These blogs will take no defined shape. They will match my life - scattered. It may be journalistic, confessional, instructional, and possibly many other things to many other people.
I usually don't make any or if I do, it's maybe only one. But this year, I have many things I want to accomplish. So, some of these are more goals than resolutions, though all important. Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Reach my goal weight
2. Finish up the divorce (oh, and for those of you that aren't aware, this is a public blog that everyone can see and have access to. so no need to tattle about the obvious things that you see here...dumbasses...p.s. everything gets back to me eventually)
3. Go white water rafting (and be good at it)
4. Visit places I've never been
5. Be happy by myself
6. Write more articles for our trade magazine
7. Be more politically involved
8. Spend more quality time with my kids (note: there is a difference between 'quality' and 'quantity')
9. Get a 2nd job (because I have too much time on my hands when I don't have the kids)
10. Remember to tell all the people that I truly care about that I love them on a regular basis...just in case 11. Be nicer to my friends
11. Be nicer to my cat
12. Take some risks (though there are boundaries here)
13. Work on getting a DBA certification
14. Become less attached to my phone (this might be pushing it)
15. Improve my sleeping habits
I might add more to this list later, but this is about it for now. I think these things are not going to be that difficult to follow through on and I'm looking forward to at least making the effort towards accomplishing them. We'll see how it goes.
This year is almost over and I'm hating it. I try to be so f'ing positive for everyone else but give me a minute to be a complete and utter bitch here. I'm sick of crying. I'm sick of being sick...the last couple of days I haven't been able to keep anything down and just the thought of food is making me ill. I have a headache that won't go away and the f'ing Aleve is missing. I don't want to talk to anyone, stay at home, or basically do anything but sleep. The problem is that I'm too restless to sleep so I'm awake just feeling like shit and I'm bored as hell during the whole time. Alcohol doesn't help. It temporarily helps me feel numb, and then I'm right back where I started. So, that's gotta stop. Going to the gym helps, but it's a temporary fix too. That one's not going to stop though because I need it for other reasons, but whatever. I think what really sucks is that there are a couple of people that are always there for me and I can't even bring myself to talk to them enough right now. And I'm angry because there are others who said they would be here, but they're not. I have gotten over trust issues a million times by taking the risk again and again, but I can't do it anymore. It's not fair that I believe what people say when their words turn out to be meaningless. I really want to be so far away right now but I'm utterly trapped. Or at least that's how I feel and I don't see a way around it. I have about a million other things to say but it doesn't help to write them here anyway. I would really just like to yell and scream for a few minutes, but that's not possible. So, on that note, I'm done with the bitch session...moving on. Thanks for listening.
Just some random points of interest on this fine, snow covered, cold as fuck, boring day...
1) Bands that I've been listening to recently and really getting into are only touring in Europe right now. Why is that?
2) I need to go on a road trip really, really, really bad. I don't care if someone else comes with me, but I have to go regardless. Here's some destinations I'm thinking of:
- La Casa Narcisi Winery in Pittsburgh
- Boston, MA
- Annapolis, MD
- Martha's Vinyard, MA
- New Orleans, LA
- Washington, DC (but I refuse to drive there this time...remember my
car getting towed???)
- Savannah, GA
- Charleston, SC
- Virginia Beach, VA
- Ohiopyle, PA (rest assured I, & whoever comes along, will be at Class V rapids by the end of the trip...or dead)
Cucumber Falls at Ohiopyle. Awesome place to be...
The rapids that we're going to try not to kill ourselves on :)
I'm sure I'll throw in some other impromptu destinations to visit family and friends along the way, but those are some of the places I want to hit up before next winter. Summer is the best time for road trips, in my opinion, but I'll go whenever just to go. If you've heard of or visited anywhere else you think I should add to my list, let me know. I'm always open for suggestions.
3) The scent of Patchouli makes me gag a little. I was just hugged by someone who I think bathes in it and I can't get the scent off of me until I get home. Ew...I just gagged again.
4) There should be memberships to movie theaters like there are memberships to gyms.
5) People should not be allowed to enter the server room without saying something to the IT department. What's the point of heightened security if you let service workers have access to traipse in and out for no reason? ...Jackasses
- Nevermind on this one. I checked it out and had a little conversation with the guy. He can come any time he wants... ;)
6) Drinking has become one of my favorite things to do. I do and do not like this all at the same time. Like I look forward to a glass of wine or two at home. I get disappointed when the rum is gone. And I can't stop thinking about the fact that my aunt is always stocked with Jim Beam at her place and that might just make my holiday a little sweeter.
7) You either have completely open communication or you don't. There's no in between unless you like confusing people. Please don't confuse me.
8) Lysol makes me gag too, but spraying it has made the environment a little less Patchouli like. Holy mother of god, that stuff lingers.
9) Shit, I have to clean my house for company tonight now...
10) For Christmas, I would like a little bit of my sanity back, a little bit of respect, and maybe...just maybe...a little bit of consideration. I know that's a lot to ask, but I'll hold out for it anyway.
Taking stock of the last 12 months or so gives you a great look at how far you might have come (forwards or backwards) in life. I look at every step I’ve taken as forward motion, all positive because I’ve learned something from every experience. Here’s my timeline.
