Are You Afraid to Fail?

My thoughts today come from somewhere deep within the bowls of youth sports. Maybe it's more of an admission, one that when made public gives the motivation to improve on the issue or never to make the same mistake again. The best I can say is that this flag football season, in particular, has been a huge learning experience for me. I'll expand on that in a minute.

I quoted Malcolm X today when talking to my youth flag football team. Correction, I quoted Malcolm X when talking to the parents of these kids. Whether words of wisdom, praise for these kids, or anything else I write gets forwarded to these kids, I have no idea. But I digress...

..."Children have a lesson adults should learn, to not be ashamed of failing, but to get up and try again. Most of us adults are so afraid, so cautious, so 'safe', and therefore so shrinking and rigid and afraid that it is why so many humans fail. Most middle-aged adults have resigned themselves to failure."

I see a great deal of truth in that statement. When it's 'about the kids', it's not about the organization or the team being perfect. It's not about money, power, or control (which children have no say in, only adults). It's about children learning, children taking away some sort of positive, and it most certainly is about children having fun. After all, they're children. While they're out there getting exercise and having a good time, they're also learning a variety of skills. Some of those skills are specific to the sport so that they can improve upon the game, become better athletes, and ultimately win. They are also learning life skills that I think parents as well as coaches often interfere with without even knowing it. They should be learning to use their individual abilities to contribute to their team's overall success. They should be learning how to interact in a team setting to accomplish a common goal. They should be learning time management, adherence to commitments and obligations, and general moral conduct.

I digress again. I feel as though adults (not just ones that are a part of my team) let their own egos, their own fear of failure, and their own need for safe and conservative results get in the way of letting children progress. So, when we come across people as adults that act this way, does it not make you wonder if they had the proper foundations as a child? I don't mean proper parenting, though that plays the largest role. I mean a coach, a teacher, another family member or friend, who could lead these children by example. I've questioned that so much this season, and I've become very disappointed in what I know some of these children are NOT learning as a result. Shame on you if you've been a part of this.

Back to the admission part. Last year was our first year participating in flag football. I had to gain my footing in putting this together, called upon everyone I could think of to answer questions and help get the ball rolling. Some were on board immediately. Some refused to talk to me because their egos were too big to fit into my ideals, while others at least called and talked me through getting to the resources I needed. Moral support was appreciated along the way too.

This year, I expected to make this operation bigger and better. It should have been. It was the 2nd year, I had a good idea of what I was doing and what the process was. I had ample time to recruit and nail down my team and coaches before the season began. So, what happened? It's a two part thing: 1) I had too much going on personally with my business, work, and general life to accomplish what I needed to. 2) I didn't accept the fact that I can't do it all alone. I was offered help and, not that I refused it, but I didn't take advantage of it. I have a horrible habit of thinking I can do everything myself. I GOT THIS!!! Apparently, I didn't. So, some of the hardships that we faced, like not always having enough kids to put on the field or allow our kids to have a break during games, was indirectly my fault. Some of these hardships were experienced by other teams as well. But, in contrast, they could have the equivalent of my whole team (9 players) be missing on game day and still have twice that available to put on the field.

Despite that, the kids that played this season, just like last, didn't complain. They put a great deal of passion into what they were doing, played hard and did their jobs. I couldn't be more proud of how they handled themselves and their teammates. This is one of the few times that you'll catch me saying that EVERY kid deserves a reward for their contributions. I can't possibly give them enough praise.

Will we continue next year? Yes, we definitely will in some way, shape, or form. One thing I know for certain is that there is a need and a want for these kids to play flag football in the spring. We'll make it happen. I've already gathered a couple of resources that will make this possible and push us where we need to be next year. I will accept any help that is genuinely offered and beneficial.

Stop Trying to Beat Your Opponent

Not a single one of us can claim to be more wise, more holy, or simply better than any other. We can't preach perfection, but we CAN talk about it to help teach others. Sometimes, people only see our words on social media, not our actions, nor really hear our voices.

That said, it only makes sense to choose what we say and put in writing very carefully. Our words have more impact than some of us would care to believe, both negative and positive. We also have to remember who our audience is. It's never just those who we feel are against us or who we subliminally target. Often, we end up alienating those we never considered. More importantly, most of us are watched closely by young, impressionable minds. Sure, we want to teach them realism. We need them to understand that life isn't always peachy. In doing so, however, we have to make sure that we emphasize positive, mature solutions. 

It's not just about our friends, though. When something goes out as a "shot" towards the enemy, are we sure the message we're getting across is the one we intended? More likely, the point is overlooked and the words are taken as fuel to increase the fire and nothing more. We are not teaching our adversaries anything. We are not shaming them into,  or convincing them to, alter their behavior. We're telling them that it is OKAY to act out and we'll just return the favor. Who's winning?

Being competitive in everything I do, I remember getting frustrated to the point of anger every time I lost a ping pong match in our annual family tournaments. So, my ex-husband, the reigning champion at the time, gave me some great advice that I've used time and time again in life. "Stop trying to beat your opponent. Just play the game well and let your opponent beat themselves." That year, I won the tournament and got my name on the trophy. 

At the end of the day (gotta throw a buzzword in there), here's MY point. Your words may not ever improve a situation. Let the opposition bury themselves. More often than not they don't need your help and you don't want to look just as bad as they do. Simply think before you speak. Better yet, don't speak at all. If you want, express your words to yourself or your immediate peers, but don't let that get out of hand to the point that you're gossiping or snitching. And for the love of God, keep them out of the public eye. Once you set them free, you can't get them back. Onlookers will have a hard time differentiating the good guy from the bad guy. 

P. S. ...

"Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches."

That is all.

 

Well, Really...

I wanted to iterate the fact that I did not give up on my weekly meal plan, though my blogging on the topic was cut short. I simply got tired of writing it down twice. The rest of the week was very similar to the other days that I did write about. Nothing necessarily different.

Next...

