Politics 101

I'm really more of a Constitutionalist than a Republican, but I'm registered as the latter so that I can vote in the primaries.  If you asked me to lay the country's issues on a table, my vote for likeminded viewpoints would pull me toward the right side of that table, the conservative side.  I would say that is true for me in most areas, but maybe not so much socially.  Why, you ask?  Well, I have no problem with homosexuals, those who want to legalize marijuana, don't conduct their lives and form opinions out of a single church, etc.  What I do have a problem with is our country's attempt to condone a form of communism...socialism.  Yes, I compared it to the big C.  I do not apologize that I don't like the idea of our government being the "Robin Hood" of America.  I think I should keep everything I work for.  I think I shouldn't have to give others privileges that I don't have myself.  I don't like the federal government telling me what to do, what I can't do.  I want to be truly "free", but with local control to help regulate.  We all know there are individuals around us who just aren't sensible.  These include murderers, rapists, robbers, etc.  We need to have a local force to help regulate, yes.  But we need to have the right to defend ourselves as well.  I do not appreciate dirty liberal hippies (haha, yes) taking from me what they do not earn themselves.  Stop fighting for the "rights" that make no sense.  Stop fighting for money that you didn't earn.  Stop putting the environment above your neighbor and children that are in the here and now.  Stop fighting to stop those who are defending your pansy asses!!!

Now, I remember being younger and having some viewpoints that were way more leaning towards the left.  But I grew up.  I believe it was Winston Churchill who said something like, "If you're not a liberal at 20, you're heartless.  If you're not a conservative at 40, you have no brain."  This speaks to me greatly.  As we become adults and gain more responsibility, we start appreciating what it means to fend for ourselves, not to expect others to provide for us.  Our worlds completely change and really...we become a little irritated with those who take what we work hard for.  People have this huge misconception that the government pulls money from some tree in the back yard of the white house.  Do you know how many people try to argue with me and say, "But you aren't paying for me, the government is" "?!  Are you kidding me????  Where on earth do you think the government gets this money?  Hello, TAXES! 

Likewise, people pay too much attention to the media.  Somehow, they have this conviluted idea that every single time our armed forces go to work, they are wasting our money.  I'm not saying judgment passed isn't at very few times correct; however, where exactly do you think we'd be if these brave men and women weren't around to protect us?  There is so much that the media doesn't spell out because they simply are not aware (thank God, or we'd be in even bigger trouble), so the uninformed American believes only what they hear.  Be thankful that so much is going on behind the scenes to protect you. 

On to the real topic... Stop blaming a party for a couple of "off their rocker" retards that put themselves in the limelight.  Democrats vs Republicans is getting really old.  Choose the person that most represents your viewpoints and shut up.  Or, if you get really desperate and don't know who's name to pull out of the hat, vote for me.  But I don't see how you can call yourselves "for the people" Americans when you feel so comfortable prejudging an entire party instead of realizing it's certain individuals that you have a problem with. 

P.S.  If you find me hypocritical at all with this post...I am.  But I'm also right.  The end.

Being Human

"There's no greater feeling than sprawling naked across the bed with the one you love." ~ Being Human

There's no greater feeling, indeed. Hands and hips, thighs and lips. No better way to feel human, be real..be in touch with yourself and the one you can't live without. But that is the reactionary half-sleep that comes as a result of the ultimate passionate sedative. It's the kind of thing that gives you a heightened sense of awareness for your own body as well as theirs without moving an inch. Scent, touch, sight... Hearts beating and pulsating life, a steady flow of bloody emotion; stomachs rising and falling, moving the two sweetest mounds of flesh one at a time as they take turns owning the space you share; hot skin under cool fingertips bringing comfort over every inch. And then the most seductive observation: eyes that see so deep inside of you, past all else, to know your wants and needs before even you do. These are the eyes that reign in your love, forcing you to focus on something far greater than your dreams have ever moved within you.

In between moments like these, as days separate you from this connection, the cracking and splintering is actually painful. You realize that this other living organism, this flawed individual is everything you need and want, but not quite until the experience of near loss of that soul affects your very core. Out of the corner of your mind's eye, you see the slender fingers that held your hand so tightly while you made love, softly while you walked through a parking lot in Jersey, sat on your knee while you talked incessantly. You see and feel the lips that you never want to go without, on your own lips, the corner of your mouth, your neck, your breasts, belly, legs... Could anyone ever let that slip away? Dizzy, dizzy head. Dizzy, dizzy love.