November ‘08
-I finally had the nerve to announce to the person I’d been with for the last decade that I couldn’t be in the relationship one moment longer…it had to end
-Reconnected with a couple of old friends that helped me tremendously over the next several months, acting as my “constant” that I could depend on when I needed to talk
December ’08 – January ‘09
-Changed my last name back to my maiden name (regaining a sense of identity)
-Eeked through the Christmas and New Year’s, pretending to be a family with no problems until I found a place to move to
-Won the annual EJEIWAPPTBIDPPP (Emily J. Eckert, I wanted a ping pong table but I don’t play ping pong) tournament for the first time in 10 years, winning myself a spot on the infamous trophy
February ‘09
-Started living as a single person, at least in actions (went to my first ever show by myself to see Red Room, learned to enjoy going to the movies alone, spent a lot more time with friends)
-Spent the first ever Valentine’s day without a guy! Kristen & I went for Chinese and then to see The Vagina Monologues at Shipp
-Found Lennox (my cat) in the parking lot of Applebee’s after dinner with Josh
March ‘09
-Realized I was going to go crazy if I didn’t move out of the house fast (cohabitating was absolutely unbearable for a variety of reasons)
-Was extremely close (within a week) from moving in with a friend who graciously offered me his place so I didn’t kill anyone
-Decided that this might not be best for the kids and that house hunting had to be put on hold while I looked for an apartment instead
-Went to see Hoobastank
-Went to see New Kids on the Block (that's right)
April ‘09
-Moved into my 2nd ever apartment on my own
-Spent as much quality time as I could by myself and with friends
-Went to see Cold
May – June ‘09
-Spent a lot of time exploring Gettysburg by myself, taking pictures, and spending time at the pool
-Had some bad days among the good as I was adjusting to being ‘alone’ or ‘single’, however you want to express not having someone by your side every day
-Went to see The Used by myself (crazy show that Hierosonic opened for and I left with bruises)
-Wrote a lot of diary like blogs to help get some things off my mind…it didn’t work
July ‘09
-Road trips to Indiana, West Virginia, Pittsburgh, D.C.
-Football camp started
-Went tubing for the first time (biggest adventure…EVER!, & beyond hilarious)
-Got to witness my god-daughter being born
August – October ‘09
-Football camp
-Started a new relationship
-Ended the new relationship
-Went to see Hierosonic
-Put on my first Benefit Show for Financial Literacy
-Reconnected with more old friends, whose company and general friendship means a great deal to me
November ‘09
-Moved to a much more suitable place that actually feels like home
-Used the year’s experiences and time with my thoughts to regain a sense of who I am and what I want in life
-Realized truth in friendships that I spent way too much time on considering they were false
-Spent my first ever Thanksgiving with Kristen and her family (which was awesome) and got over being upset about not being the one to cook dinner
-Figured out that having fun and taking things in stride, even though I’m a planner type that looks to the future, is sometimes a very good thing and can be truly beneficial
December ‘09
-Realized part of one of my goals, being only ½ a pound away from losing 60 lbs since last November (not too shabby, I think)
-Currently dealing with good & bad days during the “holiday season” as it’s my first being ‘alone’ and it not going so well (can’t wait till it’s over)
-Went to see Skitzo Calypso
-Another great road trip
-Received a request to apply for a job in New Jersey (more to come on this later)
And that’s about it for the moment. I think it shows progress, really. I’m still going to have good days and bad days and things will continue to happen along the way. But I don’t feel that where I’m at now is at all negative and I only see myself in a more positive light in the future. And as the new year approaches, I, like every other American, am going to make some resolves to ensure that my future remains true to my plan (or as close to it as it can possibly get).
So, I'm pretty sure at this point my love for coffee has gone beyond the general "liking of the stuff", to actually needing it to be a functioning member of society. It's the first thing I think of in the morning and I just don't feel right until I have some. It's like I'm not fully alive until the rejuvinating warmth of the caffeine laden blackness has passed over my throat. *sigh* I'll take this opportunity then to apologize to anyone who has had to deal with me without coffee. I realize now that those times might not have been oh so perfect as a result of me not having coffee...even if I thought at the time that I didn't need it. But I now know that it is a mistake to refuse such greatness, so I will never be without coffee again...
I've also become slightly addicted to reading articles on The Sarcasmist site. I love to laugh, and I'm never without laughter there. And yes, every once in awhile I'll realize I do one of the things they're making fun of, but that doesn't make me laugh any less...just a little sad, that's all. Sticking with today's coffee theme, here's a small piece that I thought was rather amusing.
I get to the register, after a stimulating wait in line, and ask for a ’sugar free’ vanilla latte. So far so good.
Barista: Your name? Me: Joe. (That’s my Starbucks name! :) Barista: Would you like whipped cream with that? Me: Yes, please! On second thought, why don’t I just get a regular with extra sugar; and double the whipped cream please.
Unfortunately, I didn’t actually say that for the fear of looking like a douche.
Why I think that was funny? If you've ever gone to Starbucks and ordered a 'skinny' (fat free) anything, you recognize that last attempt to make you forget that you are trying to get a drink with the least amount of sugar and calories as possible by asking you if you still want whipped cream. Maybe some people lower the calorie/sugar intake on the rest of the drink just so they can have the whipped cream. But my guess is that's a very small minority and those people should just have to ask for it if they want it. The rest of us have to question the intelligence of Starbucks employees everywhere. My favorite beverage from Starbucks (sans wc) is a skinny latte with sugar free caramel syrup...delicious.
Also, I want a Starbucks name. I guess I wasn't creative enough to think of that on my own, but it would be fun to do. So, I'm going to have to think of one now and then be able to remember it so I don't screw up the system.
As for The Sarcasmist, here's a link so that you can be clued in on the humor. The Sarcasmist
My China Doll used to be the light of my night. She danced and danced in elegant circles. I made up her backdrop to give her colors just right. She played music for me every time I asked; she was good that way. I was her audience along with Great-Grandmother, Mary. We made up her world when the sun went to bed and the moon shown bright as her spotlight; she was our being, making memories to last perpetually.
But Mary is gone, and she took my China Doll with her. She let me know her beauty for a while after she left, but she recently claimed her again. My China doll has lost her head with the porcelain white pallor, her rosy cheeks, her blood red lips, and her loosely knotted ebony hair. She used to hold a rice paper parasol; the violet color matched the moon. But the arms that held the parasol tight are gone now too. She tilts when she twirls, making her look ill. It saddened me to ask her to dance for me when it happened, but her sweet melodies were still as beautiful and yet sad as ever.
I cried and cried the day that she left me. It was all that I had to bring back those nights. It will never be the same. I loved her.
Comments (from the old ms blog):
Nick:
I never realized it meant that much to you. I would have moved it if I thought the kids would get to it.
Me:
Yes, and I underestimated my children.
Jason:
This blog is brilliantly written, both beautiful and sad.
The best part, in my humble opinion, is the comment dialogue between you and Nick in the comments, however. The slightest ambiguity is removed, and the surreal feeling of your blog all of a sudden becomes very real, and more sad.
Two kudos to you, with a bonus kudo to the good doctor.
