So, dear readers (or reader, whatever). I must apologize for my blogging absense. The fact that I feel the need to say that I'm sorry for not writing my thoughts in a public forum is a bit weird to me, but that's how I feel none the less. I missed my blogs, but I've sat down and attempted the first of about 3 that I need to catch you up on due to recent events, and I just haven't been able to get very far. Why? Well, it has something to do with the fact that my brain tends to get a bit overwhelmed and scattered at times (hence the name of this blog). And I'm sure my not-so-great eating habits and sleep patterns are not helping my ability to focus/concentrate. So, my goal with this particular entry is to give you a bit of an update on me. I have a couple of event blogs that need to happen, but they require remembering sequential moments, so I will have to get those out in due time...just not now. This will flow a bit easier and maybe answer some questions.
1) My weight. Why would I make this first? Well, for starters, I'm rather proud of my accomplishment thus far. Since November of last year, I have lost 48 lbs. I've been stagnant for the last couple of weeks, but I'm still working on it. I feel much better physically, mentally, and it will only continue to get better. I'd say I'd keep you updated on my progress with this, but that could get old real quick and I think you'd be happy just hearing me shout out the latest number if it's a significant difference. What is my goal? Well, if I went to my goal weight for my height, I'd have to lose another 88 lbs. Sorry if you're shocked by that number, but it's so true. And yes, I know that my build is not one that works well with my goal weight. I was 5 lbs over that in 8th grade and I looked incredibly frail and bony. But...I need to have a number goal. When I reach the point that I feel I look good, I'll stop regardless of what the number is. I just know right now I'm not ready to stop...not even close.
2) The new relationship. I am sorry if this came as a surprise to some. I wasn't really advertising it broadly for all of my friends until what we had could actually be defined into a term...a label. I don't like labeling and we certainly didn't need to for us. But when it comes time to let your friends know, it's a little difficult to say, "I have no idea what we are but we're something." Uh...right. So, we defined it. Anyway, a little detail... He's older than I am, 41 to be exact. Like me, he has three wonderful children, the oldest being 15, the youngest 8. Unlike me, he has his kids full time. Freaking out yet? Don't. I'm perfectly content with all of that; and we are at the same point in each of our lives, which gives me an oddly comfortable sense of home. However (there's always a however, a but, or something), I am pretty much scared to death. Why, you ask? I'm scared because I'm afraid of screwing it all up. I'm afraid that there's something wrong with me that causes me to hurt people. I truly wish things could be simple enough in a way that allows you to 'go with the flow' without questioning anything. That would be pretty much awesome. Suffice to say, no one's ever happy with my decisions; some wait on tenterhooks for the opportunity to say I told you so. They may very well get their chance, but I don't want it to be because of me. When I can look at our relationship in a way that only encompasses him, myself, and our kids, I am extremely happy. It would be nice if we could all be on the same page with that. I actually started this blog out with a bit of a different tone, and now because of my annoyance with those who term themselves 'friends', I have lost my appetite to blog about this right now.
In conclusion, those are the biggest 'me' updates. With an exception of trying to contain my irritation with those who choose not to be supportive or who can't seem to refrain from playing both sides of the field cruelly, I am happy, content, and feeling good. I hope all of you are too.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Oh, The Controversy
This is a blog that I wrote on myspace on 8/14/09. As it's something I've been discussing lately, I wanted to move it over here. You can't import from myspace at this time, but I'll move the comments over individually if requested. Anyway...
When in doubt, go with what everyone else says. Geez, people. Grow some balls here. I'm getting really irritated with the inundation of individuals who can't seem to think for themselves. Or rather, they can, but they're afraid to let everyone else know what their true feelings are. You know the sayings: 'There's 2 sides to every issue (right or left)' and 'There's 3 sides to every story (his side, her side, and the truth)' That last sentence isn't totally relevant, but this topic made me think of it so I threw it in here. However, something can be said about it in that clearly an issue or a topic should not have the bulk of our population sitting on one side. We need balance. This is why I am a Republican, but yet like the idea of our world's liberals just the same. Why? Because it's like yin and yang. It's necessary to create some sort of level happiness and justice in the world. This holds true for our government, in the workplace, as parents, and in relationships. It's a checks and balance system no matter where you place it. Good for the soul.
Now, back to some controversy. I'm going to list a couple of controversial topics that are either current events, or have just been discussed recently in my group of friends, along with my view on the issue. Please feel free to give your thoughts as well. Though, once I take a firm stand on an issue I don't typically back away from that view, but it wouldn't make sense for me not to hear other intelligent viewpoints.