My stress levels have skyrocketed to a nasty nasty point. Foolish people are getting on my nerves more than ever, and all of this is starting to take a physical toll. I'm pretty much ready to shut down. But! The kids really wanted to decorate and plan for our upcoming Halloween party, so I have that to look forward to. We all need something.

I don't go out anymore, but I seem to never be at home to concentrate on what I need to there, but I suppose that's what being a mom of active children is all about. It will all fall into place. I have to have priorities though. Mainly, vehicle has to come first. If anyone has some good ideas, please share them. I'm all ears. And I don't mean, Hey! Let me throw out some information to you and then drop off the face of the planet. That doesn't help anyone, especially you. Regardless, I am going solo this weekend to look at something that might work out in my favor. If it doesn't, do not tell me all of things you would have done differently or think it's wise to tell me I made a bad decision. Why? Well, really. Here's the deal. I am a single female who is proud of knowing a lot of things. If I wanted to add mechanics to my repertoire, I would. But gee wiz, I can't be a no-it-all. So I'm pretty much winging it because I have a deadline that my truck is personally giving me. It's called, do it now, or spend the winter stranded somewhere in Harrisburg. So, like I said. This weekend, I may have something in the works. Wish me luck, and we shall see.

Meal Plan - Day 5

Breakfast:
Yogurt
Rice Krispies
Herbal tea
Total - 106 calories/.1g fat/21g carbs/0g fiber/5.5g protein/135mg sodium

Snack:
1 cup dry Krave cereal
Coffee
Creamer
Total - 197 calories/5g fat/37g carbs/4g fiber/3g protein/132 mg sodium

Lunch:
2 slices light oatmeal bread
2 Tbsp Jif peanut butter
Total - 280 calories/16g fat/25g carbs/4g fiber/12g protein/220mg sodium

Snack:
2 Hershey's miniatures
Total - 84 calories/5g fat/10g carbs/1g fiber/1g protein/22mg sodium

Dinner:
Sweet potato
1 can tuna
Total - 250 calories/1.2g fat/24g carbs/4g fiber/28g protein/481mg sodium

Snack:
1 cups pineapple chunks
Total - 82 calories/.2g fat/22g carbs/2g fiber/1g protein/2mg sodium

Daily Totals:
1,009 calories/27.5g fat/139g carbs/15g fiber/50.5g protein/992mg sodium

Meal Plan - Day 4

A little behind on posting, but here is my day 4 (Tuesday).

Breakfast:
Oatmeal
Herbal Tea
Total - 130 calories/2g fat/26g carbs/2g fiber/3g protein/150mg sodium

Snack:
1 cup dry Krave cereal
Total - 160 calories/5g fat/31g carbs/4g fiber/3g protein/127mg sodium

Lunch:
Thai Tomato Coconut soup
Total - 200 calories/9g fat/28g carbs/3g fiber/2g protein/660mg sodium

Snack:
Almonds
Total - 100 calories/9g fat/4g carbs/2g fiber/4g protein/0mg sodium

Dinner:
Chicken Breast
2 cups green beans
Total - 164 calories/4g fat/6g carbs/2g fiber/22g protein/767mg sodium

Snack:
Pretzels
Light string cheese
Total - 160 calories/2.5g fat/26g carbs/0g fiber/9g protein/400mg sodium

Daily Totals:
914 calories/31.5g fat/121g carbs/13g fiber/43g protein/2,104mg sodium

Meal Plan - Day 3

Alrighty then...

Breakfast:
Hard boiled egg
Toasted coconut vanilla yogurt
1 slice oatmeal toast
Herbal tea
Totals - 195 calories/4g fat/25g carbs/1g fiber/13g protein/225mg sodium

Snack:
Coffee
Creamer
2 Hershey's minis
Totals - 121 calories/5g fat/16g carbs/1g fiber/1g protein/27mg sodium

Lunch:
Hard boiled egg
1 can tuna
Light mayo
Totals: 205 calories/6g fat/3g carbs/0g fiber/32g protein/635mg sodium

Snack:
White miso soup
Totals - 45 calories/1.5g fat/5g carbs/1g fiber/3g protein/910mg sodium

Dinner:
Thai tomato coconut soup
Reduced fat wheat thins
Totals - 230 calories/12.5g fat/50g carbs/5g fiber/4g protein/890mg sodium

Snack:
Banana
Totals - 105 calories/.4g fat/27g carbs/3g fiber/1g protein/1mg sodium

Daily Totals:
901 calories/29.4g fat/126g carbs/11g fiber/54g protein/2,688 sodium

Meal Plan - Day 2

I'll write my food plan for today, but I have to say that even though I'm writing this stuff down at home I'm already getting bored with it here. Even so, this serves a purpose. Note that I made a substitution for lunch & afternoon snack because of football. For lunch, I had homemade Stromboli made with whole grain crust, fat free mozzarella cheese, 97% fat free ham, pepperoni, pineapple, green pepper, white onion. Not too shabby. My snack substitute was not so healthy since I felt obliged to try one of my awesome cookies. On a positive note, the boys loved them too after a rough game & I shared my stromboli with the rest of the defectors. :)

Breakfast:
1 cup Krave cereal
1/2 cup skim milk
Herbal tea
Totals - 200 calories/5g fat/43g carbs/4g fiber/11g protein/257mg sodium

Snack:
Hard boiled egg
Totals - 70 calories/4g fat/1g carbs/0g fiber/6g protein/65mg sodium

Lunch:
Thai Tomato Coconut soup
Totals - 200 calories/9g fat/28g carbs/3g fiber/2g protein/660mg sodium

Snack:
Banana
Totals - 105 calories/.4g fat/27g carbs/3g fiber/1g protein/1g sodium

Dinner:
Salad mix
Chicken breast
Light Italian dressing
Totals - 169 calories/5.5g fat/6g carbs/2g fiber/23g protein/637mg sodium

Snack:
Almonds
Totals - 100 calories/9g fat/4g carbs/2g fiber/4g protein/0mg sodium

Daily totals:
844 calories/32.9g fat/109 carbs/12g fiber/47g protein/1,620mg sodium

Meal Plan - Day 1:

These are approximate totals. For my current height, body weight, goals, etc. I'm allowed to have a maximum of approx. 1100 calories a day. With this exercise, I'm writing everything down but paying close attention to calories and protein as I've done in the past. In addition, add drinking as much water as possible. I word it that way because sometimes it's hard for me to get I the correct amount in a day. I'm lucky of I can simply because I go through phases when I just don't want it.