I’ll start by stating that, for the most part, we can all agree that I’m a decently positive person; I see the glass as being half full, I see potential and opportunity in almost every experience (good or bad), and I try to see the best in almost everyone. And I talk…a lot. Although, sometimes it has to be coaxed out. There are times when it is physically painful to keep things inside. Or sometimes you try to talk it out, but you have no idea exactly what the problem is or what direction your words need to go in to get where you want to be. This is where I am at this very moment. This is no one’s fault but my own and it’s up to me to fix it. This weekend ranks among the worst that I’ve had in a long while. It was reminiscent of the days that I had not long after moving out on my own last spring. Here are some reasons why:
1 – The holidays…I might very well be the biggest scrooge around right now. I want this entire season to be over and be over quickly. Christmas morning has been moved to Nick’s house for the kids and I am not getting a tree. This year, Christmas as an entire concept blows. New Year’s, I’m only looking forward to drinking with friends because I actually have the opportunity to do so. I’ve already decided that I have to go out; there will be no staying in…anywhere…and I really don’t care how I feel in the morning. However, that next day, I will be taking the kids to Pittsburgh to see my family for the weekend. I will need Starbucks and a prayer for that trip…and maybe some Aleve.
2 – The snow…I normally love snow. I have wonderful snow memories and it’s usually the best time of year, no matter when that is, when there’s snow on the ground. But I’m a sucker for tradition and home and family and comfort. In the past, I would have loved a snowy weekend like this. We used to take the kids out to play in the snow and actually play with them. This year, my kids still got to go out and play, but it was Kristen who took them, not me. I couldn’t gather enough heart and energy to go outside. The kids had fun, and I don’t think they noticed. But that’s not the point. Later in the day, Saturday, I did muster enough to go to the gym because I realized I needed to be out of the house in the worst way, but it was closed due to the snow. I had a feeling it would be, but I didn’t call first. I love driving in the snow, and it got me out for a few minutes. But it still sucked that they weren’t open. Back to the point of the snow, I normally would have relished in this opportunity to have family time, get things done, do some baking, watch some t.v. with the fam, have some good conversation within my own house, etc. I had none of that because that is now something that has to be rebuilt in a different way.
3 – Tradition, or lack, thereof…in regards to the last part of #2, I would say this is hitting me kind of hard. Please don’t get me wrong when I say that I do not regret any part of my decision to be alone right now. It was and will remain “right”. However, I’m finding that my first experience with holidays on my own are not how I expected them to be. It’s a loss; there’s no other way to put it. Think about your grandparents or parents who’ve had to deal with the holidays after the loss of a spouse or significant other. The first one’s always the hardest. But we adapt and it’s never that bad again. I expect it to be the same for me. Even if it was my decision to leave, and I absolutely do not want to go back, that doesn’t mean the loss still isn’t felt during times like these. You definitely don’t feel more alone than on the holidays. I will certainly get over it. But I want it to pass quickly so that I can.
My heart hurts at the moment, and it’s even more painful to admit that. I feel like a caged animal with no escape and no outlet. This sounds extreme, but it’s normal I’m sure. I really want to be very far away right now. I so desperately wanted to get in the car and drive but couldn’t because of the roads (well I could, but I didn’t want to be stupid). Maybe that’s why I’m looking for summer to come as quickly as possible. I really just want to go away. But as soon as the new year comes, I might take a couple of days off to make this escape, even if it’s short lived. I don’t know which direction I’ll head in, don’t know where I’ll end up, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it.
And you all need to know that this is not a lasting thing. This is my honesty about something that I feel is a natural part of the process and will only make me stronger. Each moment, even if it seems unbearable, is a gift. The fact that I can recognize that is good enough for me. I’ll get over it. I’ll be fine. Life will go on.
I didn't watch the fight live, but I'm actually really glad that I didn't. I haven't even had the nerve to watch a video of what took place. But what I heard a couple of days after the fight about the extent of the cut on Diego's forehead or the nature of the fight were not what I expected. We all know how much I love Diego Sanchez, so this was not the outcome I had obviously hoped for. Here are the texts I got the night of the fight that started to get me excited and then shoved me into the "please let sleep come" mood.
Text 1: They're comin down to the octagon right now. Pretty excited.
Text 2: Penn easily won the first round. Sanchez almost got knocked out in the first thirty secs.
Text 3: Round 2 was close...Penn probably won it though.
Text 4: Round 3 and 4 were pretty close...could go either way.
Text 5: Penn wins by KO in fifth round...Sanchez had a cut on his head that was gross. Good fight though.
And here are the images that I can't get out of my head...
This morning, we were discussing the weirdness that is Italian food on holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know the reason, but I don't really care to. All I know is that I like turkey and I like ham. Screw anyone who doesn't. But this brought up the topic of Tofurkey. Haawhatttt??? Yes, you read correctly. This is a specimen of sometimes turkey shaped tofu. You vegans are some crazy mo fos for thinking this one up. In lieu of giving you all the ability to understand exactly what tofurky is, here's some images that may make you want to lose your breakfast...
Who can be this chipper on so much lack of sleep? I’m amazed sometimes at what I’m able to handle. Though, I’m wary of the possibility that I might seriously crash at any time now. Considering the fact that I will not only have my kids until next Friday, I will also have little Sadie with me this weekend. Hopefully, sleep can wait.
I finally remembered the word that was on the tip of my tongue yesterday as we were discussing made up words that don’t make any sense whatsoever. That word is, ‘re-occur’. It is used in my office so much, I could scream. There is NO SUCH THING!!! It’s ‘recur’. As in, I keep having this recurring dream. Get it right, people. But this leads me to two real words that were used at my office, but incorrectly and very humorously…
1 – Ovulating Fan – We’re not quite sure what this means for a fan, but when we had water on one of the floors, an employee stated we needed to get an ovulating fan placed in the hallway. No one corrected her, but my boss in hindsight thought it would have been funny if someone had told her to make sure plastic is layed down for protection.
2 – Incontinence – Never trust MS Word’s auto-complete, folks. One individual wanted to type, incompetent, but MS Word didn’t think that’s what he wanted. So, when the president reads the report and asks if that’s the word he wants to use, after explaining the definition…pretty embarrassing.
Then I topped my morning off with conversations about Capital Punishment (which I’m all for, the more torturous the better) which led to psychological warfare. But not before my morning shocker…
Upon arrival, I needed to print a few documents that were to be sent to some potential members. I decided to print them from our copier down the hall as opposed to the printer in our area because of quality. I go to pick them up and notice that there is already a piece of paper in the output tray that would need to be moved. I pick it up, turn it over to see who it might belong to, and… holy crap. It’s an 8x10 of an S&M ‘outfit’, let’s say, on a mannequin. Now, exactly what would you do in my shoes? Another supervisor on my floor and I decided we’d just take it to my boss to see if we can check the print logs to see who did it. During our search, however, the three of us were trying to rationalize the reason for printing something like this at work when I noticed some microscopic print on the one side of the photo. I could barely make it out, but it was recognizable as the name of the daughter of one of our coworkers. Don’t be scared by that, but the pieces started to fall into place from there. This particular photo (or the real thing) was what this individual based a sculpture off of. We had recently seen the sculpture for an art exhibition, so we were putting 2 & 2 together. But still…holy inappropriate at work, Batman. Wow.
It's 12:23, technically a new day. Worries today???? Sure as hell not. Who worries about anything? Certainly not me. My biggest thing to think about today? Perhaps why people lie, but more about the fact that I need to get my hair trimmed and the girl who does my hair is still on maternity leave. Fuck...fuck...fuck. Sure, I could go to Deuce. But then I'll hate myself later. Jesus. Although I will say that I had a really good hair day today/yesterday. I suppose that's a positive thing, right? And yes, thinking of trivial things such as your hair is refreshing. Go with it. Just saw a preview for Nine. I'm pretty sure that's a must see...at least for me. That might be a 'flying solo' gig, but that's alright. Need to be by myself. Still haven't watched the Penn/Sanchez fight yet. I really just don't want to see the vagina sized cut that everyone says is on Diego's forehead. Not appealing; nor is the thought of him getting his ass beat...even if it is by B.J. I'm hot and cold, hot and cold right now. I can't keep this sweater on or off. I can't sleep comfortably lately. I'm irritated. I'm absolutely terrified of ships and the ocean, but I'm currently thinking that the most relaxing thing on this planet might be to be on some boat (not talking cruise here) in the middle of the ocean, preferably alone. I totally just had deja vu. That must be because I keep falling for the same thing over and over. Or maybe it's not so much falling for it as it is just typical cyclical behavior by others and they just can't help it. When do girls realize that their mothers were right? Over and over again as women, but that doesn't ever stop them. Eh, I'm sure it's the fever and the wine talking. On the bright side, I do have my New Year's Eve free for the first time in years. Oh,the options before me...
I am absolutely amazed at how quickly time is passing by. Minutes to hours to days, and then I look back and realize the perception of a day or two is in reality a week or two. On one hand, I’m glad to add up the time and am able to say that X amount of it has passed in a good way. Yet, I’m slightly saddened that the time has passed at all. I’d like it to stand still for just a bit…just so I can feel a little more in control. Then let it go all it wants, as fast as it wants.
On my way home the other day, I talked to my cousin 2/3 of the way. That call made me happy for a variety of reasons. One is that I miss her. Though I like my space and I like being the sole member of our family here in central PA, I need my family. I haven’t talked to her in months and I’m sure that’s mostly my fault. But I was also glad for the distraction and the catching up time. I was happy that while we were on the phone, she was feeding the newest member of our family, Xavion, rice cereal for the first time. I figured since I’m the only one who hasn’t seen him yet, I can at least share in that experience. God, I’m sad. But, as usual, my conversation with her helped me regain some much needed perspective and I’m thankful for that.
My oldest son is swearing off art on my behalf. Why? He claims that I hurt his feelings and that giving up art is my punishment. I’ve tried to have several conversations with him about it, and his stubbornness overpowers my will to nag at him for answers so I keep figuring he’ll come around. Monday, as he was lying on the couch at his dad’s, I knelt before him and tried one more time. He wouldn’t tell me what I said or did, just that I hurt his feelings. I basically went the pep talk route and thought it was going pretty well until he interrupted me with, “Mom…Mom! I’m going to miss the bus.” So much for that…
“Ex” irritations are trying really hard to get the better of me right now. I do well at ignoring most of it because I have no real feelings in that regard. I can’t care enough to truly feel hurt or to get really angry. The only angry feelings that I get are when the irritations start f’ing up my plans and interfering with my own day to day life. I have it better than most people in similar situations, so perhaps I have absolutely no reason to complain. But it still happens, and it still gets to me, and it still causes me to be less than chipper. So, I can’t feel guilty for letting it affect me…I’m only human. I know better than to make comparisons, which is why I can only speak for myself and acknowledge how I’ve been handling everything. I just want it to be over.
I was reflecting on the summer a bit this week, mostly because I’m freezing my ass off in my office (wearing gloves as I type this). It was a really good one, I’d have to say. I had an obsession or two that I had to break free from, that I learned from, and that paved the way for a bit of a stronger me. So, I don’t regret that, except that I have (or had) the tendency to let things occupy my mind more than I should have. But I’ve also been thinking about the great days at the pool with K (and Ghandi, lol), the time with the kids at the park, “the great tubing experience” (lmao), the warmth I felt when I could relax and read on weekend mornings on my balcony, etc. So, I do have some nice memories to file away. Of course, I have some I’d like to forget, but hey… And now, I know that it’s important to keep making new memories. As I noted about time, it seems to wait for no one. So, like many things in our lives, we either have to jump on board and enjoy the ride. Or we can sit it out and regret doing so later. Personally, I choose happiness and great experiences over anything else. My choice, then, is obvious. There may never be a day that I relate the entire story of what happened my senior year (the climax, really) that carved my mindset to what it is today. But I will say that sometimes it takes pain and a whole lot of negative to appreciate the positive. Regardless, the road ahead (as lamely philosophical as this may sound) is paved in gold as far as I’m concerned. I will make of it what I want and enjoy what I cannot, and probably should not, change.
