Sex and the Bitchy

I read today that chewing gum helps reduce stress levels by either producing or reducing a certain chemical. I couldn't tell you what it is because I didn't find it interesting enough to retain the information. But what I was curious about was whether or not this could reduce anger levels as well. As in, I don't want my hands to find themselves around your sorry neck, so I'm just going to chew this piece of gum for a minute and calm myself down. Nothing scientific here, but I'll try it out and let you know how it goes.

On that note, I deleted two more numbers today from my phone. Call it "Mission: Clean House"; I don't care. Though, it's more like mission impossible for me if we want to be realistic. But I'm determined to eliminate people from my life that, plain and simply, piss me off. I just want a few minutes to vent about individuals who are so hypocritical, who lie so much they lie to themselves, who lack at least a decade's worth of maturity but call themselves men, who are so scared of what's in front of them they can't enjoy it for the honesty of what it is. But I'm not going to do that right now because my gum is upstairs and I'd need several pieces to calmly write that out.

Furthering this train of thought, I'm making a serious transition away from saying yes to people who fix me up with "men". A couple things to note here...

1) I don't need help finding men. Granted, my choices in men thus far have SUCKED as they've all either turned out to be complete assholes or complete pigs...or both, naturally. But still, the "help" is just as insulting and you're not doing me any favors. Clearly, this is a fresh topic for me and I'm irritated.

2) When fixing people up with others, the general idea is to bring together two individuals who share similar interests and have at least a possibility of being attracted to each other. If you can't do that, DON'T try to continue the attempt. It will not work and at least one of these people will end up mad at you. Also, if you don't know what someone's looking for (or not looking for), ask them. That common courtesy will go a long way.

3) I'm not opportunistic like some. So, please stop thinking I am and using this in your "help" to me.

So, to make all this clear...I don't want to meet or date or anything else with your friend, your relative, the guy you met walking your dog. I got this. And, though others seem to think differently, you will never meet my friends or family as this also ends badly. Deal? Deal.

Also! Cause I'm on a roll here. Friends are friends are friends. If you feel the need to contact me for business type help with music or tech related things and you aren't really my friend, don't. I'm not in those environments to make big money or meet contacts that will elevate my position in life. I am among friends and things I enjoy. However, I will truly help my real friends whenever they need it, without fail, to the best of my ability.

Alright, I'm done.  Do I feel a little better writing that out?  Not really.  I know that those who are clueless remain clueless and while things change, people don't.  It's best to eliminate the issues.

On to the next one! And to use Joey's fave quote from Rambo, "It's over, Johnny.  It's OVER!!!"

The Importance of Being Ernest

Image via Wikipedia

"I'm Okay With This Being Casual"

If you're having a casual relationship with a guy, whether or not there are "benefits," and you're not really okay with the way things are going, don't lie to yourself or him and say that you're perfectly fine with a casual relationship. Be honest with yourself and admit the truth - sometimes that scare will be enough to encourage him to take it a step further. If he doesn't want to, then you know where the two of you stand and you can either continue on with the casual relationship or you can move on without him. 

This is an excerpt from an article I read while randomly checking my horoscope (sometimes you just gotta).  The article is a Yahoo contribution by Lauren Romano.  Pretty spot on, if you ask me.  And this is the philosophy I've been using for the last 3 years.  There's one flaw in my own method, but I'll get to that in a minute.

First, I have to give two examples of the 'casual relationship' scenario, but will start with my own version of the philosophy.  At this moment in my life, I am not surrounded by many men that would make sense in my life as a permanent fixture.  Maybe it's not being able to live up to my checklist; maybe it's because it wouldn't be mutual (for reasons only they can tell: not being ready, not feeling a certain way about me, or just not wanting that type of relationship for themselves at all).  But the short and sweet of it is that I am not "there".  So, if I want to have casual relationships until I do find what I want, so be it.  For the most part, I'm very open about this with men because they need to know that up front.  If either party feels that way, it's best to know from the beginning so you can decide if that's what you're okay with or not.  Like the article pointed out, though, you may not know you're okay with it or not until you find yourself deeper in the relationship.  Spending time with someone will definitely pull you one way or another.  And I say that I am open about it for the "most part" because sometimes it's so obvious what it is that no one has to verbally throw it out there.  I'm beginning to realize this is a mistake, but that's what I've been going with.  The point is, you have to have honesty on both sides.  If you tell me it'll never happen beyond what it is, I now have the opportunity to say that's cool, or no thanks I'll move on...and vice verse.