First up is the obvious news of Michael Vic being taken on by the Philadelphia Eagles. In case you've been hiding under a rock the last couple of years, the issue is this. He served 23 months in prison for running a dog fighting operation. Now, we're all somewhat intelligent people and understand that dog fighting means horrible things happening to poor animals. I'm with everyone on that. But the fact that the man got hired back into the NFL should not be in question right now. Talk about your double standards. Think about it. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. He screwed up. He paid the price, and hopefully learned a very valuable life lesson. Does that mean that he shouldn't be allowed to work ever again? What if we had a felony charge for something stupid we did? We'd never do it again, but should we be punished for life? I just don't think that's right. I did have a discussion last night about other players such as Cleveland Browns' Dante Stallworth. He was recently suspended from the NFL because of his conviction for DUI manslaughter. He is only to serve 30 days in prison, though he will be on house arrest for 2 years. So, some people are saying that's not enough. And why should someone who killed dogs (not even directly) receive a higher penalty than someone who killed a human being? Well, first of all, Stallworth didn't have PETA knocking down his door. Seriously. Do I think that Stallworth should serve a longer sentence? Actually, I do. But that's not where I'm going with this. The issue is whether or not these people should be allowed back in the NFL, not what deals their lawyers get them in the court room. Personally, I don't see an issue with it. To them, it's work. We all feel bad when the general everday person has a problem finding work due to a criminal past regardless of how reformed they are. So, why these people? My thought is the amount of money they make gets to people. Admittedly, that gets to me too when you think about the poverty in America, but if I had the skills to play a game that is publicly known to pay ridiculous sums of money, I would do it. So, I conclude that it's jealousy. Let them work. If you're upset at the team for taking him on, so be it. Be morally pissed at them. But give me a break. Also, this is just more reason why you should root for the better team anyway (Steelers). :)
Next in line is whether or not people who have physical and/or mental issues should be allowed to reproduce. It's possible I'm going to get my head cut off for this one, but here goes. There are exceptions to everything, so it's difficult for me to generalize and place people into a certain category here. But I sincerely believe that individuals who have severe issues should be sterilized. I'm not a medical expert, so I'm not going to list certain problems that should be included in the list of 'not to have kids' people. Though it might make more sense for me to give this scenario. If two people have so many medical/mental issues that they cannot hold down a full time job, must be supported by the government (tax payers), have over the top medical needs that cause them to not completely be able to take care of themselves properly 100% of the time, then what business do they have bringing children into this world? First of all, the risk of the child having similar issues has got to be pretty high. That alone is irresponsible because of the fact that you would knowingly be bringing a child into this world who's quality of life would be jeopardized. Yes, that child could very well turn out fine, but how would they take care of it? And the possibility of other family members maybe being able to step in is not good enough.
Now, some of you may be say, "April. You have three kids. That's a lot. What about your own financial situation? Isn't that similar?" Clearly, I've thought of this. Well, for one, I wasn't in this financial situation until now. I wasn't exactly in the best financial situation when I got pregnant with the twins, but I had the ability to remedy that and I did. Regardless of my financial situation, though, I'm still able to make sure my childrens' needs are met. I may not be able to buy them a new toy every time we go out, but I can live with that. Point is, I do want to have another child someday. However, considering where I am in life right now, it would be incredibly irresponsible. Should I be with someone and my financial situation looks different, then it can be considered. Until then, no. But that's a difference too. I have the ability to be responsible and control whether or not I actually GET pregnant. Can we say that for everyone? Clearly not, if we want to start looking at all the children born into poverty or addicted to drugs, or thrown in dumpsters, or (god help us) chopped up by samarai swords. So, I don't think this is a good comparison.
The point of this second topic, and the last as I've just now decided, is that we should not view having children as a right, but a priveledge. They are precious, most valuable, human beings and they should be brought into the world under the best conditions possible. That doesn't mean they all have to be born into the higher tax bracket, but their fragile lives are in our hands; they are so dependant upon us. We have to be sure that we can care for them not as best as we can, but as best as they deserve.
When in doubt, go with what everyone else says. Geez, people. Grow some balls here. I'm getting really irritated with the inundation of individuals who can't seem to think for themselves. Or rather, they can, but they're afraid to let everyone else know what their true feelings are. You know the sayings: 'There's 2 sides to every issue (right or left)' and 'There's 3 sides to every story (his side, her side, and the truth)' That last sentence isn't totally relevant, but this topic made me think of it so I threw it in here. However, something can be said about it in that clearly an issue or a topic should not have the bulk of our population sitting on one side. We need balance. This is why I am a Republican, but yet like the idea of our world's liberals just the same. Why? Because it's like yin and yang. It's necessary to create some sort of level happiness and justice in the world. This holds true for our government, in the workplace, as parents, and in relationships. It's a checks and balance system no matter where you place it. Good for the soul.
Now, back to some controversy. I'm going to list a couple of controversial topics that are either current events, or have just been discussed recently in my group of friends, along with my view on the issue. Please feel free to give your thoughts as well. Though, once I take a firm stand on an issue I don't typically back away from that view, but it wouldn't make sense for me not to hear other intelligent viewpoints.
