Relation...whahhh???

Realizations can be like pin pricks to your tush, but they can be most beneficial.  For example, I realized the other night, as I was yet again delirious with fever, that the last 2 years of my life can be summed up in several episodes of Sex and the City (1 1/2 years can be thrown out of the equation). Instead of running down the street screaming in fear, I decided to embrace the fact and run WITH it. My life is my life and I love learning from it...just never at the moment that it's happening. Like in matters of love, I have seen good and bad and irrational when it comes to relationships/dating/singledom. I've fallen for men maybe only twice, but I've wanted to fall many times over. What I really wonder is how many have ever fallen for me? Though, I'll be honest when I say that while I wonder, I'll lose interest in about an hour. The past is the past and it bears no weight on my life at present. Just the cat being curious.

But what makes a good relationship? Many say this is relative; it's different for everyone. For me, I can probably, but not completely, sum it up with a few key components:

• Exclusivity - Sure, I've had my casual relationships; but, when someone makes it clear that the casualness is preferred, then it's also clear that the relationship won't grow beyond that.( "We're not the exception; we're the rule." ~ He's Just Not That Into You) Don't get me wrong. That doesn't make that type of relationship bad or negative. If that's what you're good with at the moment, then it may be ideal for you. There have been times for me when this was the case. I'm just at a point where I'm ready to move past that. I can't talk future unless I know you're capable of devoting your attention to just one woman. No one wants to waste anyone's time when you consider that we don't really have much of it.
• Communication - I don't want anyone up my ass and I don't want to be up anyone else's. I like my "me" time and I get irritated when I see friends get interrupted by phone calls or texts from their significant others when they know they're out with friends. BUT...I also don't like going days without hearing from someone and not knowing what's going on. Are you busy, not feeling like talking to me, losing interest, seeing someone else...see how this could escalate? Sometimes, it's just a matter of needing some good ole common courtesy. A simple note or reply or something to say I'm caught up but all is well. Works wonders.
• Time - At this age, most of us have kids, jobs, etc. It's hard to divvy up that time equally. I don't ask to have as much time as your kids or your job, but I think it's important to make time for each other. Even if it's just an agreed upon date night, or whatever, one or two nights a week. Something you can depend upon, knowing you will get to see that person for sure that day/night.
• Attention - This goes along with time and communication combined. We can assume that when we're not around each other, that we at least think about each other. But making time to see each other or to communicate somehow with each other lets the other person know they have your attention.
• Faithfulness - See Exclusivity... Unless shown otherwise (be it miscommunication or not) we have to implicitly trust each other to be faithful. Otherwise, why even bother to start the relationship in the first place. That said, faithfulness is something that we should be able to depend on and not have to question. If you really can't hold up that end of the bargain, then tell the other person and remove yourself from the relationship immediately. Because clearly, it isn't for you.
• Love/Devotion - Some use the "L" word sooner than others. I say if you're comfortable knowing that's how you feel, then do/say what feels right. But even if you're not there yet, there's a level of devotion that shows how much you care. If you don't feel that's being reciprocated, then is it really a relationship?
• Sex - Argue this if you want, but I feel (at least for me) that sex is a healthy component to the relationship. It's very important to me, so if it's not a mutual thing or there's no compatibility, there will only be issues later in the relationship.
• Availability - This is a biggie. While I understand that certain circumstances may prevent total (normal) communication via specific methods...sigh...it would be nice to know that you can call on (or email, or text, or whatever) your significant other if you needed them; i.e. locked yourself out of the house, are delirious with fever, etc. as opposed to assuming they may not even see your message until a day or two later, by which time you may be frozen solid on your door step or dead on your bathroom floor. It just kinda sucks that others can get to them faster than you can. I'm not sure there's much out there that is more frustrating than this.

And then...I move on to other girly topics like weight. I neglected this thing I pay for every month called the gym during this never ending football season. As a result (because I'm still eating the same), I've gained 5 lbs, give or take. I've made efforts at home by buying a weight bench, weights, zumba Wii game, etc. While I use all of those things at home (sometimes), I find my best motivation comes from the gym, itself. When I'm there, and after, I just simply feel good. There's only one thing better, kids, and that's "censored for young viewers". And I'll have my cake and eat it too on that note. Nonetheless, I have found that for a variety of reasons, the gym has to be a regular part of my life. There really isn't a substitute for that sort of bliss. I eat right, never starve myself, and I just have to accept the fact that I am the type of person who needs constant exercise in my routine.

But enough of all of that. I've said too much on both these topics. Off we go towards another day.

A Life Less Organized

It's amazing how things can turn themselves around in the course of a week or even a weekend; better yet in a day.  But that's all I've to say on that.  I have a great need for humor at this point in my day and I prefer to soak up as much as I can get.