So, here's what I've experienced recently...

Man #1:  It is understood, without having ever said a word, that what we have/had is, and will only be, a casual thing.  At this point in time, I'm fine with that.  However, the behavior, which I feel is a direct result of fear, is getting to be so annoying that I am prepared to walk away for good.  I believe he is afraid that if he stays a little too long, has an actual conversation about anything personal, or shows any amount of real affection, I will somehow get the wrong idea about what our relationship is.  It's sad to me because he truly comes off as an @$$hole when he doesn't realize that it's really okay not to want to be exclusively committed to someone.  Maybe I should take some responsibility and say that I should have spoken my mind about what I did or did not want from the beginning, but I didn't.  And it's obvious to me that he never will.

Man #2:  It is also understood with this person that a casual relationship is okay in my book, but we learned this about each other by talking about it.  No one brought up the subject awkwardly; it just came up naturally in a comfortable conversation.  He actually talks to me in addition to listening to what I have to say.  Not only did we come to the conclusion that we are on the same page, it was actually a relief to both of us to have the words spoken aloud.  In addition, we are now able to completely enjoy each other's company with no pretenses or silent fear that someone's going to get the wrong impression.  It's nice.

In conclusion, it's incredibly important to be up front and honest as much as you can be in a situation.  Everyone deserves that.  More importantly, you need to be honest with yourself, also pointed out in the article.  If you want a relationship or you don't, it's okay.  You want what you want and, eventually, you'll find someone who shares those thoughts.  No sense making yourself miserable being in a situation you don't want to be in.  And, of course, things have a tendency to change.  One person may certainly fall for the other more than intended.  When two people are compatible enough to begin any kind of relationship together, it makes sense that this could happen.  Now, I'm a firm believer that you cross that bridge when you get to it.  But when you do, treat it like you did at the beginning.  Share these newly changed feelings and your next set of actions can be based on the response.  Just don't lie to your self or them.  Keep it real. 

On that note:

No Sleep for the Wicked

This has been an interesting week & a half for me fo sho.  I met someone who I  "clicked" with right away for the first time in so long.  Of course, his current situation means that a friendship is the only option for now.  It's the right way to handle this, and I can appreciate and respect the reasons that are in front of me.  At the same time, I'm very frustrated.  But that's my problem, not his.  I get his company almost every day in some capacity, and I will accept that for what it is and keep it positive.  Besides, I feel that a great friendship is a wonderful thing to have and hey...maybe this is fate intervening.  Maybe this is a way to force me into slowing down a bit and avoid people and things that are potentially dangerous for me.  I'm just saying...the glass is half full.

Enough of that.  My 2nd job is just plain awesome.  I had the absolute best night there last week.  I worked the "beauty" room and yeah, I worked it.  It was so easy to get people motivated to spend money on stuff from that room because I was just plain out having fun with them.  Engaging customers is one thing, but taking it a few steps beyond makes it feel like I'm not working and they're not being sold something.  It's a win/win.  Plus, in all my fun, I must have been wearing every scent we had in that store.  It's like a toy room.  At one point, my manager says, "Ooh, you smell good."  I just laughed and replied, "I smell like a French whore!"  I'm not sure they know how to take me yet... The point is that I'm pretty happy and comfortable there, and I absolutely love all the girls I work with.

