that currently reside in our system today (the big ones anyway, as there are small ones that don't even make sense) began as a means to aid those who paid into the system and needed help to remain a valuable part of society.  Misappropriation of funds, poor leadership within the programs and all the way up, being taken advantage of...all of these things bring these programs to a point that they are no longer valuable for the whole.  For the individual, maybe.  But for the whole, they have become a drainage system.  I'm not saying they need to go away; I'm just saying I'd like to run them myself for awhile.

And then you have simply the people that mentally drain the value from others with their lack of intelligence, blatant disregard for the rules/guidelines of society, or even just a common sense deficiency.  These would include our criminals, degenerate neighbors, black sheep relatives, and the millions of stupid people at the grocery store in the middle of the day who only have 2 speeds: slow and stop.  What is the answer for these people?  Well, I firmly believe that if you never tell someone they're doing something wrong, they'll never stop doing it.  That's another fair reason to introduce re-education camps.  We'll give them the tools they need to survive among their fellow man; we'll teach them how to become productive members of society.  And if that doesn't work?  Oh, well.  Bye-bye.  Game over.  Thanks for playing.  Now, can you actually stop being stupid...like cold turkey?  It's worth a try to find out.  I'm sure I could conjure up some experimentation on that issue.  If they can't...imagine the open space to briskly walk through the grocery store to pick up the one or two things that you needed and sacrificed your lunch for.  It's a win-win.

In conclusion, I would like to say that it is our responsibility as Americans to not be so concerned about the rights of the individual and place that concern over the rights of the whole.  I'm not about to make sacrifices in my life because some douchebag has hurt feelings somewhere.  I would like to live my life uninhibited by those less intelligent than me, by those who only think of themselves, and by those who think rules don't apply to them.

This Is...The Story of a Girl

So, dear readers (or reader, whatever).  I must apologize for my blogging absense.  The fact that I feel the need to say that I'm sorry for not writing my thoughts in a public forum is a bit weird to me, but that's how I feel none the less.  I missed my blogs, but I've sat down and attempted the first of about 3 that I need to catch you up on due to recent events, and I just haven't been able to get very far.  Why?  Well, it has something to do with the fact that my brain tends to get a bit overwhelmed and scattered at times (hence the name of this blog).  And I'm sure my not-so-great eating habits and sleep patterns are not helping my ability to focus/concentrate.  So, my goal with this particular entry is to give you a bit of an update on me.  I have a couple of event blogs that need to happen, but they require remembering sequential moments, so I will have to get those out in due time...just not now.  This will flow a bit easier and maybe answer some questions.

1) My weight.  Why would I make this first?  Well, for starters, I'm rather proud of my accomplishment thus far.  Since November of last year, I have lost 48 lbs.  I've been stagnant for the last couple of weeks, but I'm still working on it.  I feel much better physically, mentally, and it will only continue to get better.  I'd say I'd keep you updated on my progress with this, but that could get old real quick and I think you'd be happy just hearing me shout out the latest number if it's a significant difference.  What is my goal?  Well, if I went to my goal weight for my height, I'd have to lose another 88 lbs.  Sorry if you're shocked by that number, but it's so true.  And yes, I know that my build is not one that works well with my goal weight.  I was 5 lbs over that in 8th grade and I looked incredibly frail and bony.  But...I need to have a number goal.  When I reach the point that I feel I look good, I'll stop regardless of what the number is.  I just know right now I'm not ready to stop...not even close. 

2) The new relationship.  I am sorry if this came as a surprise to some.  I wasn't really advertising it broadly for all of my friends until what we had could actually be defined into a term...a label.  I don't like labeling and we certainly didn't need to for us.  But when it comes time to let your friends know, it's a little difficult to say, "I have no idea what we are but we're something."  Uh...right.  So, we defined it.  Anyway, a little detail...  He's older than I am, 41 to be exact.  Like me, he has three wonderful children, the oldest being 15, the youngest 8.  Unlike me, he has his kids full time.  Freaking out yet?  Don't.  I'm perfectly content with all of that; and we are at the same point in each of our lives, which gives me an oddly comfortable sense of home.  However (there's always a however, a but, or something), I am pretty much scared to death.  Why, you ask?  I'm scared because I'm afraid of screwing it all up.  I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me that causes me to hurt people.  I truly wish things could be simple enough in a way that allows you to 'go with the flow' without questioning anything.  That would be pretty much awesome.  Suffice to say, no one's ever happy with my decisions; some wait on tenterhooks for the opportunity to say I told you so.  They may very well get their chance, but I don't want it to be because of me.  When I can look at our relationship in a way that only encompasses him, myself, and our kids, I am extremely happy.  It would be nice if we could all be on the same page with that.  I actually started this blog out with a bit of a different tone, and now because of my annoyance with those who term themselves 'friends', I have lost my appetite to blog about this right now.

In conclusion, those are the biggest 'me' updates.  With an exception of trying to contain my irritation with those who choose not to be supportive or who can't seem to refrain from playing both sides of the field cruelly, I am happy, content, and feeling good.  I hope all of you are too.