A Little Pessimism for Your Optimism

This year is almost over and I'm hating it.  I try to be so f'ing positive for everyone else but give me a minute to be a complete and utter bitch here.  I'm sick of crying.  I'm sick of being sick...the last couple of days I haven't been able to keep anything down and just the thought of food is making me ill.  I have a headache that won't go away and the f'ing Aleve is missing.  I don't want to talk to anyone, stay at home, or basically do anything but sleep.  The problem is that I'm too restless to sleep so I'm awake just feeling like shit and I'm bored as hell during the whole time.  Alcohol doesn't help.  It temporarily helps me feel numb, and then I'm right back where I started.  So, that's gotta stop.  Going to the gym helps, but it's a temporary fix too.  That one's not going to stop though because I need it for other reasons, but whatever.  I think what really sucks is that there are a couple of people that are always there for me and I can't even bring myself to talk to them enough right now.  And I'm angry because there are others who said they would be here, but they're not.  I have gotten over trust issues a million times by taking the risk again and again, but I can't do it anymore.  It's not fair that I believe what people say when their words turn out to be meaningless.  I really want to be so far away right now but I'm utterly trapped.  Or at least that's how I feel and I don't see a way around it.  I have about a million other things to say but it doesn't help to write them here anyway.  I would really just like to yell and scream for a few minutes, but that's not possible.  So, on that note, I'm done with the bitch session...moving on.  Thanks for listening.