As I'm at a loss for words lately, I came across this today and wanted to share it. Some of you may remember a past blog that I wrote about buzz words that irritate the life out of me. This is very similar. Enjoy...
In January 2009, YouGov published its list of the 10 worst business sayings. Some I more than agreed with ("thinking outside of the box," "blue-sky thinking," "heads up"); some didn't bug me too much ("at the end of the day," "going forward," "credit crunch"). But it also got me thinking about my own version of the 10 worst business sayings.
Consequently, I compiled my own list, complete with definitions and -- most importantly -- the reasons they were included.
The first three top my list for their gross factor, pure and simple. Why? Because regardless of the people or situation in question, I've found that the overt or indirect referencing of bodily functions in a business environment gets me down.
1. Pick your brain: Substituted when someone simply wants to ask you something.
"Do you mind if I just pick your brain?"
2. Throw it against the wall and see what sticks: Often used to describe a haphazard approach to presenting a motley product line, batch of ideas, etc. "Well, let's just throw these against the wall and see what sticks."
3. Sweat equity: Offered up when asking people to give their time and talent, and payment is not available. "We can't pay you your rate now, but -- when we do start making money -- you'll definitely have sweat equity."
4. It's not rocket science: Used most often when pointing out to someone that the task he's been asked to complete isn't, in fact, complicated. "After all, it's not rocket science."
5. The ball's in your court: This phrase is usually thrown around (pun intended) to let others know that you've reached your limit with regard to handling a situation. "I've now done everything I can. After this, the ball's in your court."
6. Drill down: This is too often used to denote the vigor with which a person or team will be pursuing an objective. "Yes, Bob and I are really going to drill down on that."
The following three made my list thanks to their redundancy:
7. I, personally: Since something that is said by you is, by definition, personal, I see no need to include both words. For example, when you take the "personally" out of the following sentence, the meaning doesn't change. "Well, I, personally, don't think that X should take precedence over Y."
8. Quite unique (and its compatriots "very unique," "really unique" and "most unique"): Despite the fact that things that are unique can't be qualified, I see this all the time. "Our store has the most unique items." Um ... no. You can, however, say, "Our store is filled with unique items." I have no trouble with that.
9. Past history: This one drives me wild every time I hear it, "Well, based on past history ..." History is, by definition, something that occurred in the past, so why on earth say "past"?
And, finally, the most overused phrase in a business context:
10. Urgent (and its frequent companion "crisis"): I include these because, as I'm sure you've discovered, the use of either, or both, of these words does little to resolve what might be going on. Instead, they either ratchet up the tension or make others wonder why you are so out of control. What do I recommend you use instead? I would substitute the use of "immediate" for "urgent," and "situation" for "crisis," as both convey the need for action but leave others room to bring their own skills and intelligence to bear -- while reflecting well on your own.
In recognition that K has created her own adult Christmas list, I thought I'd make my own. Mine will take a slightly different tone, however. As grown-ups, especially ones with kids, we're quick to say that we don't want anything for Christmas, that gift giving is all about the kiddos. So, here's my list; beware that it may seem ridiculous and/or unachievable.
1. 1 full week absolutely drama and stress free
2. Money (I don't require a specific amount, but feel free to give generously)
3. A one night Gossip Girl marathon, just to get caught up on the episodes I missed
4. 1, maybe 2 days, to eat anything I want without consequence
5. Sex
6. A bracelet from Tiffany's to match my ring
7. All a-holes to stay off the road during the rest of the season
8. More time at home in the evenings (as in more hours should be created)
9. To spend time with my family and those that I love
10. A cure for distraction (while not eliminating the distractions)
11. Patience
12. Some heartfelt words that will never leave me and can never be taken back
13. A Honda Civic just for me...not for kids to ride in...just me ('cause I miss mine :( )
14. Some 'catch up' reading time
15. Several days of sleep, uninterrupted, straight through
These are just the top 15 that come to mind at the moment (in no particular order) and, as you can see, I don't ask for much. So, use this list wisely and feel free to view it as your gift giving guide this Christmas. =)
* The following is an article that I wrote for the November/December 2008 Edition of the Tech Talk column in Key Notes magazine. The topic has been on my mind lately and instead of rehashing my feelings in different words, I figured I'd just share the article with you. *
The newest brand of society is known by a few different names: some call them the millennials, others the echo boomers, and most know them simply as Gen Y. We cannot stop hearing enough about these individuals and why they are so important to the way we do business. As with any new generation, they reshape our current structures into models that they can call their own. They dictate forward directions that with which we are not always comfortable. In most cases, there is no choice but to learn as much as you can about these individuals and their needs and wants, or else get out of the way for fear of being trampled. Being characterized as a very aggressive generation, the writing has been on the wall long enough for some companies to heed the warnings and take action. Workshops across the country have been educating businesses not only on how to handle these individuals, but how to embrace their outward distinctiveness, learn from them, and better yet, use them.
What's the Deal Wtih Gen Y?
Typically, this generation is filled with the children of our Baby Boomers. Experts are back and forth on the particular birth years that define this generation, but they lie roughly between 1979 and 1992. The technology revolution gave birth to these individuals, and they have absorbed themselves in helping to contribute to it. They were the first to grow up with the Internet as their main source of information and communication, considering anything in print to be outdated. They were in high school when cell phones were becoming normal practice and began life in the workforce when organizational tools, such as PDAs, became the next best thing to a real life secretary and a pocket computer.
Norms will change from generation to generation, but Gen Y has been aggressively setting new standards for those who came before. Change can be a dirty word to some, but it will continue to come whether we are ready or not.
The most common trait of Gen Y is the fact that they are beyond being technologically savvy. Growing up in a world where technology is the driving force only increases the need to obtain, retain and gain technology understanding. These are talented and creative individuals that have existed in a digital world unlike the generations that came before them. Their sometimes home-grown technical skills often stretch beyond those that exist with the most educated of our previous generations. We find that the tables are often turned when we see the younger generation has become the teachers and the older generation the students. For those that recognize at least the need for technology awareness, this is now a welcome practice.
As Employees
We do not need a history book to tell us that we are often afraid of what we do not undersand. The same can be true for our employees. As for those of the Gen Y persuasion, companies find themselves on the fence, so to speak, as to whether or not they can benefit from these young individuals. While this is somewhat understandable, all doors are opened with the keys of knowledge, so educating your company on what Gen Y has to offer can supply the answers that you need to make Gen Y a fit in your credit union. Employees from Gen Y can provide a fresh, new atmosphere for your other staff, as well as your members. These are people that are not only open to change, but revel in it. They do not just have technology as a background; they use it to create an environment that is conducive to their surroundings. In the business world, is that not the ultimate goal? Do we not look for the moving target that is our consumer base, forever trying to keep up with, if not anticipate, the next move?
Gen Y employees are known to be highly efficient. As the generation known to want that perfect balance between work and home life, they do not waste personal time nor work time. This means more productive meetings, less personal wastefulness at work, and overall, a recipe for savings at every turn. These individuals are also quick to point out inefficient systems at work and provide the proper technology solutions to fix them. Likewise, they are typically on top of the newest technology trends and can aid in deciphering which ones are right, if any, for your credit union.
Individuals from this generation are also known to be competitive and ambitious. Sounds daunting, but really these are the fundamentals that, when used correctly, can be healthy drivers towards personal and company success. The idea is to accept these traits and utilize them to enhance the experience within your office as opposed to letting these traits carry your good employees right out the door. By that, I mean to say that friendly competition amongst fellow employees with reasonalbe reward, gives the employees a tangible goal to reach towards while reaping the benefits of overall increased productivity by the company. Likewise, competition with one's own self can be a constructive method to continually raise the bar in respect to quality and efficiency.
Give and take is a vital concept for these young employees. In exchange for their devotion while in the office, these indiviudals expect, if not demand, something in return. Ambition rears its head again when we talk about the fact that Gen Y are considered particularly goal and career-oriented. They do enough of their own research to know what their worth is and how the average compensation should be dealt out. They refuse to settle, unless they view it to be a temporary career necessity, and they are always pushing forward. Not only does Gen Y look for the traditional retirement/401(k) benefits, along with quality and affordable health insurance, these individuals are looking for flexible schedules, gadget perks and higher salaries to balance out the hard work and dedication that is inserted into their place of employment.
Can we afford to keep them around? We can't afford not to. Gen Y knows that their happiness lies in their own hands, and they will find it. If you cannot offer what they need, someone else will. It is simply up to you to make it work for both the talented individuals you wish to keep on staff and your business as success can come in equal parts for both.
As Consumers
Just as it does from an employee standpoint, technology plays a major role for our Gen Y consumers. They do not find it necessarily appealing if they feel that their own skills and efficiency have surpassed an entire company that is supposed to provide them with quality services. While we know that we cannot forget about our other member demographics, we have to understand the newest ones in order to reach and retain them in the future. Gen Y has an overall compelling need for convenience. They are hardworking individuals with not a lot of time on their hands. They are attracted to organizations that seem to understand and relate to their life's demands. This may sometimes mean the one-stop-shop approach, often implemented online, for individuals to access their accounts or shop for services in the privacy of their own home or on the road. It eliminates any personal barriers and allows them to feel that they have complete control of their own matters. They tend to steer clear of organizations that can only offer them pieces of what they need, causing them to go elsewhere to conduct the remainder of their business.
Smart shopping is second nature to Gen Y. They know how to research the solutions to their needs; and if they can find what they want elsewhere, no amount of loyalty is going to entice them to stay. It is understood that you cannot be all things to all people, but it is important to keep in mind that the newest generations carve the paths that we must evenutally take in the future. Our choice lies in whether we want to accept that now or later, assuming that we are still relevant when later arrives.
I feel drops of acidic me falling on my forked tongue, warm, sweet
I’m immersed, but you seem to hesitate
You ask that I strip away pieces of me until nothing familiar is left
A model of your own creation, your unanswered desire
Yet no one can fit that mold, not even me
My pieces fall back to me
as drops of acid falling on my forked tongue
I'm feeling very cynical at the moment. I had written a blog earlier, or rather started it. But I abandoned it the moment my mood changed. My other blog was going to be focused around dealing with anger. This blog is going to be focused around acceptance. I don't know if any of you have noticed, but I've become somewhat of an expert on this topic. I make the best of my acceptance too. I consider that quite a commendable quality. And while you might be thinking, "Shit. Why is she insisting on writing this bullshit for us to have to warble through and make sense of what the fuck she's trying to talk about?" Think of it this way. It's 12:28. I could be nicely tucked in bed (typically, and especially when I'm by myself, I am meticulous about the folds and tucks of my sheets) and reading a very good book. I will still do this later, but as of this moment, I'm choosing to divulge my thoughts in such an unselfish manner.
Anyway, I just logged onto Myspace for the first time in awhile. Wow. First of all, I miss it. It allows you some customization that you can't have on facebook. But um, the apps that some of us have been using... First, the truth box. Um, I know who you are you absurdly obvious friends of mine. But it's okay...I like what you tell me. Also, this owning your friends thing...have you people been paying attention? What is with people you don't know being able to own you? Because right now I'm owned by some 50 year old weirdo in Canada. Someone fucking fix this!!! Regardless, I'm planning on updating my playlist tonight to entertain those of you who still find Myspace worthy. I feel the need so desperately for a concert or three. But I digress...
I figured I'd rifle through some old shit and post some of the more "special" pieces that might be okay for those in my fb world to read and perhaps enjoy. Why keep them all for my myspace peeps, right? So, I'll be posting those momentarily. I'm feeling some incredible things right now, emotions, physical pleasure...it's pretty damn good, but poetry has left me (probably because I'm not a poet). I would love to explain what I'm feeling and allow someone who has a better gift of words than I to translate it all onto paper. I might do that if someone is willing to interpret it all into something that makes sense. Until then, I'll just post some of the old stuff that will be new to some. But I have to note that I think the quality of my blogs on myspace were much higher. Why? I think it's because my profile was private. I knew who was reading and I wrote to those people. Now, I'm bordering on the feeling of being inhibited and not giving a flying fuck. Really, there's a fine line and I just need to use my conviction to cross it completely.
Oh! This whole acceptance thing. I don't think I really wound this all up in the concept of acceptance. However...acceptance still remains the key word in this reality. And as I write this, I lost the hairband that I swore was in my hair 2 minutes ago. But all of this is quite alright. I think we all have proof of how accepting I can be. I accept because I like to be happy. I make my own happiness and rely on no one. (if you choose to disagree with this, I'll kick you in the eye because you clearly aren't paying attention) But...I like the happiness I find in other people. I accept because I'm sick of fighting. I like fighting, but I'm sick of the type of fighting that reverses happiness. It's not so much giving in as much as it is simply going with the flow. It actually feels pretty fucking good. So, that...in essence...is a characature of my point. (btw, if i mispell things, it's not completely my fault. it's late and spellcheck in blogger is not working). Yet, I have to point out that I don't concede. Though you will most likely disagree with me, I feel there's a difference between conceding and acceptance. Conceding means you agree simply to agree. Acceptance means you understand what you cannot change and/or you deal with the reality of a situation in a way that still brings you something like happiness considering that it may not be the outcome that you'd rather have. So...I accept.
And now...I'll post some of the old for you to peruse...
Sooooo...small littles points and statements to make today, probably not at all blog worthy, but here they be:
1) Thanksgiving dinner made by K was awesome, even though I'd prefer she not tell me what she puts in her food. The 20 minute discussion of what should and should not go into stuffing and her rolling her eyes at me because I bake my bread pieces for croutons were uncalled for. But WOW was dinner ever good.
2) K's dad said he thinks I'm wild because of stuff I have on my fb page. Do you think I'm wild? I don't think I'm wild. Or do I just typically give off some sort of angelic glow that makes people think I'm innocent and then they're shocked when they get clued in?
3) I need to not drink coconut rum any more. I drank pretty much a whole bottle last night because it's too damn easy to drink. I must switch to something else.
3) Jake Gyllenhaal movies make me cry. I think it's his eyes, and not at all the subject matter of the movies.
Yeah...definitely the eyes
4) Speaking of which, Brothers comes out soon and I know at least K, J, and I (liking this letter thing) are going to see it. I don't have to see it opening day, but I would definitely like to see it while it's in theaters. I'll bring the tissues for this one.
5) While I would really like to be home today, I'm glad to be working on black friday and not shopping. The craziness is astounding and I can do without it. It gives me anxiety just thinking about it. Are these sales really that phenomenal that people find it worth risking life and limb and sleep? Certainly not for me.
6) If nothing else today, I at least got to go to the gym over lunch. I might go again today depending on the evening plans. And I have to say, (in relation to #5) I was surprised at the lack of traffic. But I guess everything would have been winding down way before lunch time anyway.
7) I absolutely cannot WAIT for UFC 107. I don't care where I am on Dec. 12th, but some way, some how, I have to at least watch Penn vs. Sanchez. B.J. Penn is an incredible fighter that I've come to like an awful lot over the past year. However, Diego Sanchez is my #1 guy. As an mma fan, I love to watch fights that are entertaining either because of the fighters' skill, personalities, variety, etc. But usually, you have one fighter who has most, if not all, of the qualities that make an awesome fighter and the other guy...is just easy to dislike. In this case, I'll be watching 2 of the best fighters in the lightweight division go head to head in a battle, of which the outcome is so uncertain. That's what makes being an mma fan so fun. Plus Penn is defending his title on this one.
8) My kids are talking about their Christmas lists, but they have very little on it. I'm surprised by this. Trent wants Wii games, certain books, a specific webkins, and more Pokemon. Roz wants Wii games and that's pretty much it. Drake wants a play kitchen. Specifically, he wants the one that was in the Children's Museum in Indiana. As this is not possible, I have to look for something else. But I was slightly taken back by this request. It's the only thing he's asking for and he's been asking my mom too. Interesting...
I can't stay on here long as this level of energy may soon dissipate. But I needed a little break from cleaning. It's 2:33 a.m. and I don't think there's a chance of going to bed tonight. Why do I wait until the last minute to do things? This is a question that I (as well as my mother) have been asking for years. Doesn't matter at the moment, just that it gets done.
I finished off the bottle of coconut rum. I thought there was only enough for one drink, but there was really enough for 2, if not 3. However, I only realized this after pouring it into my glass, making it half and half. Went straight to my head and then went away just as quickly. That sucked. But I'll be getting more tomorrow...
Saliva: not as in the liquid within your mouth, but the band...I'm currently listening to their album, Blood Stained Love Story. I'm incredibly impressed, at least in the sense that I could totally love this while I'm at the gym. None the less, I'm going to recommend this album to my music loving friends. Somehow I'd forgotten how great they were.
Friends...they come few and far between in the capacity that my true friends exist. I love them for that. Thanks to Pork Chop for the "calm down" session tonight. He rules. And thanks to K for keeping my kids overnight. I know our kids wanted the sleepover, but it's helped me a great deal tonight. Otherwise this blog wouldn't be possible...lol.
I put my table back together by myself, but I'm missing a screw. Hmmm...
I'll be the only IT person at work tomorrow. Can't wait for this one. On a normal day, I'd probably want to start hurting people by lunchtime. However, I'm thinking that since most ppl are taking off because of the holiday, there's a good chance that the buildings will be mostly empty. If that be the case, I'll be able to get some projects completed.
Okay...gotta get up now, feeling really tired. Must. move.
So, my main concern when starting this blog was toilet seats. Then I figured I'd find something else to throw in here. So follow my train of thought, if you will...