Breakfast:
1 hard boiled egg
1 package yogurt
1 slice light oatmeal toast
Herbal tea
Totals - 195 calories/4g fat/25 carbs/1g fiber/13g protein/225mg sodium

Snack:
Coconut water
Totals - 60 calories/0g fat/15g carbs/0g fiber/0g protein/40mg sodium

Lunch:
2 cups salad mix
1 can tuna
1 tbsp rice vinegar
Totals - 155 calories/1g fat/8g carbs/2g fiber/27g protein/810mg sodium

Snack:
White miso soup
Totals - 45 calories/1.5g fat/5g carbs/1g fiber/3g protein/910mg sodium

Dinner:
Tilapia
While grain brown rice
2 cups green beans
Totals - 340 calories/5g fat/45g carbs/5g fiber/30g protein/620mg sodium

Snack:
Light string cheese
Totals - 50 calories/2.5g fat/1g carbs/0g fiber/6g protein/150mg sodium

Daily Totals:
845 calories/14g fat/99g carbs/9g fiber/79g protein/2,755mg sodium

The Journey of My Body - Day 1:

Well, it's more like day 1,000,000 but there is always another day 1 when you're trying to get back on track.  For the last 4 years (approximately), I gave up dieting and started losing weight.  What I mean by this is taking the mean approach to simply eating right and exercising.  To date, I have lost 115 lbs.  Sounds smooth sailing, right?  Ha!  Not a chance.  I have backtracked, though not to an extent above 10 lbs at any given time, slipped, fallen, gotten frustrated, tried some crazy whacked out fads to quickly get back on track, you name it.  But I kept at it.  No matter what, I have come to realize that I'm not perfect.  I will screw this up from time to time; but, all in all I have lost the weight I wanted to lose, reached a point I never thought I'd be at again, and regained a great amount of confidence.  I'm happy, though I want to make sure that I continue to feel good with what I'm doing.

Which brings us to today... My lowest weight since I had gotten "back on track" the last time was 162.  This was my weight a mere 2 weeks ago.  Today, I weigh in at 168.  But I feel like I'm back in the high 170s.  My clothes are tight and I'm seeing the pudge on my sides and in front of me getting bigger and making itself more and more visible. To alleviate my pain, I plan on digging out my last weight lifting routine, finding a way to get in 5 days of cardio, 2 days of glutes, 2 days of abs. I also need to readjust my eating plans & do what I know I need to be doing. Most importantly, I have to stick to it. Last year at this time, I started packing on a couple spare lbs. I absolutely refuse to do that this year!

So stick with me as I embark on what is probably my millionth journey on getting and staying in shape. I'll be posting progress, thoughts & feelings, tips & tricks with nutrition & exercise.

Stay tuned!

Politics 101

I'm really more of a Constitutionalist than a Republican, but I'm registered as the latter so that I can vote in the primaries.  If you asked me to lay the country's issues on a table, my vote for likeminded viewpoints would pull me toward the right side of that table, the conservative side.  I would say that is true for me in most areas, but maybe not so much socially.  Why, you ask?  Well, I have no problem with homosexuals, those who want to legalize marijuana, don't conduct their lives and form opinions out of a single church, etc.  What I do have a problem with is our country's attempt to condone a form of communism...socialism.  Yes, I compared it to the big C.  I do not apologize that I don't like the idea of our government being the "Robin Hood" of America.  I think I should keep everything I work for.  I think I shouldn't have to give others privileges that I don't have myself.  I don't like the federal government telling me what to do, what I can't do.  I want to be truly "free", but with local control to help regulate.  We all know there are individuals around us who just aren't sensible.  These include murderers, rapists, robbers, etc.  We need to have a local force to help regulate, yes.  But we need to have the right to defend ourselves as well.  I do not appreciate dirty liberal hippies (haha, yes) taking from me what they do not earn themselves.  Stop fighting for the "rights" that make no sense.  Stop fighting for money that you didn't earn.  Stop putting the environment above your neighbor and children that are in the here and now.  Stop fighting to stop those who are defending your pansy asses!!!

Now, I remember being younger and having some viewpoints that were way more leaning towards the left.  But I grew up.  I believe it was Winston Churchill who said something like, "If you're not a liberal at 20, you're heartless.  If you're not a conservative at 40, you have no brain."  This speaks to me greatly.  As we become adults and gain more responsibility, we start appreciating what it means to fend for ourselves, not to expect others to provide for us.  Our worlds completely change and really...we become a little irritated with those who take what we work hard for.  People have this huge misconception that the government pulls money from some tree in the back yard of the white house.  Do you know how many people try to argue with me and say, "But you aren't paying for me, the government is" "?!  Are you kidding me????  Where on earth do you think the government gets this money?  Hello, TAXES! 

Likewise, people pay too much attention to the media.  Somehow, they have this conviluted idea that every single time our armed forces go to work, they are wasting our money.  I'm not saying judgment passed isn't at very few times correct; however, where exactly do you think we'd be if these brave men and women weren't around to protect us?  There is so much that the media doesn't spell out because they simply are not aware (thank God, or we'd be in even bigger trouble), so the uninformed American believes only what they hear.  Be thankful that so much is going on behind the scenes to protect you. 

On to the real topic... Stop blaming a party for a couple of "off their rocker" retards that put themselves in the limelight.  Democrats vs Republicans is getting really old.  Choose the person that most represents your viewpoints and shut up.  Or, if you get really desperate and don't know who's name to pull out of the hat, vote for me.  But I don't see how you can call yourselves "for the people" Americans when you feel so comfortable prejudging an entire party instead of realizing it's certain individuals that you have a problem with. 