First up is the obvious news of Michael Vic being taken on by the Philadelphia Eagles. In case you've been hiding under a rock the last couple of years, the issue is this. He served 23 months in prison for running a dog fighting operation. Now, we're all somewhat intelligent people and understand that dog fighting means horrible things happening to poor animals. I'm with everyone on that. But the fact that the man got hired back into the NFL should not be in question right now. Talk about your double standards. Think about it. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. He screwed up. He paid the price, and hopefully learned a very valuable life lesson. Does that mean that he shouldn't be allowed to work ever again? What if we had a felony charge for something stupid we did? We'd never do it again, but should we be punished for life? I just don't think that's right. I did have a discussion last night about other players such as Cleveland Browns' Dante Stallworth. He was recently suspended from the NFL because of his conviction for DUI manslaughter. He is only to serve 30 days in prison, though he will be on house arrest for 2 years. So, some people are saying that's not enough. And why should someone who killed dogs (not even directly) receive a higher penalty than someone who killed a human being? Well, first of all, Stallworth didn't have PETA knocking down his door. Seriously. Do I think that Stallworth should serve a longer sentence? Actually, I do. But that's not where I'm going with this. The issue is whether or not these people should be allowed back in the NFL, not what deals their lawyers get them in the court room. Personally, I don't see an issue with it. To them, it's work. We all feel bad when the general everday person has a problem finding work due to a criminal past regardless of how reformed they are. So, why these people? My thought is the amount of money they make gets to people. Admittedly, that gets to me too when you think about the poverty in America, but if I had the skills to play a game that is publicly known to pay ridiculous sums of money, I would do it. So, I conclude that it's jealousy. Let them work. If you're upset at the team for taking him on, so be it. Be morally pissed at them. But give me a break. Also, this is just more reason why you should root for the better team anyway (Steelers). :)
Next in line is whether or not people who have physical and/or mental issues should be allowed to reproduce. It's possible I'm going to get my head cut off for this one, but here goes. There are exceptions to everything, so it's difficult for me to generalize and place people into a certain category here. But I sincerely believe that individuals who have severe issues should be sterilized. I'm not a medical expert, so I'm not going to list certain problems that should be included in the list of 'not to have kids' people. Though it might make more sense for me to give this scenario. If two people have so many medical/mental issues that they cannot hold down a full time job, must be supported by the government (tax payers), have over the top medical needs that cause them to not completely be able to take care of themselves properly 100% of the time, then what business do they have bringing children into this world? First of all, the risk of the child having similar issues has got to be pretty high. That alone is irresponsible because of the fact that you would knowingly be bringing a child into this world who's quality of life would be jeopardized. Yes, that child could very well turn out fine, but how would they take care of it? And the possibility of other family members maybe being able to step in is not good enough.
Now, some of you may be say, "April. You have three kids. That's a lot. What about your own financial situation? Isn't that similar?" Clearly, I've thought of this. Well, for one, I wasn't in this financial situation until now. I wasn't exactly in the best financial situation when I got pregnant with the twins, but I had the ability to remedy that and I did. Regardless of my financial situation, though, I'm still able to make sure my childrens' needs are met. I may not be able to buy them a new toy every time we go out, but I can live with that. Point is, I do want to have another child someday. However, considering where I am in life right now, it would be incredibly irresponsible. Should I be with someone and my financial situation looks different, then it can be considered. Until then, no. But that's a difference too. I have the ability to be responsible and control whether or not I actually GET pregnant. Can we say that for everyone? Clearly not, if we want to start looking at all the children born into poverty or addicted to drugs, or thrown in dumpsters, or (god help us) chopped up by samarai swords. So, I don't think this is a good comparison.
The point of this second topic, and the last as I've just now decided, is that we should not view having children as a right, but a priveledge. They are precious, most valuable, human beings and they should be brought into the world under the best conditions possible. That doesn't mean they all have to be born into the higher tax bracket, but their fragile lives are in our hands; they are so dependant upon us. We have to be sure that we can care for them not as best as we can, but as best as they deserve.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Fences Become Walls
Is it wrong to just want to be left alone? Is it wrong to want to, I don't know, avoid drama? Does some sort of human manual exist that I don't have in my arsenal that states drama is a must? I just want to have uncomplicated relationships, friendships, even trysts, whatever. And I'd like each relationship to be between me and that other person only. Just a one on one little world that no one can penetrate. Now, it goes to say that the other person can have as many relationships as they want outside of our world. Likewise, so can I. But the important part is that no one else is involved in ours. Why is this so important? Because everyone has a fucking agenda! Everyone screws it up whether they intend to or not. People are selfish and unrealistic. Do I have to alienate myself to reach a point where I am no longer affected by this? What do I have to do to make it stop? These are the things that push people away. These are the building blocks of walls. These are ridiculous gestures of immaturity. I can't so much handle any of that, nor should I.
