Texting Etiquette

As promised, today's blog will totally encompass the rules of texting...according to me.  I'm sure many times I have broken some cardinal rules in this arena and, if so, my bad.  However, it's important to make it clear that there are just certain things that are unacceptable.  So, I'm here to tell you how to avoid irritating those you text.

• This is the most important thing to remember.  Texting is not necessarily meant to be real time.  That means that if you send a text, you cannot expect to get a response right away.  Now, some of us typically keep our phones handy, so maybe you're getting spoiled because we normally respond so quickly.  However, texting means we don't have to.  Likewise, we understand that you may be busy, unavailable, or simply don't want to talk until you're ready.  We'll wait patiently, will you?
• On that note, if you don't get a response right away, do NOT follow up with a text that says, "Hello?"  I'm at the point that this will get you either an extremely smart ass response, a tirade of me telling you how rude you are and how valuable my time is, and/or me never responding to any of your texts ever again.
• Furthering that train of thought...if someone uses texting to invite you to an event, at least give a response of some sort at some point.  Not responding to an invitation at all is a bit rude.  If you're not responding because you're sick of hearing from that person, then buck up and tell them to stop texting you.  Make up something, I don't care.  But don't just not respond because invites require a yay/nay despite irritation.
• Stop trying to be someone's boyfriend/girlfriend.  If we are not in that sort of relationship, stop texting me every single day to say something stupid and unimportant about your day or to simply check up on mine.  In fact, even if you are my boyfriend, don't ever do that.  I guarantee I'll start rolling my eyes every time I get a text from you and I'll stop wanting to respond.  Keep in mind, though, it's okay to do that every once in awhile.  If done correctly, it lets the person know you're thinking about them randomly and that kinda feels good.
• MEN!  Stop asking women for pics.  We've all been trapped by this, so I'm not going to act holier than thou on this one.  But I can tell you, you'll get a lot more respect if you never ask.
• This is a personal pet peeve, but there are certain endearment terms that make me gag when I see them in text.  I'm not saying I necessarily care if you use them verbally (maybe I do), but definitely avoid them in text.  They are "boo", and "hun".  I don't know why, but they're like nails on a chalkboard.  Either come up with something better, or don't call me anything at all.
• Drunk texting...we're all guilty of this.  But there are a couple different levels of drunk texting we need to avoid.  I don't mind the gibberish ones because they make me laugh.  But the obvious, "Can I come over?", and the like are unacceptable.  Drunken invitations are obvious and a bit insulting.  I, too, have a problem with all types of drunk texting and I've even gone as far as to delete some people's #s to remove them from harm's way.  I don't do it with everyone, but there are certain people that I immediately go to. (You're welcome, if I deleted you.)

Alright, kids.  I think that's at least the most important points.  I'm switching up a line from Yo Gabba Gabba here, but DON'T IRRITATE YOU'RE FRIENDS!!!!!

Falling In & Out of Hate

Sing to me, and I might just find a place for you in my heart (or get your bottom lip pierced because that drives me insane).  Otherwise...

I met a couple this weekend from Jersey who now reside in Lancaster after retirement.  I've never met a couple who seemed more in love and simply enjoyed each other's presence.  Of course, I have no clue what it means to be in love like that, but I imagine that this couple epitomize whatever that is.  More interesting to me is the fact that the guy was a member of a gospel group called the Raw Silvertones from, I think, 1959 to 1982 (and it's possible I even heard the name wrong).  Not sure why that stuck with me, except that music follows me everywhere.  I asked him if they ever made any recordings, and his response was that he has a 45 somewhere.  I laugh only because my first thought was, I wonder if I can get this stuff on iTunes.  All in all, these two people were somehow very impressive to me (especially once I got them talking) and I can't deny that they affected me greatly.

Next up is admission time.  Oh, no, wait.  I'm not ready for that yet...