I'm moving...again...this week.  I get the keys on Thursday, so I'll have a half day that day and I'm taking off on Friday.  The goal is to have everything moved into the new place by Saturday so that I can have Sunday to clean.  We'll see how that goes.  Then, during my attempt at recovering from anticipated exhaustion, I'll get the kiddos on Monday to start our week.  And I will say that it will be highly unlikely to see me out and about during that week and the next weekend with the kids as I would like to spend some serious quality time with them...stress free, and because I'm sure this move will nicely drain my finances for just a bit.  Though I'm attempting to make sure there is as little damage in that aspect as possible.  I'm very excited to be in the new place, but I can't so much feel that right now.  Until everything is moved in, I will be tense and anxious.  Par for the course, really.  I need to give a ton of thanks to all of my friends that have volunteered to help with my move, whether they're able to because of the schedule or not.  I am forever grateful to have you guys in my life.  P.S. Daeron is getting paid for his heavy lifting with steak and beer, so if you'd like to get in on that...

Couple of funny things to relate.  First of all, we know there is never a dull moment at my place.  Well, maybe when I'm alone.  No...not even then.  But when there's other people to witness the shenanigans that go on or to be a part of them, it's so much more fun.  So, Sunday night I picked up D because  a) she was going stir crazy in her apartment since she'd recently hit a deer and didn't yet have her car back and  b) because company is always nice during packing.  While there's a good number of hilarious stuff that we said and did, sometimes bringing us back to the mentality of teenagers, there's only really one that I wish to share.  In fact, if I didn't share it, I would feel that I was depriving my friends severely.  Here it is...

...D is in my kitchen, getting a cup of coffee.  I'm sitting on my living room floor...probably texting.  I start to hear what sounded like coughing, so I asked, "D, is that you?"  And then it got worse.  So I head towards the hallway, and so does D coming from the other direction.  We both get to the scene simultaneously, just in time to hear and see my cat retching like crazy and puking up the cat treats I had given him earlier.  The best part of this is that D immediately throws her hand to her mouth and almost pukes in the hallway right next to the cat.  So, she takes off to the bathroom and I'm left to clean up the mess.  Normally, I'm a "sympathetic barfer", but the cat didn't even chew the treats, so all I was cleaning up were whole pieces of fish shaped treats with saliva.  I survived.  But as I was cleaning, I couldn't help but sincerely laugh out loud because while I'm hearing the cat still retching next to me, I'm hearing D retching in the bathroom.  And these are the times, people.  These are the times.  (Note: this would be the same night that I smacked my face off the corner of my headboard attempting to grab my phone charger, yelling out the words "F*** ME!" and then attempting to hold back tears.)

Second on my list of funny things to recently occur in my apartment, came about just last night.  Amazingly, only one cup of coffee consumed prior to visiting me had K completely hyper and messed up (in my opinion) for the rest of the night.  Absolutely amazing.  Anyway, so she comes over and we have an incredibly yummy dinner, I bake brownies, and virtually avoid any attempt at packing.  Though I only really had one box left, which K went to the kids room with.  However, I did plan on wrapping the good china from the hutch...just didn't get to it.  Anyway, as we sat chatting for a bit, I must have been distracted enough to space out for a minute or 5.  I don't know.  But I recovered to K asking me if I heard anything she had just said.  I admitted that I hadn't heard a word of it, which is funny enough in and of itself.  But apparently, she had been attempting to have a serious (well, I don't know how serious.  maybe i mean, sincere.) conversation with me about pornos and enemas.  I clearly remember how we would have gotten to such a conversation, as I believe I started it with my unswerving devotion to be quite open about such topics.  But...pornos and enemas?  And why did my brain pick that moment to walk away?  Would those key words not have pulled me back in?  Once completely recovered, the thought of K having a conversation with herself about pornos and enemas (I can't stop writing that) was enough to make us laugh ourselves practically into a fit.  Again...these are the times.  (also to be noted: K did my dishes)

So, that's about it for the pre-moving blogging.  I will hopefully get back to it with my highly charged political rants that I am dying to throw out again.  Must be the time of year.  Or maybe it's because of liberal suckiness; I don't know.

Till then, peace out... (see what I just did there?)

Fences Become Walls

Is it wrong to just want to be left alone? Is it wrong to want to, I don't know, avoid drama? Does some sort of human manual exist that I don't have in my arsenal that states drama is a must? I just want to have uncomplicated relationships, friendships, even trysts, whatever. And I'd like each relationship to be between me and that other person only. Just a one on one little world that no one can penetrate. Now, it goes to say that the other person can have as many relationships as they want outside of our world. Likewise, so can I. But the important part is that no one else is involved in ours. Why is this so important? Because everyone has a fucking agenda! Everyone screws it up whether they intend to or not. People are selfish and unrealistic. Do I have to alienate myself to reach a point where I am no longer affected by this? What do I have to do to make it stop? These are the things that push people away. These are the building blocks of walls. These are ridiculous gestures of immaturity. I can't so much handle any of that, nor should I.

It is also important for me to note that I was super happy last night and this morning. Does that somehow signal to others that they must immediately take action to ruin that? Seriously!