These blogs will take no defined shape. They will match my life - scattered. It may be journalistic, confessional, instructional, and possibly many other things to many other people.
I usually don't make any or if I do, it's maybe only one. But this year, I have many things I want to accomplish. So, some of these are more goals than resolutions, though all important. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Reach my goal weight
2. Finish up the divorce (oh, and for those of you that aren't aware, this is a public blog that everyone can see and have access to. so no need to tattle about the obvious things that you see here...dumbasses...p.s. everything gets back to me eventually)
3. Go white water rafting (and be good at it)
4. Visit places I've never been
5. Be happy by myself
6. Write more articles for our trade magazine
7. Be more politically involved
8. Spend more quality time with my kids (note: there is a difference between 'quality' and 'quantity')
9. Get a 2nd job (because I have too much time on my hands when I don't have the kids)
10. Remember to tell all the people that I truly care about that I love them on a regular basis...just in case 11. Be nicer to my friends
11. Be nicer to my cat
12. Take some risks (though there are boundaries here)
13. Work on getting a DBA certification
14. Become less attached to my phone (this might be pushing it)
15. Improve my sleeping habits
I might add more to this list later, but this is about it for now. I think these things are not going to be that difficult to follow through on and I'm looking forward to at least making the effort towards accomplishing them. We'll see how it goes.
This year is almost over and I'm hating it. I try to be so f'ing positive for everyone else but give me a minute to be a complete and utter bitch here. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of being sick...the last couple of days I haven't been able to keep anything down and just the thought of food is making me ill. I have a headache that won't go away and the f'ing Aleve is missing. I don't want to talk to anyone, stay at home, or basically do anything but sleep. The problem is that I'm too restless to sleep so I'm awake just feeling like shit and I'm bored as hell during the whole time. Alcohol doesn't help. It temporarily helps me feel numb, and then I'm right back where I started. So, that's gotta stop. Going to the gym helps, but it's a temporary fix too. That one's not going to stop though because I need it for other reasons, but whatever. I think what really sucks is that there are a couple of people that are always there for me and I can't even bring myself to talk to them enough right now. And I'm angry because there are others who said they would be here, but they're not. I have gotten over trust issues a million times by taking the risk again and again, but I can't do it anymore. It's not fair that I believe what people say when their words turn out to be meaningless. I really want to be so far away right now but I'm utterly trapped. Or at least that's how I feel and I don't see a way around it. I have about a million other things to say but it doesn't help to write them here anyway. I would really just like to yell and scream for a few minutes, but that's not possible. So, on that note, I'm done with the bitch session...moving on. Thanks for listening.
Just some random points of interest on this fine, snow covered, cold as fuck, boring day...
1) Bands that I've been listening to recently and really getting into are only touring in Europe right now. Why is that?
2) I need to go on a road trip really, really, really bad. I don't care if someone else comes with me, but I have to go regardless. Here's some destinations I'm thinking of:
- La Casa Narcisi Winery in Pittsburgh
- Boston, MA
- Annapolis, MD
- Martha's Vinyard, MA
- New Orleans, LA
- Washington, DC (but I refuse to drive there this time...remember my
car getting towed???)
- Savannah, GA
- Charleston, SC
- Virginia Beach, VA
- Ohiopyle, PA (rest assured I, & whoever comes along, will be at Class V rapids by the end of the trip...or dead)
Cucumber Falls at Ohiopyle. Awesome place to be...
The rapids that we're going to try not to kill ourselves on :)
I'm sure I'll throw in some other impromptu destinations to visit family and friends along the way, but those are some of the places I want to hit up before next winter. Summer is the best time for road trips, in my opinion, but I'll go whenever just to go. If you've heard of or visited anywhere else you think I should add to my list, let me know. I'm always open for suggestions.
3) The scent of Patchouli makes me gag a little. I was just hugged by someone who I think bathes in it and I can't get the scent off of me until I get home. Ew...I just gagged again.
4) There should be memberships to movie theaters like there are memberships to gyms.
5) People should not be allowed to enter the server room without saying something to the IT department. What's the point of heightened security if you let service workers have access to traipse in and out for no reason? ...Jackasses
- Nevermind on this one. I checked it out and had a little conversation with the guy. He can come any time he wants... ;)
6) Drinking has become one of my favorite things to do. I do and do not like this all at the same time. Like I look forward to a glass of wine or two at home. I get disappointed when the rum is gone. And I can't stop thinking about the fact that my aunt is always stocked with Jim Beam at her place and that might just make my holiday a little sweeter.
7) You either have completely open communication or you don't. There's no in between unless you like confusing people. Please don't confuse me.
8) Lysol makes me gag too, but spraying it has made the environment a little less Patchouli like. Holy mother of god, that stuff lingers.
9) Shit, I have to clean my house for company tonight now...
10) For Christmas, I would like a little bit of my sanity back, a little bit of respect, and maybe...just maybe...a little bit of consideration. I know that's a lot to ask, but I'll hold out for it anyway.
Taking stock of the last 12 months or so gives you a great look at how far you might have come (forwards or backwards) in life. I look at every step I’ve taken as forward motion, all positive because I’ve learned something from every experience. Here’s my timeline.
November ‘08
-I finally had the nerve to announce to the person I’d been with for the last decade that I couldn’t be in the relationship one moment longer…it had to end
-Reconnected with a couple of old friends that helped me tremendously over the next several months, acting as my “constant” that I could depend on when I needed to talk
December ’08 – January ‘09
-Changed my last name back to my maiden name (regaining a sense of identity)
-Eeked through the Christmas and New Year’s, pretending to be a family with no problems until I found a place to move to
-Won the annual EJEIWAPPTBIDPPP (Emily J. Eckert, I wanted a ping pong table but I don’t play ping pong) tournament for the first time in 10 years, winning myself a spot on the infamous trophy
February ‘09
-Started living as a single person, at least in actions (went to my first ever show by myself to see Red Room, learned to enjoy going to the movies alone, spent a lot more time with friends)
-Spent the first ever Valentine’s day without a guy! Kristen & I went for Chinese and then to see The Vagina Monologues at Shipp
-Found Lennox (my cat) in the parking lot of Applebee’s after dinner with Josh
March ‘09
-Realized I was going to go crazy if I didn’t move out of the house fast (cohabitating was absolutely unbearable for a variety of reasons)
-Was extremely close (within a week) from moving in with a friend who graciously offered me his place so I didn’t kill anyone
-Decided that this might not be best for the kids and that house hunting had to be put on hold while I looked for an apartment instead
-Went to see Hoobastank
-Went to see New Kids on the Block (that's right)
April ‘09
-Moved into my 2nd ever apartment on my own
-Spent as much quality time as I could by myself and with friends
-Went to see Cold
May – June ‘09
-Spent a lot of time exploring Gettysburg by myself, taking pictures, and spending time at the pool
-Had some bad days among the good as I was adjusting to being ‘alone’ or ‘single’, however you want to express not having someone by your side every day
-Went to see The Used by myself (crazy show that Hierosonic opened for and I left with bruises)
-Wrote a lot of diary like blogs to help get some things off my mind…it didn’t work
July ‘09
-Road trips to Indiana, West Virginia, Pittsburgh, D.C.
-Football camp started
-Went tubing for the first time (biggest adventure…EVER!, & beyond hilarious)
-Got to witness my god-daughter being born
August – October ‘09
-Football camp
-Started a new relationship
-Ended the new relationship
-Went to see Hierosonic
-Put on my first Benefit Show for Financial Literacy
-Reconnected with more old friends, whose company and general friendship means a great deal to me
November ‘09
-Moved to a much more suitable place that actually feels like home
-Used the year’s experiences and time with my thoughts to regain a sense of who I am and what I want in life
-Realized truth in friendships that I spent way too much time on considering they were false
-Spent my first ever Thanksgiving with Kristen and her family (which was awesome) and got over being upset about not being the one to cook dinner
-Figured out that having fun and taking things in stride, even though I’m a planner type that looks to the future, is sometimes a very good thing and can be truly beneficial
December ‘09
-Realized part of one of my goals, being only ½ a pound away from losing 60 lbs since last November (not too shabby, I think)
-Currently dealing with good & bad days during the “holiday season” as it’s my first being ‘alone’ and it not going so well (can’t wait till it’s over)
-Went to see Skitzo Calypso
-Another great road trip
-Received a request to apply for a job in New Jersey (more to come on this later)
And that’s about it for the moment. I think it shows progress, really. I’m still going to have good days and bad days and things will continue to happen along the way. But I don’t feel that where I’m at now is at all negative and I only see myself in a more positive light in the future. And as the new year approaches, I, like every other American, am going to make some resolves to ensure that my future remains true to my plan (or as close to it as it can possibly get).