P.S.  If you find me hypocritical at all with this post...I am.  But I'm also right.  The end.

Being Human

"There's no greater feeling than sprawling naked across the bed with the one you love." ~ Being Human

There's no greater feeling, indeed. Hands and hips, thighs and lips. No better way to feel human, be real..be in touch with yourself and the one you can't live without. But that is the reactionary half-sleep that comes as a result of the ultimate passionate sedative. It's the kind of thing that gives you a heightened sense of awareness for your own body as well as theirs without moving an inch. Scent, touch, sight... Hearts beating and pulsating life, a steady flow of bloody emotion; stomachs rising and falling, moving the two sweetest mounds of flesh one at a time as they take turns owning the space you share; hot skin under cool fingertips bringing comfort over every inch. And then the most seductive observation: eyes that see so deep inside of you, past all else, to know your wants and needs before even you do. These are the eyes that reign in your love, forcing you to focus on something far greater than your dreams have ever moved within you.

In between moments like these, as days separate you from this connection, the cracking and splintering is actually painful. You realize that this other living organism, this flawed individual is everything you need and want, but not quite until the experience of near loss of that soul affects your very core. Out of the corner of your mind's eye, you see the slender fingers that held your hand so tightly while you made love, softly while you walked through a parking lot in Jersey, sat on your knee while you talked incessantly. You see and feel the lips that you never want to go without, on your own lips, the corner of your mouth, your neck, your breasts, belly, legs... Could anyone ever let that slip away? Dizzy, dizzy head. Dizzy, dizzy love.

I'm really just sitting here dizzy while my heart, my mind, and my libido take a train ride through the scar tissue of this thing I'm calling love.

"Last Kiss" ...

...by Seven Mary Three, the band of my teenage years.  Heartbreak, hospitals, moving boxes, and family.  That's what I remember most about the end of that era.  The next decade (and a couple more years) flew by way too fast, but maybe for good reason.  Yet as quick as that time left me in the dust, I've been left with many gifts from those days.

Right now, having moved on quite a bit, I sit here with a half clean house (I'm telling you, this is progress) and a heart full of love and a mind full of chaos.  And, of course, I'm listening to Seven Mary Three.  I know I had a discussion earlier this week with my loving mama that I didn't really want to have.  Something triggered my emotional gag reflex and I spewed forth thoughts I've kept from her for a long time.  I told her things that I've been telling my sister for quite some time, but she's different.  Though she is certainly protective, I consider my sister rather objective.  She listens to the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I feel she judges pretty fairly.  If I'm being taken advantage of, she doesn't hesitate to force that to my attention.  At the same time, she doesn't have a problem telling me when I'm being a complete ass and overreacting.  Most importantly, when I need consoling, she's there to deal it out.  My mama...for too long, she's played the role of mama and dad, meaning while she tries to listen and give me relationship advice, she also can be a hard-hearted protector.  I'm afraid if I tell her something negative (and I try to tell all, not just the bad), she'll hold that grudge forever and treat the person I'm with unfairly.  Don't get me wrong, as a mother I understand this completely.  But the other night, I guess it had been building up too long and I let loose.  So much, in fact, I don't even remember half of what I told her.  It was something I needed, though.

I've been here before, but I've come to some conclusions about my current position and why I treat my relationship the way that I do.  I have found myself being suspicious but not being able to justify those suspicions with actions or words.  I have doubted when I should believe.  And, I have grossly underestimated the power and, at the same time, the comfort this love is giving me.  Why?  None of us are perfect, but I think it is quite possibly my fault.  If you don't agree because of a certain incident, please don't comment here.  We'll talk, if you want.  But I've decided I want to give my heart a chance and let the wall down a bit.  I'm in love.  I have to accept that this person is not the men of my past.  I cannot hold him accountable for what others have done.  I can't assume that I always make the wrong decisions with relationships and that I should live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I think that's unfair...for both of us, really.  I love and appreciate what I have.  So, I'm going to concentrate on that; concentrate on him and my family (and my friends that are family).  I want to keep things positive, and I truly believe this is the direction I need to go right now.  It's very important to me.

In conclusion, I didn't want to put a single word of that in writing.  But if I say it, it's real.  The End...

Money? Who needs money???

"Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect all the things we do have?" ~ Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City) While I'm not a fabulous single woman living in Manhattan, I do tend to do this all the time. It's like I'm subconsciously trying to avoid happiness. Stressing over...well, just about anything is a good way to enable this.

Currently, I'm stressing over money. I'm extremely talented at making stupid decisions when it comes to spending it. And, as with all avenues of my life, I don't listen to anyone who tries to stop me. That's all about to change. I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes right now and saying, "Yeah right. I'll believe it when I see it." Touche. You're probably right in your predictions of how things will go. However, I'm going to make an honest effort. This time around, I have some backup and support (not that I didn't have it before, but this is new) that I think I can make myself pay attention to. Nonetheless, I'm working on a serious budget, paying off my student loans, not going out to eat, not going to a lot of shows (or out in general), and not spending needlessly on things I feel somehow I deserve simply because I'm fabulous in Shiremanstown. The cool thing is, I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping. Maybe one or two little things for people yet, but pretty much done. I actually look forward to wrapping them all this weekend.

What else am I going to tackle this weekend? Well, seeing as how not much "out of the house" type of action will be going on, I'm planning an attempt to clean my kids' room. There is so much junk in there, you can't see the floor and can't fully open their door. I'm a little scared, and I may need to call in backup. But I figure with some good music, a drink or two, and maybe some chit chat along the way and I'll be good. I doubt I'll get it all done, but I want to at least be able to get in there and put clothes away or change their bed sheets for them (note: they've had to do this themselves and it's not been pretty). If you all don't hear from me for awhile, you may want to come check on me. This WILL get ugly.

On that note, I look forward to some peace this weekend, getting my haircut (don't panic), and spending some time at home. Let's see how this goes.

Relation...whahhh???