And now for the portion of the show where I confess horrible, awful things.  Don't worry, I'll keep sex out of it.  Unless I start getting requests.  But I ain't no Anais Nin, folks, so be careful what you ask for.  Anyway, my first confession is a scary mommy moment.  Here goes:

After paying AAA to come out and unlock my truck that the kids locked my keys in (they were cleaning it out for me), we were ready to walk out the door and head to book club.  Drake, bless his little heart, was wearing an Easter bucket on his head.  Understand that I didn't question this at the moment because he's a kid.  Plus, he's a product of Nick & I which pretty much means he's also a weird kid.  In the middle of dinner at book club I decide to ask the reason for the bucket.  His response was that he just wanted to wear it (imagine as much attitude as possible being thrown from this kid's soul as he's saying this).  Pardon me for asking.  But Trent decides it's time to fill me in.  He says, "Thats not exactly the truth.  Feel the back of his head."  Sure enough, there's a huge lump.  If you are aware of even half the head injuries this child has brought on for himself over the past year, you'd understand why I take these things very seriously.  After I explain the severity of the situation, I asked all three of them why no one told me.  According to Roz, Drake was jumping off the bed (or something to that effect) and didn't want to tell me he got hurt because he was afraid he'd get in trouble.  This would be a result of the fact that he's been told a gazillion times NOT to do that because that's how he continues to get hurt.  So, Roz said he was screaming at her not to tell me.  Naturally, I asked where I was when all this commotion was going on.  Answer?  Roz: Oh, you had your headphones in or were on the phone or something.  Nice one... Don't worry, I wasn't going to say yes to babysitting your kids anyway.  Oh! Almost forgot.  While carrying a sleeping Drake out of the house to go home, I banged his head off the door frame.  No comment...

Image by rdpeyton via Flickr

Confession #2 is food related.  Mother's day ended with a great friend bringing me my favorite, taco pizza from JoJo's.  Oh, it's so mouth watering. I had 3 slices that night and 2 for dinner tonight.  Yes, that affected my weight by 2 lbs.  But I don't regret it.  That was some guilt free yumminess.  I will totally be back on track tomorrow, though.  I even packed my lunch  already.  It consists of Special K, celery & peanut butter, V-8 tomato soup, and grapes.  Then I'm planning some delicious eggs on oatmeal toast for dinner.  I got this.  Plus, I'm doing this weight loss challenge, and I have to take it seriously.

Okay, kids.  I'm exhausted now somehow, so I'll end this nonsense.  Until next time...

Fighting For New Territory

I almost always have interesting weekends to speak of, but also almost always feel like I should be changing the names of people and places for privacy and fear of getting sued. Is this good or bad? Anyway, I'll get right down to it.

During Friday's gym session, I got to chatting with one of my 'gym bros' (yeah, I have those) about the workings of the gym, the people who take naps on the equipment, thus making circuit training virtually impossible, and...ourselves. Truly, I enjoyed talking to this guy. Our convo ended with his plan to return home to his wife and test out that bottle of wine he set out for air, and me? I was planning a nice quiet trip to Rock Bass Grill, all by myself, to drink a couple of jack & diets, nibble on the contents of a veggie plate, and read/write. I'd even put my headphones in so no one would be tempted to bother me. Crazy to wanna be anti social in a social environment, right? I couldn't tell you...I never actually went. I ended up with the urge to check out what was going on at the Appalatian Brewing Company. Long story short, a few jack & diet doubles later I'm carrying a drum kit out the back door with a guy in a kilt. At least he was from the same clan...nothing more that is legal can be added to that story. Hahaha...I kid. I kid.

Saturday might have topped interesting even with my standards. I spent a lovely day at my daughter's opening day softball double header, got some sun...burn, and chatted with some great people. I was invited to go out later that night to Rod's Roadhouse with a friend and her boyfriend. I'd never been there and wasn't sure it was my thing, but I also figured it would be cool to give it a try and be in the company of a fun friend. I was very right. I don't know how many of you have been there, but I felt like I was the catch of the day in an Asian fish market. Well, what I would imagine that would feel like, anyway. Now here's the thing. At some points it went from being flattering to being annoying, to making me wanna throw down...or up, depending on who it was. I think it was the place or something because it was truly abnormal behavior going on. Saved by the very kind bouncer a couple of times, I made it through the night and had a ton of fun. The subsequent diner experience with him was also quite nice. All in all, I feel I walked away from that with no less than a new friend whose company I really enjoy.

So, I ended on a good note. Though good notes never really end, and mine is still going. Remember always, no expectations...