The Importance of Being Ernest

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"I'm Okay With This Being Casual"

If you're having a casual relationship with a guy, whether or not there are "benefits," and you're not really okay with the way things are going, don't lie to yourself or him and say that you're perfectly fine with a casual relationship. Be honest with yourself and admit the truth - sometimes that scare will be enough to encourage him to take it a step further. If he doesn't want to, then you know where the two of you stand and you can either continue on with the casual relationship or you can move on without him. 

This is an excerpt from an article I read while randomly checking my horoscope (sometimes you just gotta).  The article is a Yahoo contribution by Lauren Romano.  Pretty spot on, if you ask me.  And this is the philosophy I've been using for the last 3 years.  There's one flaw in my own method, but I'll get to that in a minute.

First, I have to give two examples of the 'casual relationship' scenario, but will start with my own version of the philosophy.  At this moment in my life, I am not surrounded by many men that would make sense in my life as a permanent fixture.  Maybe it's not being able to live up to my checklist; maybe it's because it wouldn't be mutual (for reasons only they can tell: not being ready, not feeling a certain way about me, or just not wanting that type of relationship for themselves at all).  But the short and sweet of it is that I am not "there".  So, if I want to have casual relationships until I do find what I want, so be it.  For the most part, I'm very open about this with men because they need to know that up front.  If either party feels that way, it's best to know from the beginning so you can decide if that's what you're okay with or not.  Like the article pointed out, though, you may not know you're okay with it or not until you find yourself deeper in the relationship.  Spending time with someone will definitely pull you one way or another.  And I say that I am open about it for the "most part" because sometimes it's so obvious what it is that no one has to verbally throw it out there.  I'm beginning to realize this is a mistake, but that's what I've been going with.  The point is, you have to have honesty on both sides.  If you tell me it'll never happen beyond what it is, I now have the opportunity to say that's cool, or no thanks I'll move on...and vice verse.

So, here's what I've experienced recently...

Man #1:  It is understood, without having ever said a word, that what we have/had is, and will only be, a casual thing.  At this point in time, I'm fine with that.  However, the behavior, which I feel is a direct result of fear, is getting to be so annoying that I am prepared to walk away for good.  I believe he is afraid that if he stays a little too long, has an actual conversation about anything personal, or shows any amount of real affection, I will somehow get the wrong idea about what our relationship is.  It's sad to me because he truly comes off as an @$$hole when he doesn't realize that it's really okay not to want to be exclusively committed to someone.  Maybe I should take some responsibility and say that I should have spoken my mind about what I did or did not want from the beginning, but I didn't.  And it's obvious to me that he never will.

Man #2:  It is also understood with this person that a casual relationship is okay in my book, but we learned this about each other by talking about it.  No one brought up the subject awkwardly; it just came up naturally in a comfortable conversation.  He actually talks to me in addition to listening to what I have to say.  Not only did we come to the conclusion that we are on the same page, it was actually a relief to both of us to have the words spoken aloud.  In addition, we are now able to completely enjoy each other's company with no pretenses or silent fear that someone's going to get the wrong impression.  It's nice.

In conclusion, it's incredibly important to be up front and honest as much as you can be in a situation.  Everyone deserves that.  More importantly, you need to be honest with yourself, also pointed out in the article.  If you want a relationship or you don't, it's okay.  You want what you want and, eventually, you'll find someone who shares those thoughts.  No sense making yourself miserable being in a situation you don't want to be in.  And, of course, things have a tendency to change.  One person may certainly fall for the other more than intended.  When two people are compatible enough to begin any kind of relationship together, it makes sense that this could happen.  Now, I'm a firm believer that you cross that bridge when you get to it.  But when you do, treat it like you did at the beginning.  Share these newly changed feelings and your next set of actions can be based on the response.  Just don't lie to your self or them.  Keep it real. 

On that note:

No Sleep for the Wicked

This has been an interesting week & a half for me fo sho.  I met someone who I  "clicked" with right away for the first time in so long.  Of course, his current situation means that a friendship is the only option for now.  It's the right way to handle this, and I can appreciate and respect the reasons that are in front of me.  At the same time, I'm very frustrated.  But that's my problem, not his.  I get his company almost every day in some capacity, and I will accept that for what it is and keep it positive.  Besides, I feel that a great friendship is a wonderful thing to have and hey...maybe this is fate intervening.  Maybe this is a way to force me into slowing down a bit and avoid people and things that are potentially dangerous for me.  I'm just saying...the glass is half full.

Enough of that.  My 2nd job is just plain awesome.  I had the absolute best night there last week.  I worked the "beauty" room and yeah, I worked it.  It was so easy to get people motivated to spend money on stuff from that room because I was just plain out having fun with them.  Engaging customers is one thing, but taking it a few steps beyond makes it feel like I'm not working and they're not being sold something.  It's a win/win.  Plus, in all my fun, I must have been wearing every scent we had in that store.  It's like a toy room.  At one point, my manager says, "Ooh, you smell good."  I just laughed and replied, "I smell like a French whore!"  I'm not sure they know how to take me yet... The point is that I'm pretty happy and comfortable there, and I absolutely love all the girls I work with.

And now for the portion of the show where I confess horrible, awful things.  Don't worry, I'll keep sex out of it.  Unless I start getting requests.  But I ain't no Anais Nin, folks, so be careful what you ask for.  Anyway, my first confession is a scary mommy moment.  Here goes:

After paying AAA to come out and unlock my truck that the kids locked my keys in (they were cleaning it out for me), we were ready to walk out the door and head to book club.  Drake, bless his little heart, was wearing an Easter bucket on his head.  Understand that I didn't question this at the moment because he's a kid.  Plus, he's a product of Nick & I which pretty much means he's also a weird kid.  In the middle of dinner at book club I decide to ask the reason for the bucket.  His response was that he just wanted to wear it (imagine as much attitude as possible being thrown from this kid's soul as he's saying this).  Pardon me for asking.  But Trent decides it's time to fill me in.  He says, "Thats not exactly the truth.  Feel the back of his head."  Sure enough, there's a huge lump.  If you are aware of even half the head injuries this child has brought on for himself over the past year, you'd understand why I take these things very seriously.  After I explain the severity of the situation, I asked all three of them why no one told me.  According to Roz, Drake was jumping off the bed (or something to that effect) and didn't want to tell me he got hurt because he was afraid he'd get in trouble.  This would be a result of the fact that he's been told a gazillion times NOT to do that because that's how he continues to get hurt.  So, Roz said he was screaming at her not to tell me.  Naturally, I asked where I was when all this commotion was going on.  Answer?  Roz: Oh, you had your headphones in or were on the phone or something.  Nice one... Don't worry, I wasn't going to say yes to babysitting your kids anyway.  Oh! Almost forgot.  While carrying a sleeping Drake out of the house to go home, I banged his head off the door frame.  No comment...

Image by rdpeyton via Flickr

Confession #2 is food related.  Mother's day ended with a great friend bringing me my favorite, taco pizza from JoJo's.  Oh, it's so mouth watering. I had 3 slices that night and 2 for dinner tonight.  Yes, that affected my weight by 2 lbs.  But I don't regret it.  That was some guilt free yumminess.  I will totally be back on track tomorrow, though.  I even packed my lunch  already.  It consists of Special K, celery & peanut butter, V-8 tomato soup, and grapes.  Then I'm planning some delicious eggs on oatmeal toast for dinner.  I got this.  Plus, I'm doing this weight loss challenge, and I have to take it seriously.

Okay, kids.  I'm exhausted now somehow, so I'll end this nonsense.  Until next time...

Fighting For New Territory

I almost always have interesting weekends to speak of, but also almost always feel like I should be changing the names of people and places for privacy and fear of getting sued. Is this good or bad? Anyway, I'll get right down to it.

During Friday's gym session, I got to chatting with one of my 'gym bros' (yeah, I have those) about the workings of the gym, the people who take naps on the equipment, thus making circuit training virtually impossible, and...ourselves. Truly, I enjoyed talking to this guy. Our convo ended with his plan to return home to his wife and test out that bottle of wine he set out for air, and me? I was planning a nice quiet trip to Rock Bass Grill, all by myself, to drink a couple of jack & diets, nibble on the contents of a veggie plate, and read/write. I'd even put my headphones in so no one would be tempted to bother me. Crazy to wanna be anti social in a social environment, right? I couldn't tell you...I never actually went. I ended up with the urge to check out what was going on at the Appalatian Brewing Company. Long story short, a few jack & diet doubles later I'm carrying a drum kit out the back door with a guy in a kilt. At least he was from the same clan...nothing more that is legal can be added to that story. Hahaha...I kid. I kid.

Saturday might have topped interesting even with my standards. I spent a lovely day at my daughter's opening day softball double header, got some sun...burn, and chatted with some great people. I was invited to go out later that night to Rod's Roadhouse with a friend and her boyfriend. I'd never been there and wasn't sure it was my thing, but I also figured it would be cool to give it a try and be in the company of a fun friend. I was very right. I don't know how many of you have been there, but I felt like I was the catch of the day in an Asian fish market. Well, what I would imagine that would feel like, anyway. Now here's the thing. At some points it went from being flattering to being annoying, to making me wanna throw down...or up, depending on who it was. I think it was the place or something because it was truly abnormal behavior going on. Saved by the very kind bouncer a couple of times, I made it through the night and had a ton of fun. The subsequent diner experience with him was also quite nice. All in all, I feel I walked away from that with no less than a new friend whose company I really enjoy.

So, I ended on a good note. Though good notes never really end, and mine is still going. Remember always, no expectations...

Why, I Oughtta...

I wanted to write about my relationships, in order, since I left my husband.  Can you believe I'm starting to forget about some of them?  So maybe I'll just write about the ones that were important to me, the ones I remember EVERYTHING about.  The Ryans and Brians and bears, oh my!  Bring the good, the bad, the ugly, and oh god the naughty moments these last two years.  I do fear I will scare the hell out of people and even more will simply never understand.  But I can guarantee most will be wishing they could live this life for a hot five minutes.  After all, that's sometimes all it takes.  I don't know how long this will take me to complete; honestly, I don't know if I can bring myself to divulge some of the details I hold inside my mind about these experiences, but...I'm going to make a sincere effort to bring it forth.  Who knows what it will do for me and others?  Also, publicly announcing that I'm going to make this attempt somewhat makes me hold myself accountable to actually do it.

Aside from that, I am in love with myself and the gym.  I used to make fun of my secretly dubbed, Mr. Awesome, for admiring himself in the weight room mirrors.  But then I realized that I do the exact same thing.  God love him, this man knows my heart.  Plus he's nice to everyone that works out around us, so I can't really take issue with his narcissism when I see no negative effects.  Keep it up, Mr. Awesome.  Keep it up.  As for me, it's easy to pick out my flaws.  However, I've never loved my body more (except in high school, but I took it for granted then).  I even love my large c-section scars because hey, they came about for three very important reasons and are a testament to the best things that ever came about in my life.  They are a part of me, and I admire their existence.  I yell at them sometimes because they made the alteration of my body in a positive way extremely difficult, but...did I mention how awesome my shoulder area is? 

On this line of thinking, I've agreed to start on a 13 week? weight loss challenge as the sixth team member for a couple of my friends.  Basically, this will consist of all things I'm doing now with a low calorie/high protein eating plan (important to note that this is not a diet but how I eat...period), regular exercise, but the addition of important natural vitamins and minerals to ensure that my body really is getting what it needs.  Of course the winning team gets something, though I don't know exactly what yet.  I'll admit this is some good incentive, along with some good old fashion competition and the fear of letting my teammates down.  Needless to say, I intend to kick some arse...and my own into better shape while I'm at it.

Also!  I was invited by a fighter at my gym to tag along to his Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym.  I'm so insanely excited.  I highly doubt they'll let me do anything but watch, but this is probably in everyone's best interests at the moment anyway.  For those of you that are not familiar, I'll give you the Wikipedia definition. It's a martial art, combat sport, and self defense system that focuses on grappling and especially ground fighting.  The art was derived from the Japanese martial art of Kodokan judo in the early 20th century.  Read on if you want to know more: http://en.m.Wikipedia.org/wiki/Brazilian_Jiu_Jitsu .  Most of you are aware of my deep love and admiration for mma.  BJJ is one style of fighting that is heavily used in the sport and I find it terribly exciting along with the people who use and excel in it, such as the masters that are the Gracie family.  I'll be sure to fill you all in after I go.

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Tip of the day before I watch a movie?  Open your hearts and minds but close your wallets and mouths, especially in regard to politics.  If your looking for a good fight and something/someone to spend money on, just come on over to my place.  You'll be quite welcome. :)