Realizations can be like pin pricks to your tush, but they can be most beneficial.  For example, I realized the other night, as I was yet again delirious with fever, that the last 2 years of my life can be summed up in several episodes of Sex and the City (1 1/2 years can be thrown out of the equation). Instead of running down the street screaming in fear, I decided to embrace the fact and run WITH it. My life is my life and I love learning from it...just never at the moment that it's happening. Like in matters of love, I have seen good and bad and irrational when it comes to relationships/dating/singledom. I've fallen for men maybe only twice, but I've wanted to fall many times over. What I really wonder is how many have ever fallen for me? Though, I'll be honest when I say that while I wonder, I'll lose interest in about an hour. The past is the past and it bears no weight on my life at present. Just the cat being curious.

But what makes a good relationship? Many say this is relative; it's different for everyone. For me, I can probably, but not completely, sum it up with a few key components:

• Exclusivity - Sure, I've had my casual relationships; but, when someone makes it clear that the casualness is preferred, then it's also clear that the relationship won't grow beyond that.( "We're not the exception; we're the rule." ~ He's Just Not That Into You) Don't get me wrong. That doesn't make that type of relationship bad or negative. If that's what you're good with at the moment, then it may be ideal for you. There have been times for me when this was the case. I'm just at a point where I'm ready to move past that. I can't talk future unless I know you're capable of devoting your attention to just one woman. No one wants to waste anyone's time when you consider that we don't really have much of it.
• Communication - I don't want anyone up my ass and I don't want to be up anyone else's. I like my "me" time and I get irritated when I see friends get interrupted by phone calls or texts from their significant others when they know they're out with friends. BUT...I also don't like going days without hearing from someone and not knowing what's going on. Are you busy, not feeling like talking to me, losing interest, seeing someone else...see how this could escalate? Sometimes, it's just a matter of needing some good ole common courtesy. A simple note or reply or something to say I'm caught up but all is well. Works wonders.
• Time - At this age, most of us have kids, jobs, etc. It's hard to divvy up that time equally. I don't ask to have as much time as your kids or your job, but I think it's important to make time for each other. Even if it's just an agreed upon date night, or whatever, one or two nights a week. Something you can depend upon, knowing you will get to see that person for sure that day/night.
• Attention - This goes along with time and communication combined. We can assume that when we're not around each other, that we at least think about each other. But making time to see each other or to communicate somehow with each other lets the other person know they have your attention.
• Faithfulness - See Exclusivity... Unless shown otherwise (be it miscommunication or not) we have to implicitly trust each other to be faithful. Otherwise, why even bother to start the relationship in the first place. That said, faithfulness is something that we should be able to depend on and not have to question. If you really can't hold up that end of the bargain, then tell the other person and remove yourself from the relationship immediately. Because clearly, it isn't for you.
• Love/Devotion - Some use the "L" word sooner than others. I say if you're comfortable knowing that's how you feel, then do/say what feels right. But even if you're not there yet, there's a level of devotion that shows how much you care. If you don't feel that's being reciprocated, then is it really a relationship?
• Sex - Argue this if you want, but I feel (at least for me) that sex is a healthy component to the relationship. It's very important to me, so if it's not a mutual thing or there's no compatibility, there will only be issues later in the relationship.
• Availability - This is a biggie. While I understand that certain circumstances may prevent total (normal) communication via specific methods...sigh...it would be nice to know that you can call on (or email, or text, or whatever) your significant other if you needed them; i.e. locked yourself out of the house, are delirious with fever, etc. as opposed to assuming they may not even see your message until a day or two later, by which time you may be frozen solid on your door step or dead on your bathroom floor. It just kinda sucks that others can get to them faster than you can. I'm not sure there's much out there that is more frustrating than this.

And then...I move on to other girly topics like weight. I neglected this thing I pay for every month called the gym during this never ending football season. As a result (because I'm still eating the same), I've gained 5 lbs, give or take. I've made efforts at home by buying a weight bench, weights, zumba Wii game, etc. While I use all of those things at home (sometimes), I find my best motivation comes from the gym, itself. When I'm there, and after, I just simply feel good. There's only one thing better, kids, and that's "censored for young viewers". And I'll have my cake and eat it too on that note. Nonetheless, I have found that for a variety of reasons, the gym has to be a regular part of my life. There really isn't a substitute for that sort of bliss. I eat right, never starve myself, and I just have to accept the fact that I am the type of person who needs constant exercise in my routine.

But enough of all of that. I've said too much on both these topics. Off we go towards another day.

Is It Friday Yet?

Today is my little sister's birthday.  Turning 22 must be really hard for her...lol.  So, of course, I started trying to remember what I was doing at 22.  My twins were almost 3; I was going to concerts like Evanescence, Pearl Jam, Godsmack, Nine Inch Nails; hanging out in Philly at the Electric Factory, The Trocadero Theatre; entertaining friends with small "get-togethers"; getting into the local music scene... What does my sister do at 22?  She's pregnant with her 1st child, married to a farmer, and hangs out with my mama.  But she's happy.  Thinking about all this makes me realize how totally different we are.  She seems pretty content in most ways, and I'm often searching for something.  I'm happy, but not yet content.  I will be, though.  It is what it is.

Coffee break...

I'm back, an onto the next topic.  Work.  I'd love to take this opportunity to bitch about my day to day bs, but I'm going to refrain.  Mainly because I'd like to continue to get paid.  Nonetheless, I guess I'm working 3 now?  So I have my day job, Victoria's Secret, and now I'm more or less helping with my friends' concession stand.  They own their own pizza shop, Parma, in Manchester (try the eggplant fries - insane), and ventured out to doing concessions during local games and fairs.  So, this weekend, I agreed to work 7-10 on Friday after my day job, 1-10 on Saturday, and ?-6 on Sunday.  Honestly, just thinking about it makes me feel tired.  But they need my help, and I need money.  Have no fear, though.  This doesn't mean I'm cutting off any fun and good company this weekend; you'll just have to wait until after 10...and a shower. =)  Also, if I can get someone to watch the kiddos on the 30th, I'll be working during the day at a motorcycle show, wearing something hot and delicious.  That said...

**Wait, I'm closing down tweet deck before I go crazy**

...I'm going to start a donation fund for my next cell phone.  As my boss pointed out, I go through phones faster than anyone he's ever met.  Think I can wait out a 2 year contract to get a new phone?  Ha!  Probably not even 1.  But I've always had either a warranty or at least a 1 year discount, so it never really hurt so bad.  The point is, my curve is about to go.  I have no option but to get a new phone, and I'd like to do it before it completely wipes out.  So, I started looking at my options, if you can call them that.  I definitely don't want the same thing I already have, and I can't not have a smart phone.  I'm looking at the Droid 2, but that beast is $450 full retail.  I'd rather cut off my neighbor's left arm than pay that much for a phone right now, especially considering how long it'll probably last me.  Admittedly, I'm a little bit pissy about this right now.  But feel free to make donations to my cell phone fund and maybe it'll all work out. 

Another reason for crankiness is my lack of gym time.  I'm sure I mentioned it before, but somehow I figure if I keep writing it in a public forum, I'd be more inclined to do something about it.  I don't think ppl realize how important it can be in your life.  I was used to going 6 days a week, and I'm seriously feeling it now that I'm not.  I have to get back into this somehow, come up with some sort of plan.  I know y'all understand this, so if they're any suggestions to make this work with a busy schedule, feel free to send them my way.  I have a feeling I'm going to be running during football practice this season and trying to lift early in the mornings if I can get the kids up and myself motivated.  But you do what you gotta do, I guess.  And I'll throw this out too, the days that I don't work out, I need to adjust my calorie intake and that's just too hard.  That would probably make a difference, and I just don't do it.  I'm all about being healthy and just want to keep that going.

On a positive note,  I'll end this by saying cheers to meeting new people...seriously.  I know I have no fear and I enjoy me a lot.  But I'm very pleased with my random choices at meeting people.  I think no matter what the capacity, it all turns out well in the end.  And I don't have these opportunities to bring new people into my life often, so when I do, it's nice to embrace it when you have the urge to connect with each other.  I'd love to elaborate on this, as it is my blog after all, but I'll keep this all to myself for now. 

Tomorrow...there will be a nice long story about football and the boy.  Tonight will not end well with equipment pickups.  Until then...

Texting Etiquette

As promised, today's blog will totally encompass the rules of texting...according to me.  I'm sure many times I have broken some cardinal rules in this arena and, if so, my bad.  However, it's important to make it clear that there are just certain things that are unacceptable.  So, I'm here to tell you how to avoid irritating those you text.

• This is the most important thing to remember.  Texting is not necessarily meant to be real time.  That means that if you send a text, you cannot expect to get a response right away.  Now, some of us typically keep our phones handy, so maybe you're getting spoiled because we normally respond so quickly.  However, texting means we don't have to.  Likewise, we understand that you may be busy, unavailable, or simply don't want to talk until you're ready.  We'll wait patiently, will you?
• On that note, if you don't get a response right away, do NOT follow up with a text that says, "Hello?"  I'm at the point that this will get you either an extremely smart ass response, a tirade of me telling you how rude you are and how valuable my time is, and/or me never responding to any of your texts ever again.
• Furthering that train of thought...if someone uses texting to invite you to an event, at least give a response of some sort at some point.  Not responding to an invitation at all is a bit rude.  If you're not responding because you're sick of hearing from that person, then buck up and tell them to stop texting you.  Make up something, I don't care.  But don't just not respond because invites require a yay/nay despite irritation.
• Stop trying to be someone's boyfriend/girlfriend.  If we are not in that sort of relationship, stop texting me every single day to say something stupid and unimportant about your day or to simply check up on mine.  In fact, even if you are my boyfriend, don't ever do that.  I guarantee I'll start rolling my eyes every time I get a text from you and I'll stop wanting to respond.  Keep in mind, though, it's okay to do that every once in awhile.  If done correctly, it lets the person know you're thinking about them randomly and that kinda feels good.
• MEN!  Stop asking women for pics.  We've all been trapped by this, so I'm not going to act holier than thou on this one.  But I can tell you, you'll get a lot more respect if you never ask.
• This is a personal pet peeve, but there are certain endearment terms that make me gag when I see them in text.  I'm not saying I necessarily care if you use them verbally (maybe I do), but definitely avoid them in text.  They are "boo", and "hun".  I don't know why, but they're like nails on a chalkboard.  Either come up with something better, or don't call me anything at all.
• Drunk texting...we're all guilty of this.  But there are a couple different levels of drunk texting we need to avoid.  I don't mind the gibberish ones because they make me laugh.  But the obvious, "Can I come over?", and the like are unacceptable.  Drunken invitations are obvious and a bit insulting.  I, too, have a problem with all types of drunk texting and I've even gone as far as to delete some people's #s to remove them from harm's way.  I don't do it with everyone, but there are certain people that I immediately go to. (You're welcome, if I deleted you.)

Alright, kids.  I think that's at least the most important points.  I'm switching up a line from Yo Gabba Gabba here, but DON'T IRRITATE YOU'RE FRIENDS!!!!!

Falling In & Out of Hate

Sing to me, and I might just find a place for you in my heart (or get your bottom lip pierced because that drives me insane).  Otherwise...

I met a couple this weekend from Jersey who now reside in Lancaster after retirement.  I've never met a couple who seemed more in love and simply enjoyed each other's presence.  Of course, I have no clue what it means to be in love like that, but I imagine that this couple epitomize whatever that is.  More interesting to me is the fact that the guy was a member of a gospel group called the Raw Silvertones from, I think, 1959 to 1982 (and it's possible I even heard the name wrong).  Not sure why that stuck with me, except that music follows me everywhere.  I asked him if they ever made any recordings, and his response was that he has a 45 somewhere.  I laugh only because my first thought was, I wonder if I can get this stuff on iTunes.  All in all, these two people were somehow very impressive to me (especially once I got them talking) and I can't deny that they affected me greatly.