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Next!  New stuff out this summer like the new Limp Bizkit album, released yesterday.  I know they're a "love 'em or hate 'em" kind of band, but I'll always feel a bit sentimental towards them.  LB & Kid Rock (back when he was cool) was my first real concert experience in Pittsburgh.  Nick asked me to go that day, very last minute.  So, I convinced our great friend, Burke Bowen, to cover my shift at work and just took off west.  Two incredible acts that really knew how to get an audience moving.  Honestly, it was an experience I'll never forget.  It definitely helped to shape the summer of 1999.  So this album!  I think it goes back to the 3 Dollar Bill days when their music was less mainstream.  I haven't taken it out of my cd player since I got it.  And go buy the deluxe version at Best Buy; 4 bonus tracks are on it from what I understand.

Also, a little somethin for you all to look forward to this summer...  A friend is moving forward with a great concept that I am going to try and help bring to the surface of reality.  Starting as a facebook group, the idea is to create a place where individuals who have gone through a bad breakup, separation, or divorce can connect/network with others who have been in a similar place.  Discussions will be facilitated, but the group will allow people to share their experiences, thoughts, suggestions, and tips on going through these types of situations.  I think it'll be a great opportunity for people to talk things out, hear from others who've already been there, and maybe even work through some of their situations.  It will be nice to know you're not alone and are amongst friends.  So, if you are someone who thinks you might like to try this out, let me know.  Further, I'd like to hear some feedback on what you might like to see in a group like this.  What would you be looking for?  Think about it, and I'll start giving more details as the project moves along.  Also, look for invites coming soon from Connect the Hearts.

Sex and the Bitchy

I read today that chewing gum helps reduce stress levels by either producing or reducing a certain chemical. I couldn't tell you what it is because I didn't find it interesting enough to retain the information. But what I was curious about was whether or not this could reduce anger levels as well. As in, I don't want my hands to find themselves around your sorry neck, so I'm just going to chew this piece of gum for a minute and calm myself down. Nothing scientific here, but I'll try it out and let you know how it goes.

On that note, I deleted two more numbers today from my phone. Call it "Mission: Clean House"; I don't care. Though, it's more like mission impossible for me if we want to be realistic. But I'm determined to eliminate people from my life that, plain and simply, piss me off. I just want a few minutes to vent about individuals who are so hypocritical, who lie so much they lie to themselves, who lack at least a decade's worth of maturity but call themselves men, who are so scared of what's in front of them they can't enjoy it for the honesty of what it is. But I'm not going to do that right now because my gum is upstairs and I'd need several pieces to calmly write that out.

Furthering this train of thought, I'm making a serious transition away from saying yes to people who fix me up with "men". A couple things to note here...

1) I don't need help finding men. Granted, my choices in men thus far have SUCKED as they've all either turned out to be complete assholes or complete pigs...or both, naturally. But still, the "help" is just as insulting and you're not doing me any favors. Clearly, this is a fresh topic for me and I'm irritated.

2) When fixing people up with others, the general idea is to bring together two individuals who share similar interests and have at least a possibility of being attracted to each other. If you can't do that, DON'T try to continue the attempt. It will not work and at least one of these people will end up mad at you. Also, if you don't know what someone's looking for (or not looking for), ask them. That common courtesy will go a long way.

3) I'm not opportunistic like some. So, please stop thinking I am and using this in your "help" to me.

So, to make all this clear...I don't want to meet or date or anything else with your friend, your relative, the guy you met walking your dog. I got this. And, though others seem to think differently, you will never meet my friends or family as this also ends badly. Deal? Deal.

Also! Cause I'm on a roll here. Friends are friends are friends. If you feel the need to contact me for business type help with music or tech related things and you aren't really my friend, don't. I'm not in those environments to make big money or meet contacts that will elevate my position in life. I am among friends and things I enjoy. However, I will truly help my real friends whenever they need it, without fail, to the best of my ability.

Alright, I'm done.  Do I feel a little better writing that out?  Not really.  I know that those who are clueless remain clueless and while things change, people don't.  It's best to eliminate the issues.