On a Sarcasm Society post, someone thought they were clever enough to come up with the idea of a toilet seat that you could plug into the wall so that it can be heated. This individual figured they would become rich over this idea. But guess what? It already exists. How do I know this? About two years ago, I was toilet seat shopping (no lie) and I came across one. See, not long after we had moved into our house, the toilet in the 1/2 bath downstairs needed to be replaced. So...I went to R.F. Fager's (if you're familiar with the place) to find one. Yes, I bought a designer toilet. Why? Well, it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. I would say my tastes are a bit refined in some areas and I do tend to be rather particular about things when it comes to something I'm going to be spending my money on. Plus, I had a bathroom "vision", if you will. Anyway... So, I couldn't just go anywhere to find the kind of toilet seat I needed and had to go back to that place. The cool thing about places like Fager's is that they don't make you do any work. You're not on the showroom floor for more than 2 seconds before they greet you like you've just walked into a 5 star establishment. LOVE those people. And it's nice when you have the kids with you because you don't have to put them through the torture of browsing through absolutely boring merchandise until they decide to wreak havoc on the world...or at least the store. So, I just told the guy what kind of toilet we had and he did the work for me by simply taking me to where my choices were. I noticed one that had this odd looking tube connected (nothing ostentatious, but you don't normally see tubes near toilet seats). The guy noticed my hesitance around that area and explained that it was a heated toilet seat. Huh... I was intrigued. It was around $70-80 (can't remember exactly). That's a lot for a toilet seat, sure. But I ended up spending $50 on a regular one, so I can't really talk. It had to match; that's all I can say. The point is that heated toilet seats do currently exist and have for at least a few years, if not longer. You missed the boat on this one, buddy. Someone beat you to it.
A Journal of Purpose:
I haven't unpacked anything in the last 2 days and that completely sucks. But I did reorganize a couple of my books that didn't need reorganized. In doing so, I came across the journal that I started keeping since I left N. I read the first couple of pages and semi-relived some of those moments. I had some very dark days in addition to some very bright ones at the beginning. That was about the time when I had decided that the end result for me in life was to simply be happy. Often times, that means that you have to go with the flow. You have to decide what is important enough to worry about and what requires a lot less brain power, like sleep mode or something. I had some colorful descriptions for what I was feeling, that's for sure. You can always wax poetic when you're feeling down. But the most beautiful result would have to be how I'm feeling now. Those days seem so very far away, a natural part of the grieving process even though I was the one who left. I have the urge, though not the time at the moment, to catch up in at least a brief "this is what has taken place in the last couple of months" type of way with that journal. It seems to me that I owe it, at least to myself, to chronicle all this time as it shows some amazing progress and some places that I don't necessarily ever want to go again. History is like that and we need to learn from it. And if I've learned anything from the last year, it's that I am fine to follow my heart as long as I keep myself grounded. Reality sometimes alludes the best of us, but I'd like to keep it close by me if only to keep myself from disappointment. Right now, I love my life. I love who I'm surrounded by, and I love just being me. It's kind of nice. Doesn't mean that every day is perfect, or that I don't sometimes cry, or that I don't feel stress. It just means that I have an outlook on my life that allows me to believe that difficult days are a part of this existence and that everyone has them. It's how we recover from them that counts.
Being at work always puts me in a mood to rant and rave about political nonsense (wonder why) and to basically find creative ways to free up our population. Add to that the idea of being completely irritated by unintelligent nutjobs that shouldn't be wasting time in public just to ruin my day, and I feel that a blog is necessary. I know these things tend to be controversial with some, but I'm only looking out for myself, my children, those I care about, and really the rest of America. It's important. It's like I'm a human environmentalist. By that I mean, I'm not so much concerned about what effects we have on our planet (I am, but no more than the average being who's too busy to freak out over my recycling abilities), but I'm more concerned about what effects humans have on my own "environment"...yours as well; and it's more of a mental thing. I go by the saying, "Never let stupid people rent space in your head." It's a good saying. I have to remind myself of it sometimes, but it's one to live by. However, when you're surrounded by stupidity and ignorance, you sometimes forget to hold up the NO VACANCY sign. And then they all crowd in like Mexico exploded. So, you have your angel and devil residing on the shoulders of your brain; the angel saying, "These individuals are misunderstood. Give them a chance. They need to be cultivated. They were never loved as a child." Then the devil says, "Look to your arsenal and get these degenerates out of here!" Guess which one I'd prefer to side with?
So, I'd like to simply suggest that we develop a program to help remedy this situation. It's not like we need to waste money on research. We already have most of the resources at our fingertips, my personal favorite simply being sterilization. I can certainly tolerate an individual as long as I know they don't have to ruin generations to come. I'd do that for my children and the children of my friends. And, imagine how much money we'd save in other programs by putting something like this in place. Add the concept of not letting non tax-paying citizens and non-citizens remain in our country, and you've got some real efficiency in place.
What it comes down to is the fact that America was developed using a system. It started with a simple set of rules (our Constitution) that guaranteed the rights and safety of the individual as well as the whole. And then it grew with a financial plan (taxation) to make sure the citizens receiving those rights and protection were well provided for as a whole when in time of need. Can you imagine going back to that? Because we're no where near that now. The programs that currently reside in our system today (the big ones anyway, as there are small ones that don't even make sense) began as a means to aid those who paid into the system and needed help to remain a valuable part of society. Misappropriation of funds, poor leadership within the programs and all the way up, being taken advantage of...all of these things bring these programs to a point that they are no longer valuable for the whole. For the individual, maybe. But for the whole, they have become a drainage system. I'm not saying they need to go away; I'm just saying I'd like to run them myself for awhile.
And then you have simply the people that mentally drain the value from others with their lack of intelligence, blatant disregard for the rules/guidelines of society, or even just a common sense deficiency. These would include our criminals, degenerate neighbors, black sheep relatives, and the millions of stupid people at the grocery store in the middle of the day who only have 2 speeds: slow and stop. What is the answer for these people? Well, I firmly believe that if you never tell someone they're doing something wrong, they'll never stop doing it. That's another fair reason to introduce re-education camps. We'll give them the tools they need to survive among their fellow man; we'll teach them how to become productive members of society. And if that doesn't work? Oh, well. Bye-bye. Game over. Thanks for playing. Now, can you actually stop being stupid...like cold turkey? It's worth a try to find out. I'm sure I could conjure up some experimentation on that issue. If they can't...imagine the open space to briskly walk through the grocery store to pick up the one or two things that you needed and sacrificed your lunch for. It's a win-win.
In conclusion, I would like to say that it is our responsibility as Americans to not be so concerned about the rights of the individual and place that concern over the rights of the whole. I'm not about to make sacrifices in my life because some douchebag has hurt feelings somewhere. I would like to live my life uninhibited by those less intelligent than me, by those who only think of themselves, and by those who think rules don't apply to them.