I'm really just sitting here dizzy while my heart, my mind, and my libido take a train ride through the scar tissue of this thing I'm calling love.

"Last Kiss" ...

...by Seven Mary Three, the band of my teenage years.  Heartbreak, hospitals, moving boxes, and family.  That's what I remember most about the end of that era.  The next decade (and a couple more years) flew by way too fast, but maybe for good reason.  Yet as quick as that time left me in the dust, I've been left with many gifts from those days.

Right now, having moved on quite a bit, I sit here with a half clean house (I'm telling you, this is progress) and a heart full of love and a mind full of chaos.  And, of course, I'm listening to Seven Mary Three.  I know I had a discussion earlier this week with my loving mama that I didn't really want to have.  Something triggered my emotional gag reflex and I spewed forth thoughts I've kept from her for a long time.  I told her things that I've been telling my sister for quite some time, but she's different.  Though she is certainly protective, I consider my sister rather objective.  She listens to the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I feel she judges pretty fairly.  If I'm being taken advantage of, she doesn't hesitate to force that to my attention.  At the same time, she doesn't have a problem telling me when I'm being a complete ass and overreacting.  Most importantly, when I need consoling, she's there to deal it out.  My mama...for too long, she's played the role of mama and dad, meaning while she tries to listen and give me relationship advice, she also can be a hard-hearted protector.  I'm afraid if I tell her something negative (and I try to tell all, not just the bad), she'll hold that grudge forever and treat the person I'm with unfairly.  Don't get me wrong, as a mother I understand this completely.  But the other night, I guess it had been building up too long and I let loose.  So much, in fact, I don't even remember half of what I told her.  It was something I needed, though.

I've been here before, but I've come to some conclusions about my current position and why I treat my relationship the way that I do.  I have found myself being suspicious but not being able to justify those suspicions with actions or words.  I have doubted when I should believe.  And, I have grossly underestimated the power and, at the same time, the comfort this love is giving me.  Why?  None of us are perfect, but I think it is quite possibly my fault.  If you don't agree because of a certain incident, please don't comment here.  We'll talk, if you want.  But I've decided I want to give my heart a chance and let the wall down a bit.  I'm in love.  I have to accept that this person is not the men of my past.  I cannot hold him accountable for what others have done.  I can't assume that I always make the wrong decisions with relationships and that I should live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I think that's unfair...for both of us, really.  I love and appreciate what I have.  So, I'm going to concentrate on that; concentrate on him and my family (and my friends that are family).  I want to keep things positive, and I truly believe this is the direction I need to go right now.  It's very important to me.

In conclusion, I didn't want to put a single word of that in writing.  But if I say it, it's real.  The End...

Money? Who needs money???

"Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect all the things we do have?" ~ Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) While I'm not a fabulous single woman living in Manhattan, I do tend to do this all the time. It's like I'm subconsciously trying to avoid happiness. Stressing over...well, just about anything is a good way to enable this.

Currently, I'm stressing over money. I'm extremely talented at making stupid decisions when it comes to spending it. And, as with all avenues of my life, I don't listen to anyone who tries to stop me. That's all about to change. I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes right now and saying, "Yeah right. I'll believe it when I see it." Touche. You're probably right in your predictions of how things will go. However, I'm going to make an honest effort. This time around, I have some backup and support (not that I didn't have it before, but this is new) that I think I can make myself pay attention to. Nonetheless, I'm working on a serious budget, paying off my student loans, not going out to eat, not going to a lot of shows (or out in general), and not spending needlessly on things I feel somehow I deserve simply because I'm fabulous in Shiremanstown. The cool thing is, I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping. Maybe one or two little things for people yet, but pretty much done. I actually look forward to wrapping them all this weekend.

What else am I going to tackle this weekend? Well, seeing as how not much "out of the house" type of action will be going on, I'm planning an attempt to clean my kids' room. There is so much junk in there, you can't see the floor and can't fully open their door. I'm a little scared, and I may need to call in backup. But I figure with some good music, a drink or two, and maybe some chit chat along the way and I'll be good. I doubt I'll get it all done, but I want to at least be able to get in there and put clothes away or change their bed sheets for them (note: they've had to do this themselves and it's not been pretty). If you all don't hear from me for awhile, you may want to come check on me. This WILL get ugly.

On that note, I look forward to some peace this weekend, getting my haircut (don't panic), and spending some time at home. Let's see how this goes.