It is also important for me to note that I was super happy last night and this morning. Does that somehow signal to others that they must immediately take action to ruin that? Seriously!
It is also important for me to note that I was super happy last night and this morning. Does that somehow signal to others that they must immediately take action to ruin that? Seriously!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
The Office Phantom: De-masked
Oh, don't think I don't know who you are. I've been semi-staking you out for at least a year now and I've enough evidence to have you deported from our floor. What sway do I have, you say? Let's see. I work in I.T. I control what you do and do not have access to, and I can make sure that your story gets posted on the Intranet along with a picture of your guilty mug. If you'd like to save yourself, here's some rules for you to follow. Stick to them, and we can arrange some peacetime in this little fight. Remember, it's my war and while I may not win every battle, I always win the war.
1) I understand that you do not have a bathroom on your floor and, therefore, need to use ours. However, learn to abide by the age-old rule of not doing #2s at work. Not school, not work. Only at home. Just because you eat half a cow between breakfast and lunch each day and that causes you to have regular 1:30 p.m. bowel movements, the rest of us shouldn't have to suffer. Either hold it, or use another bathroom. There are more secretive and less used locations strategically placed on opposite ends of our basement. Get to know them. Emergencies are a different story. But those should be rare occurrences.
2) If you can't find your way to the basement and have to use ours, try to at least go at the end of the day. There is no sense whatsoever in rendering our bathroom useless for a large part of the work day.
3) If you can't be bothered with any of the above, can you please attempt to cover up the stench? Not so much spray that I stagger backwards when I walk in the door from the mixture of your toxins and the spray's. But enough to lightly disguise the smell. Better yet, light a match or something. No one will yell at you for that.
4) No matter what you're doing in our bathroom, use a toilet seat cover. I use one, but that's just not enough. I need you to use one too so I feel safer. No one's behind should be touching the seats. I already use a crap load (no pun intended) of hand sanitizer...not on my bottom, but on my hands...in addition to washing them regularly. I am trying not to share in your grossness. Help me in this process.
5) If you clog one of the toilets, FIX IT!!!!! Do NOT leave half of your excrements in the comode and walk away as though nothing happened. Now that I know it's you, I will personally make you pay for that one.
6) On that note, if you had a clog and everything went kind of down okay, but there's that little piece of tp that refuses to surrender, don't sigh with relief just yet. Please do not leave the bathroom without making sure there still isn't a clog. If that bathroom gets flooded one more time because of this shenanigan, I will be sure to seran wrap the seats next time. Don't think I won't.
That about does it for my own specifications. But if you are at all confused about how to use a shared bathroom, please go to www.bing.com and enter bathroom etiquette. Believe it or not, there are tips online for you morons.
1) I understand that you do not have a bathroom on your floor and, therefore, need to use ours. However, learn to abide by the age-old rule of not doing #2s at work. Not school, not work. Only at home. Just because you eat half a cow between breakfast and lunch each day and that causes you to have regular 1:30 p.m. bowel movements, the rest of us shouldn't have to suffer. Either hold it, or use another bathroom. There are more secretive and less used locations strategically placed on opposite ends of our basement. Get to know them. Emergencies are a different story. But those should be rare occurrences.
2) If you can't find your way to the basement and have to use ours, try to at least go at the end of the day. There is no sense whatsoever in rendering our bathroom useless for a large part of the work day.
3) If you can't be bothered with any of the above, can you please attempt to cover up the stench? Not so much spray that I stagger backwards when I walk in the door from the mixture of your toxins and the spray's. But enough to lightly disguise the smell. Better yet, light a match or something. No one will yell at you for that.
4) No matter what you're doing in our bathroom, use a toilet seat cover. I use one, but that's just not enough. I need you to use one too so I feel safer. No one's behind should be touching the seats. I already use a crap load (no pun intended) of hand sanitizer...not on my bottom, but on my hands...in addition to washing them regularly. I am trying not to share in your grossness. Help me in this process.
5) If you clog one of the toilets, FIX IT!!!!! Do NOT leave half of your excrements in the comode and walk away as though nothing happened. Now that I know it's you, I will personally make you pay for that one.
6) On that note, if you had a clog and everything went kind of down okay, but there's that little piece of tp that refuses to surrender, don't sigh with relief just yet. Please do not leave the bathroom without making sure there still isn't a clog. If that bathroom gets flooded one more time because of this shenanigan, I will be sure to seran wrap the seats next time. Don't think I won't.
That about does it for my own specifications. But if you are at all confused about how to use a shared bathroom, please go to www.bing.com and enter bathroom etiquette. Believe it or not, there are tips online for you morons.
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