Next up is admission time.  Oh, no, wait.  I'm not ready for that yet...

Image via Wikipedia

Next!  New stuff out this summer like the new Limp Bizkit album, released yesterday.  I know they're a "love 'em or hate 'em" kind of band, but I'll always feel a bit sentimental towards them.  LB & Kid Rock (back when he was cool) was my first real concert experience in Pittsburgh.  Nick asked me to go that day, very last minute.  So, I convinced our great friend, Burke Bowen, to cover my shift at work and just took off west.  Two incredible acts that really knew how to get an audience moving.  Honestly, it was an experience I'll never forget.  It definitely helped to shape the summer of 1999.  So this album!  I think it goes back to the 3 Dollar Bill days when their music was less mainstream.  I haven't taken it out of my cd player since I got it.  And go buy the deluxe version at Best Buy; 4 bonus tracks are on it from what I understand.

Also, a little somethin for you all to look forward to this summer...  A friend is moving forward with a great concept that I am going to try and help bring to the surface of reality.  Starting as a facebook group, the idea is to create a place where individuals who have gone through a bad breakup, separation, or divorce can connect/network with others who have been in a similar place.  Discussions will be facilitated, but the group will allow people to share their experiences, thoughts, suggestions, and tips on going through these types of situations.  I think it'll be a great opportunity for people to talk things out, hear from others who've already been there, and maybe even work through some of their situations.  It will be nice to know you're not alone and are amongst friends.  So, if you are someone who thinks you might like to try this out, let me know.  Further, I'd like to hear some feedback on what you might like to see in a group like this.  What would you be looking for?  Think about it, and I'll start giving more details as the project moves along.  Also, look for invites coming soon from Connect the Hearts.

Sex and the Bitchy

I read today that chewing gum helps reduce stress levels by either producing or reducing a certain chemical. I couldn't tell you what it is because I didn't find it interesting enough to retain the information. But what I was curious about was whether or not this could reduce anger levels as well. As in, I don't want my hands to find themselves around your sorry neck, so I'm just going to chew this piece of gum for a minute and calm myself down. Nothing scientific here, but I'll try it out and let you know how it goes.

On that note, I deleted two more numbers today from my phone. Call it "Mission: Clean House"; I don't care. Though, it's more like mission impossible for me if we want to be realistic. But I'm determined to eliminate people from my life that, plain and simply, piss me off. I just want a few minutes to vent about individuals who are so hypocritical, who lie so much they lie to themselves, who lack at least a decade's worth of maturity but call themselves men, who are so scared of what's in front of them they can't enjoy it for the honesty of what it is. But I'm not going to do that right now because my gum is upstairs and I'd need several pieces to calmly write that out.

Furthering this train of thought, I'm making a serious transition away from saying yes to people who fix me up with "men". A couple things to note here...

1) I don't need help finding men. Granted, my choices in men thus far have SUCKED as they've all either turned out to be complete assholes or complete pigs...or both, naturally. But still, the "help" is just as insulting and you're not doing me any favors. Clearly, this is a fresh topic for me and I'm irritated.

2) When fixing people up with others, the general idea is to bring together two individuals who share similar interests and have at least a possibility of being attracted to each other. If you can't do that, DON'T try to continue the attempt. It will not work and at least one of these people will end up mad at you. Also, if you don't know what someone's looking for (or not looking for), ask them. That common courtesy will go a long way.

3) I'm not opportunistic like some. So, please stop thinking I am and using this in your "help" to me.

So, to make all this clear...I don't want to meet or date or anything else with your friend, your relative, the guy you met walking your dog. I got this. And, though others seem to think differently, you will never meet my friends or family as this also ends badly. Deal? Deal.

Also! Cause I'm on a roll here. Friends are friends are friends. If you feel the need to contact me for business type help with music or tech related things and you aren't really my friend, don't. I'm not in those environments to make big money or meet contacts that will elevate my position in life. I am among friends and things I enjoy. However, I will truly help my real friends whenever they need it, without fail, to the best of my ability.

Alright, I'm done.  Do I feel a little better writing that out?  Not really.  I know that those who are clueless remain clueless and while things change, people don't.  It's best to eliminate the issues.

On to the next one! And to use Joey's fave quote from Rambo, "It's over, Johnny.  It's OVER!!!"

The Importance of Being Ernest

Image via Wikipedia

"I'm Okay With This Being Casual"

If you're having a casual relationship with a guy, whether or not there are "benefits," and you're not really okay with the way things are going, don't lie to yourself or him and say that you're perfectly fine with a casual relationship. Be honest with yourself and admit the truth - sometimes that scare will be enough to encourage him to take it a step further. If he doesn't want to, then you know where the two of you stand and you can either continue on with the casual relationship or you can move on without him. 

This is an excerpt from an article I read while randomly checking my horoscope (sometimes you just gotta).  The article is a Yahoo contribution by Lauren Romano.  Pretty spot on, if you ask me.  And this is the philosophy I've been using for the last 3 years.  There's one flaw in my own method, but I'll get to that in a minute.

First, I have to give two examples of the 'casual relationship' scenario, but will start with my own version of the philosophy.  At this moment in my life, I am not surrounded by many men that would make sense in my life as a permanent fixture.  Maybe it's not being able to live up to my checklist; maybe it's because it wouldn't be mutual (for reasons only they can tell: not being ready, not feeling a certain way about me, or just not wanting that type of relationship for themselves at all).  But the short and sweet of it is that I am not "there".  So, if I want to have casual relationships until I do find what I want, so be it.  For the most part, I'm very open about this with men because they need to know that up front.  If either party feels that way, it's best to know from the beginning so you can decide if that's what you're okay with or not.  Like the article pointed out, though, you may not know you're okay with it or not until you find yourself deeper in the relationship.  Spending time with someone will definitely pull you one way or another.  And I say that I am open about it for the "most part" because sometimes it's so obvious what it is that no one has to verbally throw it out there.  I'm beginning to realize this is a mistake, but that's what I've been going with.  The point is, you have to have honesty on both sides.  If you tell me it'll never happen beyond what it is, I now have the opportunity to say that's cool, or no thanks I'll move on...and vice verse.

So, here's what I've experienced recently...

Man #1:  It is understood, without having ever said a word, that what we have/had is, and will only be, a casual thing.  At this point in time, I'm fine with that.  However, the behavior, which I feel is a direct result of fear, is getting to be so annoying that I am prepared to walk away for good.  I believe he is afraid that if he stays a little too long, has an actual conversation about anything personal, or shows any amount of real affection, I will somehow get the wrong idea about what our relationship is.  It's sad to me because he truly comes off as an @$$hole when he doesn't realize that it's really okay not to want to be exclusively committed to someone.  Maybe I should take some responsibility and say that I should have spoken my mind about what I did or did not want from the beginning, but I didn't.  And it's obvious to me that he never will.

Man #2:  It is also understood with this person that a casual relationship is okay in my book, but we learned this about each other by talking about it.  No one brought up the subject awkwardly; it just came up naturally in a comfortable conversation.  He actually talks to me in addition to listening to what I have to say.  Not only did we come to the conclusion that we are on the same page, it was actually a relief to both of us to have the words spoken aloud.  In addition, we are now able to completely enjoy each other's company with no pretenses or silent fear that someone's going to get the wrong impression.  It's nice.

In conclusion, it's incredibly important to be up front and honest as much as you can be in a situation.  Everyone deserves that.  More importantly, you need to be honest with yourself, also pointed out in the article.  If you want a relationship or you don't, it's okay.  You want what you want and, eventually, you'll find someone who shares those thoughts.  No sense making yourself miserable being in a situation you don't want to be in.  And, of course, things have a tendency to change.  One person may certainly fall for the other more than intended.  When two people are compatible enough to begin any kind of relationship together, it makes sense that this could happen.  Now, I'm a firm believer that you cross that bridge when you get to it.  But when you do, treat it like you did at the beginning.  Share these newly changed feelings and your next set of actions can be based on the response.  Just don't lie to your self or them.  Keep it real. 

On that note:

No Sleep for the Wicked

This has been an interesting week & a half for me fo sho.  I met someone who I  "clicked" with right away for the first time in so long.  Of course, his current situation means that a friendship is the only option for now.  It's the right way to handle this, and I can appreciate and respect the reasons that are in front of me.  At the same time, I'm very frustrated.  But that's my problem, not his.  I get his company almost every day in some capacity, and I will accept that for what it is and keep it positive.  Besides, I feel that a great friendship is a wonderful thing to have and hey...maybe this is fate intervening.  Maybe this is a way to force me into slowing down a bit and avoid people and things that are potentially dangerous for me.  I'm just saying...the glass is half full.

Enough of that.  My 2nd job is just plain awesome.  I had the absolute best night there last week.  I worked the "beauty" room and yeah, I worked it.  It was so easy to get people motivated to spend money on stuff from that room because I was just plain out having fun with them.  Engaging customers is one thing, but taking it a few steps beyond makes it feel like I'm not working and they're not being sold something.  It's a win/win.  Plus, in all my fun, I must have been wearing every scent we had in that store.  It's like a toy room.  At one point, my manager says, "Ooh, you smell good."  I just laughed and replied, "I smell like a French whore!"  I'm not sure they know how to take me yet... The point is that I'm pretty happy and comfortable there, and I absolutely love all the girls I work with.

And now for the portion of the show where I confess horrible, awful things.  Don't worry, I'll keep sex out of it.  Unless I start getting requests.  But I ain't no Anais Nin, folks, so be careful what you ask for.  Anyway, my first confession is a scary mommy moment.  Here goes:

After paying AAA to come out and unlock my truck that the kids locked my keys in (they were cleaning it out for me), we were ready to walk out the door and head to book club.  Drake, bless his little heart, was wearing an Easter bucket on his head.  Understand that I didn't question this at the moment because he's a kid.  Plus, he's a product of Nick & I which pretty much means he's also a weird kid.  In the middle of dinner at book club I decide to ask the reason for the bucket.  His response was that he just wanted to wear it (imagine as much attitude as possible being thrown from this kid's soul as he's saying this).  Pardon me for asking.  But Trent decides it's time to fill me in.  He says, "Thats not exactly the truth.  Feel the back of his head."  Sure enough, there's a huge lump.  If you are aware of even half the head injuries this child has brought on for himself over the past year, you'd understand why I take these things very seriously.  After I explain the severity of the situation, I asked all three of them why no one told me.  According to Roz, Drake was jumping off the bed (or something to that effect) and didn't want to tell me he got hurt because he was afraid he'd get in trouble.  This would be a result of the fact that he's been told a gazillion times NOT to do that because that's how he continues to get hurt.  So, Roz said he was screaming at her not to tell me.  Naturally, I asked where I was when all this commotion was going on.  Answer?  Roz: Oh, you had your headphones in or were on the phone or something.  Nice one... Don't worry, I wasn't going to say yes to babysitting your kids anyway.  Oh! Almost forgot.  While carrying a sleeping Drake out of the house to go home, I banged his head off the door frame.  No comment...

Image by rdpeyton via Flickr

Confession #2 is food related.  Mother's day ended with a great friend bringing me my favorite, taco pizza from JoJo's.  Oh, it's so mouth watering. I had 3 slices that night and 2 for dinner tonight.  Yes, that affected my weight by 2 lbs.  But I don't regret it.  That was some guilt free yumminess.  I will totally be back on track tomorrow, though.  I even packed my lunch  already.  It consists of Special K, celery & peanut butter, V-8 tomato soup, and grapes.  Then I'm planning some delicious eggs on oatmeal toast for dinner.  I got this.  Plus, I'm doing this weight loss challenge, and I have to take it seriously.

Okay, kids.  I'm exhausted now somehow, so I'll end this nonsense.  Until next time...