On to the next one! And to use Joey's fave quote from Rambo, "It's over, Johnny.  It's OVER!!!"

The Importance of Being Ernest

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"I'm Okay With This Being Casual"

If you're having a casual relationship with a guy, whether or not there are "benefits," and you're not really okay with the way things are going, don't lie to yourself or him and say that you're perfectly fine with a casual relationship. Be honest with yourself and admit the truth - sometimes that scare will be enough to encourage him to take it a step further. If he doesn't want to, then you know where the two of you stand and you can either continue on with the casual relationship or you can move on without him. 

This is an excerpt from an article I read while randomly checking my horoscope (sometimes you just gotta).  The article is a Yahoo contribution by Lauren Romano.  Pretty spot on, if you ask me.  And this is the philosophy I've been using for the last 3 years.  There's one flaw in my own method, but I'll get to that in a minute.

First, I have to give two examples of the 'casual relationship' scenario, but will start with my own version of the philosophy.  At this moment in my life, I am not surrounded by many men that would make sense in my life as a permanent fixture.  Maybe it's not being able to live up to my checklist; maybe it's because it wouldn't be mutual (for reasons only they can tell: not being ready, not feeling a certain way about me, or just not wanting that type of relationship for themselves at all).  But the short and sweet of it is that I am not "there".  So, if I want to have casual relationships until I do find what I want, so be it.  For the most part, I'm very open about this with men because they need to know that up front.  If either party feels that way, it's best to know from the beginning so you can decide if that's what you're okay with or not.  Like the article pointed out, though, you may not know you're okay with it or not until you find yourself deeper in the relationship.  Spending time with someone will definitely pull you one way or another.  And I say that I am open about it for the "most part" because sometimes it's so obvious what it is that no one has to verbally throw it out there.  I'm beginning to realize this is a mistake, but that's what I've been going with.  The point is, you have to have honesty on both sides.  If you tell me it'll never happen beyond what it is, I now have the opportunity to say that's cool, or no thanks I'll move on...and vice verse.

So, here's what I've experienced recently...

Man #1:  It is understood, without having ever said a word, that what we have/had is, and will only be, a casual thing.  At this point in time, I'm fine with that.  However, the behavior, which I feel is a direct result of fear, is getting to be so annoying that I am prepared to walk away for good.  I believe he is afraid that if he stays a little too long, has an actual conversation about anything personal, or shows any amount of real affection, I will somehow get the wrong idea about what our relationship is.  It's sad to me because he truly comes off as an @$$hole when he doesn't realize that it's really okay not to want to be exclusively committed to someone.  Maybe I should take some responsibility and say that I should have spoken my mind about what I did or did not want from the beginning, but I didn't.  And it's obvious to me that he never will.

Man #2:  It is also understood with this person that a casual relationship is okay in my book, but we learned this about each other by talking about it.  No one brought up the subject awkwardly; it just came up naturally in a comfortable conversation.  He actually talks to me in addition to listening to what I have to say.  Not only did we come to the conclusion that we are on the same page, it was actually a relief to both of us to have the words spoken aloud.  In addition, we are now able to completely enjoy each other's company with no pretenses or silent fear that someone's going to get the wrong impression.  It's nice.

In conclusion, it's incredibly important to be up front and honest as much as you can be in a situation.  Everyone deserves that.  More importantly, you need to be honest with yourself, also pointed out in the article.  If you want a relationship or you don't, it's okay.  You want what you want and, eventually, you'll find someone who shares those thoughts.  No sense making yourself miserable being in a situation you don't want to be in.  And, of course, things have a tendency to change.  One person may certainly fall for the other more than intended.  When two people are compatible enough to begin any kind of relationship together, it makes sense that this could happen.  Now, I'm a firm believer that you cross that bridge when you get to it.  But when you do, treat it like you did at the beginning.  Share these newly changed feelings and your next set of actions can be based on the response.  Just don't lie to your self or them.  Keep it real. 

On that note: