I'm feeling very cynical at the moment. I had written a blog earlier, or rather started it. But I abandoned it the moment my mood changed. My other blog was going to be focused around dealing with anger. This blog is going to be focused around acceptance. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but I've become somewhat of an expert on this topic. I make the best of my acceptance too. I consider that quite a commendable quality. And while you might be thinking, "Shit. Why is she insisting on writing this bullshit for us to have to warble through and make sense of what the fuck she's trying to talk about?" Think of it this way. It's 12:28. I could be nicely tucked in bed (typically, and especially when I'm by myself, I am meticulous about the folds and tucks of my sheets) and reading a very good book. I will still do this later, but as of this moment, I'm choosing to divulge my thoughts in such an unselfish manner.
Anyway, I just logged onto Myspace for the first time in awhile. Wow. First of all, I miss it. It allows you some customization that you can't have on facebook. But um, the apps that some of us have been using... First, the truth box. Um, I know who you are you absurdly obvious friends of mine. But it's okay...I like what you tell me. Also, this owning your friends thing...have you people been paying attention? What is with people you don't know being able to own you? Because right now I'm owned by some 50 year old weirdo in Canada. Someone fucking fix this!!! Regardless, I'm planning on updating my playlist tonight to entertain those of you who still find Myspace worthy. I feel the need so desperately for a concert or three. But I digress...
I figured I'd rifle through some old shit and post some of the more "special" pieces that might be okay for those in my fb world to read and perhaps enjoy. Why keep them all for my myspace peeps, right? So, I'll be posting those momentarily. I'm feeling some incredible things right now, emotions, physical pleasure...it's pretty damn good, but poetry has left me (probably because I'm not a poet). I would love to explain what I'm feeling and allow someone who has a better gift of words than I to translate it all onto paper. I might do that if someone is willing to interpret it all into something that makes sense. Until then, I'll just post some of the old stuff that will be new to some. But I have to note that I think the quality of my blogs on myspace were much higher. Why? I think it's because my profile was private. I knew who was reading and I wrote to those people. Now, I'm bordering on the feeling of being inhibited and not giving a flying fuck. Really, there's a fine line and I just need to use my conviction to cross it completely.
Oh! This whole acceptance thing. I don't think I really wound this all up in the concept of acceptance. However...acceptance still remains the key word in this reality. And as I write this, I lost the hairband that I swore was in my hair 2 minutes ago. But all of this is quite alright. I think we all have proof of how accepting I can be. I accept because I like to be happy. I make my own happiness and rely on no one. (if you choose to disagree with this, I'll kick you in the eye because you clearly aren't paying attention) But...I like the happiness I find in other people. I accept because I'm sick of fighting. I like fighting, but I'm sick of the type of fighting that reverses happiness. It's not so much giving in as much as it is simply going with the flow. It actually feels pretty fucking good. So, that...in essence...is a characature of my point. (btw, if i mispell things, it's not completely my fault. it's late and spellcheck in blogger is not working). Yet, I have to point out that I don't concede. Though you will most likely disagree with me, I feel there's a difference between conceding and acceptance. Conceding means you agree simply to agree. Acceptance means you understand what you cannot change and/or you deal with the reality of a situation in a way that still brings you something like happiness considering that it may not be the outcome that you'd rather have. So...I accept.
And now...I'll post some of the old for you to peruse...
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